Princess and the Koopaling
by Walkazo
Summary: Toadstool, Toadstool, wherefore art thou Toadstool? Fawful has conquered the lands and tensions run high. Having given up all hope that Mario could still save the day, Peach takes it upon herself to free her people, and she needs Lemmy to do it. A modern, "Mario" take on Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet".
1. Introduction

**Disclaimer****: Nintendo owns **_**Mario**_** and Shakespeare wrote **_**Romeo and Juliet**_**. I just use them for my own nefarious purposes.**

**Author's Note****: Back in high school I started making **_**Mario**_** versions of the plays we read in class, and it was so fun, I wanted to continue even after I finished all my English classes. Now, after a long hiatus, I'm back with another Shakespeare conversion, this one based on **_**Romeo and Juliet**_**. However, rather than doing a pure retelling, I decided to try a subversion of the play (changing the genders, the motivations, etc.). This is partly due to the fact that the cast didn't fit perfectly even if I tried to play it straight (same reason I went with parody for the **_**Luigi-Hamlet**_** conversion), but it's also because I've always thought the infamous insta-love plot was unbelievable. Hopefully my choices worked out okay.**

**Rated T for violence, character death, language and mature themes.**

But first, the cast, with the _Mario_ characters in bold following the original Shakespearean characters. I grouped the characters by loyalty and explained how the original characters are related, although in the story, everyone's related based on the actual in-game canon. All the weird loyalties will be explained in-story, which is set in the "present" as far as the games go, but again, the details will be explained in the text.

Cast of Characters

Romeo: **Princess Peach**  
Montague, his father: **Mario**  
Lady Montague, his mother: **Luigi  
**Benvolio, his kinsman / Friar John, a friend of the Friar: **Yoshi**  
Abram / Balthasar, his kinsmen: **Toad**  
Another Montague / Mercutio's Page: **Toadette**

Juliet: **Lemmy**  
Capulet, her father: **Bowser**  
Lady Capulet, her mother: **Kamek**  
Nurse, her caregiver: **Kammy**  
Tybalt, her cousin: **Junior**  
Peter, the Nurse's man / Servant: **Morton**  
Sampson, another Capulet / Peter (one time) / Musician: **Wendy**  
Gregory, another Capulet / Servingman / Musician: **Iggy  
**Anthony and Potpan, more servants / Tybalt's Follower / misc. Servingmen: **Hammer Bros.  
**Misc. Dinner Guests: **King Boo, Petey Piranha, Cranky Kong**

Prince, the leader of the town: **Fawful**  
Paris, the Prince's kin: **Birdo**  
Paris's Page: **Lakitu**  
Mercutio, the Prince's kin and Romeo's friend: **Princess Daisy**  
Friar, the local religious figure, friend to all: **Larry  
**Watchman #1, a neutral citizen / Cousin Capulet, a dinner guest: **Roy**  
Citizens / Watchmen / Misc. Dinner Guests at Capulet's Party: **Wario and Waluigi**  
Apothecary, neutral faction who lives in a different town: **Ludwig**  
Rosaline, neutral local girl: **Donkey Kong**

One final note: as with all my Shakespeare adaptations, I personally envision the Koopalings as being young adults in this play, looking like they do in my _Super Koopa World_ story, but closer to their in-game heights. The exceptions are Lemmy, who looks like he does in the classic games, and Junior, who matches his appearance in _Bowser __II_ (like Bowser, but not as chunky and wearing a black scarf instead of his fang-spangled bib). However, looks aren't key to the story, so I'm not going to go through the tedium of describing everyone, and you can feel free to use those depictions (if you know them), your own imagination, or even their looks from the games (old or new). The only important thing is that Lemmy's the same height as Mario, whereas all the others are taller – sorta like in the actual games.

And with that, on with the show!


	2. Act I Scene i

**A/N****: **_**Romeo and Juliet**_** has two Chorus prologues: one at the beginning and one at the beginning of Act ****II****, but none for any of the other acts, which I found kinda odd. So I scrapped the second prologue and instead, made a bookending passage at the end, rather than have Prince/Fawful delivering the last line. I tried giving the lines to a specific character, but it didn't work, so I just made it all narration – and changed it around completely from the original meaning. I **_**did**_** keep the syllable count and rhyming scheme, however. Now, with that out of the way, let the story commence…**

Princess and the Koopaling

_Three kingdoms were peaceful, one burned for war,  
They're now forced together, all overthrown.  
Yet still they feud, drawing blood as before,  
In close quarters, how their hatred has grown.  
So the pretty princess most loved by all,  
Turned cold by despair, she now makes her stand.  
And the blameless war child, soon shall he fall  
With a plaintive hope to call forth the end.  
One blinded by love, one twisted by need,  
This is the tale of how hard they will try  
To bring about peace, their hearts they will bleed,  
Only to slip in the blink of an eye.  
_

_To happier futures both hope to fly,  
But no future waits for those doomed to die._

Act I. Scene i.

"I can't believe Daddy's making us do the shopping," growled Wendy. "Can't he get the Hammer Bros. to do it?"

Iggy shrugged. "It's not like he's making us take out the garbage."

"Garbage like the Mushroomians?" sneered Wendy. Being stuck in Toad Town was driving her nuts. She had seen enough Toads to last her a lifetime – even the Goomba villages back home would be a welcome sight. But the formerly-royal Koopas had no choice in the matter: Fawful had taken the old "keep your enemies closer" idiom to heart, and as soon as he took over, he forced anyone who could possibly be a threat to come together. How the Koopas rued the day the little Bean won – they had never expected the Blorbs to merely be a precursor to the full horror of biological warfare the little nutter had planned. Somehow, he managed to engineer a disease that felled mushrooms, humans, Koopas and even the Stars alike, and with the Mario Bros. as sick and helpless as everyone else, they had no choice but to surrender to the one who held the only antidote.

But Fawful was too smart to hand over all his cards at that point – he had more than one strain of the disease, and when the Mario Bros. tried to double-cross him, they found themselves and their allies felled by an even more insidious illness. Many innocent bystanders died in Fawful's counter-attack, and even after receiving the cure, health problems persisted in many of the survivors, including Luigi. Mario made a full recovery, but watching his brother's slow deterioration taught him his lesson, and he gave up on any hope of freeing the Mushroom Kingdom from Fawful. However, one thing he didn't forgo was his resentment towards Bowser. The Mushroomians blamed the Koopas for leaving the lands vulnerable to a sneak attack, having wasted so much of their resources fighting off the Koopas and rebuilding after their inevitable retreats. And to top it off, now they had to share their city with their old enemies, watching in fear as the more aggressive Koopas outcompeted the timid Toads for the best houses, food and merchandise. The Mushroomians hated it, and none moreso than Mario.

And the feeling was mutual. Bowser insisted that the Koopa Kingdom would have been strong enough to resist Fawful and come up with their own cure if they hadn't been mercilessly beaten down by Mario for years. He said that if the Mushroom Kingdom had only come to their senses and let him take over, they would still be free of the Bean, and his Koopas agreed.

Or at least, most of them did. Ludwig, fed up with the continuous quarreling between both factions, left Toad Town and the conquered lands altogether, setting up shop in the distant Jewelry Land instead. Larry also chose to set aside his resentment towards the Mushroomians, and in the aftermath of the second plague, he took over the funeral home and saw to the disposal of the casualties, be they Koopas or Toads. Roy also washed his hands of his family's feud with the Mushroomians and joined Fawful's forces, feeling his skills were more useful quelling fights than being one of the instigators. A number of other prominent citizens chose to fully cooperate with Fawful, knowing full well that resistance was futile, and that Bowser and Mario's continued rivalry was nothing but an obstacle to living a peaceful, if subservient, life.

Iggy and Wendy were not amongst their numbers. "That's the worst part of shopping here – you have to deal with those stupid, sniveling Toads. They don't even put up a good fight – where's the fun in that?"

"How would _you_ know? None of them has ever even _tried_ to fight back," Iggy rolled his eyes: his sister was almost as full of hot air as Morton.

"Maybe I should try doing my shopping in the back alleys instead – maybe the men _there_ have some backbones."

Iggy shook his head at his sister's hot-bloodedness. "The alleys? C'mon Wendy, you're better than that – you know what they say about the girls who walk _those_ streets."

"Well, I know _you_ don't need telling," leered Wendy. Despite Roy and the other members of Fawful's "peacekeeping" forces, there was no question that the cities had gotten a lot seedier since the picture-perfect sheen of the Mushroom Kingdom had been stripped away in the hardships that followed the devastating plagues. Even the landlocked cities were as seedy as the port towns like Rogueport, and while the particularly questionable practices still stuck to the shadows, everyone knew about them, and many had taken to exploiting them as well.

Still, Iggy didn't feel like discussing his own less-than-regal pastimes, and quickly diverted Wendy's dig. "At any rate, it's not those kinda folks you're mad at anyway."

"True," shrugged Wendy. "Ol' Mario's crew wouldn't dare show their pretty faces to _that_ kinda company, I'd imagine. Still, even if they're not really our enemies, screwing the alley cats would be more fun than Toads who don't even struggle. Wouldn't you agree?"

Wendy winked lasciviously at her brother, who felt the heat rising in his cheeks. "As in, 'screw _over_', right?"

She grinned at her brother wickedly, leaning in close to answer in a whisper. "You tell me."

"What's gotten into you today?" Iggy stared at her, trying to appear taken aback, although both knew she was acting far from unusual.

She laughed. "I just wanna have some fun… And look who's just joined the party." Iggy turned to see what had caught Wendy's eye: it was Toad and Toadette. Wendy once again slid right up next to Iggy, whispering, "You ready to rumble?"

"Wait a minute," Iggy grabbed her arm as she started to brush past him. "We can't pick a fight with them – Fawful's goons will throw us in the Mushroom Castle dungeons."

"Then let's provoke _them_," she hissed, wrenching her arm free and sneering at the approaching Toads. "Well, well, if it isn't our little friends? You out shopping for a new girlfriend Toad – that bag you've got now went out of style a while ago."

"Ignore her," growled Toad to his seething sister.

"Aww, what's the matter, can't fight your own battles, little _tramp-ignon_?"

"_You're_ the tramp," spat Toad.

Wendy opened her mouth in mock shock, her hand splayed over her chest. "How dare you say that? All I did was call her French." She jabbed Iggy in the ribs with her other arm, and taking the hint, he cleared his throat and offered her some backup.

"Yeah – a French whore."

Wendy turned and made a face, hissing under her breath. "Thank you, Mr. Subtle – so much for making it look like they're the-" But Iggy's comment had done the trick, and Toad lunged at the Koopalings, his indignity for Toadette's besmirched name overpowering his fear for the much larger Dragon-Koopas. Wendy noticed at the last second, breaking off her chastising and deflecting Toad with a swipe of her claw. Her face broke into a sadistic grin as Toadette made her own run – this was the kind of fun she had been waiting for.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing!" yelped Yoshi, having arrived in the square unnoticed moments earlier. He ran towards the Koopalings as Wendy sent Toadette flying and started turning back to Toad, but Iggy was ready to meet him. The bespectacled Koopaling might not have been so eager to start a fight, but once things were already started, he wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to take out some of Mario's friends. Iggy send a fireball hurling towards Yoshi, but the green dino dodged and flung his tongue at the Koopaling, hoping to disable him and his sister before anyone got hurt.

But before he could hit his mark, Yoshi was tackled from the side. He tumbled through the air, his tongue whipping through space, missing Iggy by a long shot. He flipped and landed on his feet, as did Bowser Jr. a few steps away. Like Yoshi, he had seen his siblings and the Toads squaring off from one of the side-streets, but _he_ didn't come to try and stop the fight.

"Attacking my siblings, are we? You're gonna be sorry you stuck your big ol' nose in Koopaling business," snarled Junior, pulling the black scarf from his snout and giving Yoshi a bloodthirsty smile.

"I'm just trying to break up the fight before someone gets hurt," said Yoshi.

"Oh, someone _is_ gonna get hurt – YOU!" Junior blasted a fireball at Yoshi and lunged after it, claws flashing in the early morning sun. But before either one could do much more, they found themselves being barraged by explosions. Yelling in alarm, the four Koopalings, Yoshi and the vim-stained Toads shielded their faces from the Bob-ombs, feeling the blasts burning their arms and bodies. As the smoke cleared, the combatants found themselves surrounded by spear-carrying Koopas, Toad and Beans, all under the control of Wario and Wayoshi.

The two men sneered at the offenders, Bob-Ombs at the ready in their hands. "Anyone so much as twitches the wrong way and yer gonna get blasted," threatened Wario.

"Yeah, ya stupid mushrooms! Ya stupid Koopas!"

"Who are you calling a stupid Koopa?" demanded Bowser, storming into the square, having heard the Bob-omb barrage from two streets over. "I'll teach you to blast _my_ kids!"

"Your Rashness, please, don't make a scene!" beseeched Kamek, floating at his master's side on his broom.

Unfortunately for the old Magikoopa, Mario and Luigi were also entering the square from another street, and upon seeing them, Bowser's eyes flashed with even more rage. "I'm not _not_ going to make a scene – not with Mario here! He's toast!"

"Bowser! I should have-a-known you'd be-a behind this!" But even as he charged up his firebrand, Luigi quickly grabbed his arm, holding his back.

"Mario! Don't do this!"

"Let me go-a, Weegie!"

"I HAVE FURY!" Both Mario and Bowser turned to look up as Fawful flew into sight over the square with his headgear. "Have the extinguishing of the flames of hands and breath and be listening to me, fink-rats! Thrice is being how often you are disturbing the quiet of peacefulness! Is this how you are thanking me for not giving you the execution? I could have the death of all the fink-rats who had the opposition to my rule, but I am being a ruler of mercifulness! Like a flower salesperson who does not sell the wilting flowers, but the potted plants of life, I have the planting of you in this town, not in the ground of R-I-P. You should have the groveling and thanking of the one who is me, Fawful, not the fighting of each other, stupid fink-rats of ingratitude! If you are fighting again, I will not be feeling merciful – then the ground _will_ have the swallowing of you! ARE YOU UNDERSTANDING!?"

The assembled group of Koopas and Mushroomians scowled up at their self-styled benevolent leader, but he was just as annoyed with them. It was the third disturbance they had stirred up in only a month of being under his thumb, and Fawful was seriously starting to wonder why he _did_ leave both the Mario Bros. and the Koopa family alive. At least _Prince Peasley_ never caused a disturbance…

"Righting!" barked Fawful when no one voiced any further dissent. "Fink-Rat Koopa, you and your children of badness will have the coming with me. Fink-Rat Red, you and your moustacheless friends will have the visit to the castle this afternoon. I shall need to be explaining further punishment for the morning disturbance today, which was like the unwelcome sweet vinaigrette on a salad promising the tanginess. I still have fury!"

With that, Fawful zoomed away towards Mushroom Castle. Under the glowering gaze of Wario, Waluigi and their guards, Bowser sighed and started towards the castle himself, sending Mario one last hate-filled look before turning his attention to his kids. Iggy winced as the look his father was giving him, while Junior just hiked the scarf over his snout and avoided eye contact with everyone as he trudged off with his family. However, Wendy still managed to shoot Toad and Toadette one final sneer, as if the altercation was ending in her triumph, rather than a near-arrest.

As it was, Wendy hadn't managed to hurt the Toad too much, but Toadette had a nasty burn and both sported deep slashes from the Koopaling's claws, so as soon as the Koopas and their Wario-led escort were gone, Mario sent them straight to the doctor's. He then turned to Yoshi.

"So, the Koopalings are-a starting fights again?" he said, musing about the quick summary of the pre-fight argument given to him by the Toads before they left.

Yoshi nodded. "And trying to pin the blame on us… I tried to stop it, but Junior attacked me. As much as I hate to say it, we were lucky that Fawful showed up when he did – the Koopalings looked ready to go after Wario and Waluigi too, and we all know what Bowser's like when faced with a chance to get his claws dirty…"

"I'm just glad Peach wasn't here to see her friends get hurt," sighed Luigi. "I wonder where she is, though – have you seen her today?"

"Yeah. I was going for a walk in the forest a bit before dawn and I saw her – but she saw me coming and ducked into some bushes. I think she wanted to be alone, and I was a little preoccupied with my thoughts too, so I didn't chase after her."

Mario frowned concernedly. "She's-a-been going on walks in the-a forest a lot lately. I heard she was seen-a-crying a couple times, too. And she-a-stays at home a lot too, she's-a nothing like her old, cheerful self."

"Do you know why she's so down?"

"It's because-a we've been defeated by that Fawful," scowled Mario.

"We think there's more to it, though – but she won't tell us," elaborated Luigi.

"Can you try to talk to her-a, Yoshi?" beseeched Mario. "She's so-a sad, it makes-a _me_ sad. We-a want to help her."

Yoshi nodded. "Of course, of course I'll talk to her." Suddenly his eyes widened – the former Mushroom Princess was approaching even as they spoke. "Stars, she's right there! She must've heard the bombs too. You guys should get out of here – I'll be sure to worm the truth out of her! I won't let her out of my sights until she spill the beans."

"Ugh, _Beans_ – don't-a remind me," sighed Mario, as he and Luigi made their way across the square. Yoshi frowned after them – Luigi had been looking pretty pale, and as they went, he was obviously walking slower than usual. As they turned the corner, Yoshi even thought he saw the red plumber offer a supporting arm to his ailing twin. He sighed, wondering just how long Luigi had left. As he turned to face Peach, he hoped that was all that was on her mind. "Peach, good morning!"

"It's still morning?" she sighed. "Even with all that racket? Doesn't Wario usually wait until the afternoon to hold his demonstrations?"

"A couple of the Koopalings were stirring up trouble," explained Yoshi.

"Of course they were," she said forlornly. "Were Mario and Luigi involved? I thought I saw them running off just now."

"That _was_ them, but they weren't involved – they were just checking out what all the commotion was about… But then they, um, had to run some errands, and-"

Peach held up a gloved hand. Even though she wasn't a princess anymore, she still wore her old pink dress. All that was missing was her crown. "Don't lie, Yoshi – I know they're avoiding me."

"They're worried about you," said the green dinosaur earnestly. "They wanted me to talk to you – they say you're sad about something and won't tell them what it is."

"Of course I'm not going to tell them – _they_ are the problem," said Peach.

Yoshi arched a scaly eyebrow – he certainly didn't expect it to be that easy to get the truth out of the ex-princess. And he didn't expect the Marios to be the root of her melancholy. "What do you mean? What are they doing?"

"That's just it – they're not doing anything! They're just lying down and letting Fawful order us all around. How could they? I thought they were my heroes – _our_ heroes. Our protectors, our _saviours_. But they let me down – they let us all down when we needed them most, and look what's happening to the Mushroom Kingdom! There's drugs and prostitution and violence on the streets, and Fawful's peacekeepers don't do anything about it!"

"That's not true – they keep the _main_ streets clean…" protested Yoshi. "And Mario and Luigi _tried_ to stop Fawful, and look what happened! I think Luigi's dying, Peach – he doesn't look good. And so many others died… You can't hold Mario and Luigi responsible for all this."

"I'm not, I'm not," sighed Peach wearily. "I know it's not their fault – it's _Fawful's_ fault. But still, I just can't believe that they've _given up_! That's not the Mario I used to know… The man I used to…" She bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes.

Yoshi shook his head. "Oh, Peach! Don't cry – if you cry then I'm going to cry. Don't worry. I'm sure it'll get better soon. Evil never wins: you know that. I'm sure Mario will think of something."

Peach nodded, forcing a smile onto her face. "I'm sorry, Yoshi – I'm sure you're right. I shouldn't give up hope so quickly. That's not me at all – I don't know what's come over me lately."

"Maybe you're just worried about Luigi – I know I am…"

Peach nodded, jumping on the out Yoshi had given her. "Yeah, I _am_ worried about him… He's just such a dear friend – I just can't believe he's not doing well. I suppose it's making everything else look pretty bleak too."

"Well, I suppose you never know – maybe the Stars will finally send us another miracle and he'll get better?"

"Maybe…" said Peach. "I make a wish every night for them to help us, but I think Fawful's diseases affect them too. They _are_ still living beings like the rest of us. I fear he forced them to forsake us."

Seeing Peach sliding back into her melancholy, Yoshi shook his head. "N- no, I'm sure they haven't. Look, just, don't worry – just, hope for the best!"

Peach turned away from Yoshi. "I do," she lied, "but that doesn't mean I can just ignore all the bad things that have happened – all the evil that still abounds, unchecked. I'm sorry I'm such a downer, but I just can't forget how far we've fallen."

As she walked away, Yoshi started after her once more, calling out as he went. "It'll get better, Peach – and then you can forget everything that's happened. I promise!"

Peach scowled to herself. Yoshi meant well, but his optimism was naïve. As she had been all these years. She was through with waiting for Mario to save her – she knew better than to do nothing but sit and hope the Star Spirits answer her prayers. She would find a way to save the world herself, even if she had to do it alone.


	3. Act I Scene ii

**A/N****: As anyone who's read my Shakespeare adaptations should know by now, while I generally try to follow along with the original dialogue, it very rarely comes out as a direct "translation". For example, in the last chapter, Iggy and Wendy's crude jokes were similar in spirit to the original, but twisted around. In fact, I often end up branching off in a completely direction if the plot changes I've made necessitate it – which is going to be a pretty common occurrence in this story. Last Chapter, Yoshi and Peach's conversation was mostly original, and same deal here, seeing as I've changed the stuff about Romeo/Peach's funk around pretty heavily. Bowser's also pretty different than Capulet, so his conversation's a bit different, as is Morton's part.**

Act I. Scene ii.

Bowser stormed through the streets on his way back from Mushroom Castle.

"Now now, honey – I know you don't like answering to Fawful, but it's for the best," beseeched Birdo, who had decided to tag along with the Koopa King after seeing him in such a foul mood up at the castle. She and Fawful were on good terms, and she knew that if Bowser only put in the effort, he could get the little Bean's favour too. Seeing him continue to resist and continue to stir up trouble upset her – it didn't need to be this way.

Bowser snorted. "At least Mario's in the Chomp house too."

Sensing an opening, Birdo made her pitch once more. "If you only cooperated, Mario would be the _only_ one in Fawful's bad books. I know you and Fawful were enemies a couple times, but it's Mario and Luigi that he hates – they're the ones that killed his old mistress, after all."

"I'm Bowser Koopa – I never cooperate!" countered the former king.

Birdo sighed. "Well, have you at least thought about my offer?"

"I'm not marrying off Lemmy – I don't care how much prestige you'll bring to the family," said Bowser. The thought of using Birdo to climb any sort of social ladder disgusted him – she was a toady: she should be trying to elevate _her_ status by wooing his kids."

"But think about Lemmy – he's such a little cutie, but most girls won't give him a second glance just because he's a little different: you don't want him to end up alone, do you?"

"Of course not! But an arranged marriage? It's just so old-fashioned: I don't _do_ old-fashioned."

"Then don't arrange it – just ask him. Let him know that I don't care if he's a mutant – I think he's just the most adorable thing, and I don't want kids anyway."

"Not that you could have them anyway, seeing as you're not the same species… And you're not, uh…"

"It's who you are that matters, not what body you were born into," asserted Birdo.

Bowser sighed. "I suppose it can't hurt to ask – if he's fine with it, we can talk. In the meantime, I'm throwing a Bowser Party tonight. It's like a Mario Party, but better, since everyone will be in costume, and Mario's not going to be there."

"Sounds like fun," said Birdo.

"Oh, it is. I want you to come – I'm inviting everyone who's ever been a villain."

"Even Fawful?"

"Like he'd come anyway," said Bowser, dodging the question. "Well, this is my stop." Bowser's house was one of the largest houses in Toad Town: even with Ludwig, Larry and Roy gone, the Koopas were a big family and still had a gaggle of servants living with them. They had scarcely walked up when Morton ran out to greet them.

"Hey ex-King Dad, how was Fawful – was he very mad? Hi Birdo, what's up? Iggy and Wendy aren't with you? I'm surprise you didn't ground them for starting _another_ fight. But I guess we're all a little old for being grounded. And where's BJ? And-"

"Morton, shut up for a second, will ya?" snarled Bowser. He had indeed been pretty mad at Iggy, Wendy and Junior for making him look like a fool at Fawful's hand – and what's more, they didn't even manage to take out one of Bowser's pals with their antics. He had sent them off to actually get the shopping done – this time with Kammy and Kamek babysitting them. He figured making them do chores was a better punishment than letting them laze about the house.

Bowser wished he was still in charge: then their aggression could be used for his own evil schemes, but as it was now, it was just one more thing he had to worry about. And then Larry took it to the other extreme by swearing off any involvement at all – although at least he wasn't as bad as the deserter Ludwig. Even traitorous Roy still made an effort to be part of the family every now and then, although that was still a far cry from being a _good_ son. Bowser had disowned all three of them, and while he wouldn't seriously do the same to Iggy, Wendy and Junior, they were starting to be more trouble than they were worth. And Morton was always a pain with his constant chatter. Bowser certainly wasn't looking forward to having him around all afternoon, but then he had an idea.

"Hey, Morton – go around and make sure all the guests know to bring a costume and what time to arrive and all that. And invite any villains I might've forgotten."

"Okey-dokey ex-King Dad! With Fawful forcing all the old rabble-rousers together under one roof – well, sky, but that's not a proper expression so I suppose it'd be better to say 'all within the same city's walls', but that's not really a saying either. But my point is, it's easy to find everyone, so-"

"Just go," sighed Bowser. As Morton scurried off, he turned back to Birdo. "I don't suppose you'd rather marry _him_?"

Elsewhere, Yoshi was still trying to cheer Peach up. "Fine then, if not Mario, can't you think of someone else who can help us? Fawful has most of the old heroes rounded up in the city – maybe we could get them to come together-"

"And be wiped out by another plague," sighed Peach.

"_Now_ who's being a defeatist?" huffed Yoshi. "Maybe you could try writing to one of the free kingdoms? Prince Pine and King Fret owe us a favour."

"For _saving_ them from _Bowser_ – imagine how they'll do against _Fawful_," said Peach, rolling her eyes. A way out of the mess wasn't going to be nearly that simple.

"Say what about Fawful?"

Peach and Yoshi jumped as Morton appeared behind them.

"What are you going!?" admonished Peach. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

"I'm inviting people to a Bowser Party," chirped the Koopaling, but then his eyes widened. "Oh, but not you guys – ex-King Dad wouldn't be happy about that. Or at least, not about you, Yoshi."

"Who _is_ invited?" asked Peach.

"Oh y'know, bad guys," said Morton. "Roy's gonna be there, and Wario and Wayoshi. Umm, Donkey Kong and Cranky Kong – seeing as they've both pestered Mario before. King Boo, Petey Piranha – I'm going to be there, obviously, and all the other Koopalings who still live with ex-King Dad – the party's at our place, surprise surprise. Oh, but again, I'm not inviting you guys, just to be clear. No offense." Morton flashed them a toothy grin. He didn't share Iggy, Wendy and Junior's hostility towards the Mushroomians – an audience was an audience as far as he was concerned.

"None taken," said Yoshi woodenly.

"It's a shame, too – it's gonna be fun. Everyone's gonna be in costume and everything. But I suppose it's not very nice of me to go telling you everything you're gonna be missing," Morton grimaced apologetically.

Yoshi shrugged. "Well, don't let us keep you."

"Oh, no worries – it's been fun chatting. We should do it again sometime – I'd love to hear what you've been up to lately, Peach: I don't see you too often now that ex-King Dad's not kidnapping you all the time. But I'm sure _you_ don't mind that. Anyway, I gotta go, bye!"

Peach watched him run off, smiling. "Well, at least some things never change."

Yoshi was smiling too, but at something else. "Donkey Kong! I can't believe it didn't occur to me until now – we could see if DK will help us."

Peach paused to consider it. Donkey Kong usually didn't stay in Toad Town, but Fawful had forced him to visit by threatening to send a capsule of one of his diseases to DK Island. Besides Yoshi Island and Dinosaur Land, the Bean had no interest in the island nations surrounding the Mushroom Continent, but he wanted the monkeys in the south to know who was boss, lest they got any ideas about helping their friends. Threatening his homeland was certainly no way to make nice with DK, but rather than foolishly retaliating against a superior opponent who hadn't even done anything to them yet, Cranky convinced his grandson to do as he was "asked" and pay their violent new neighbour a visit. Even so, Cranky tagged along to make sure the meeting went okay, and the two were planning to return south soon.

"I thought they left yesterday," Peach mused.

"So did I – guess they decided to stick around for Bowser's party. Maybe we should go see them. We can bring lunch and see if they'd be willing to help us."

Peach shook her head. "They're staying at Mushroom Castle; I tried seeing them when they first arrived, but Fawful's guards didn't let me in. They probably knew why I wanted to talk to DK…"

"Well, he _does_ make a habit of kicking evil's butt. Not as much as Mario and Luigi, but better than nothing…" Yoshi mulled over the new option for a moment, before looking back to Peach. "Didn't Morton say it's going to be a costume party? We should disguise ourselves, sneak in and talk to DK. Fawful won't see it coming!"

Peach turned away, thinking it over. She wasn't keen on putting her faith in _another_ so-called hero – she didn't want to be let down _yet again_. But she supposed there was no harm in asking him for help even if it _was_ a long shot, and doing _something_ was better than nothing. "Okay," she said, smiling with false confidence at Yoshi. "Let's do it!"


	4. Act I Scene iii

**A/N****: Rather than a monologue, I had Kammy's rambling interspersed with Kamek's attempts to cut in. I also made Lemmy a bit less subservient than Juliet.**

Act I. Scene iii.

"Kammy!" called Kamek irritably, finally catching sight of the other Magikoopa. "Where's Lemmy? I've been looking for him for an hour."

"How should I know? Everyone's running all over the place… Lemmy! Lemmy, come here!" Kamek rolled his eyes at Kammy – as if he hadn't already tried calling. The party was about to begin, and Bowser's household wasn't ready at all: he should be helping, not wasting him time chasing down Lemmy. If anything, Bowser should be the one doing this – he was supposed to pass on the message, after all, not remember at the last minute and stick it on poor Kamek.

To the Magikoopa's surprise, however, Kammy's calling was met with an answer: "Yes? Who's calling me?" Lemmy rolled into the hallway from one of the adjacent rooms.

"Kamek's been looking for you," said Kammy.

Lemmy came to a stop in front of the Magikoopas, perched atop his yellow and blue star ball, his head cocked to the side questioningly. "Why?"

"I need to talk to you privately. Get out of here, Kammy." But when the old witch crossed her arms and scowled, not budging an inch, Kamek relented. "Fine, you can stay – come on let's talk in here."

As they followed Kamek's gesture and walked into the room Lemmy had just came out of, Kammy grinned at the Koopa wizard. "Ooh, it's a secret, huh? What's going on?"

"Well, as you guys know, Lemmy's an adult now, so-"

"Not that you could tell by looking at him," interrupted Kammy, reaching up and pinching the Koopaling's cheek. "He's still as cute as a Parabuzzy."

"Yes, and that's actually got the attention of-"

"I can still remember the day I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, and he said he wanted to be Peter Parabuzzy – the boy who never grows up. And so he has!"

"Yes, he has grown up, and-"

"I mean, he has become _like_ Peter-"

"Except that's a fairytale, and-"

"But I suppose Peter _did_ grow up – at least in that one movie. He fell in love – and that makes you grow up: in more ways than one. You sorta need to develop enough for the _full_ love experience, amirite Kamek?"

"Funny you should bring that up-"

"And you'll know too, Lemmy – someday you'll meet the right girl and-"

"That could actually happen sooner than you think-"

"See? Even our resident Valentine's Day Grinch agrees. You'll always look like a cutie, but you'll be _someone's_ cutie, and then you'll get a taste of the not-so-cute aspects of _looove_…"

Lemmy grinned sheepishly at Kammy's comments. "Well, I'm not really thinking about that sorta stuff yet, so…"

"Really? I was all over the boys when I was your age. And they were all over me, if you know what I mean!"

"Kammy!" winced Kamek. "I don't want to hear that! Honesty, you speak as much as Morton sometimes…" Kamek turned to Lemmy. "Seeing as Kammy can't keep her trap shut for more than two seconds, I'll cut to the chase: Birdo wants to marry you."

"What?" gasped Lemmy.

"Ooooh, Birdo! _The_ Birdo!?" Kammy cackled excitedly. "You lucky boy – I hear Birdos make the best lovers, and everyone knows how passionate _she_ is. And she's loaded. Oh, and in good with Fawful. You might even get to live at a castle again!"

"What do you say, Lemmy?" asked Kamek, scrutinizing the blushing Koopaling's face. "Bowser and I think it's a good idea too, but only if you're up for it. She is about as good a bride as you could hope to land, in all honesty, and like Kammy said – it'd make your life a lot easier to be connected to her, and by extension, Fawful. And I hate to say this, but it might help the rest of us too, although Bowser won't admit to it…"

Lemmy thought about it for a minute. "I don't really _know_ her…"

"Well, she's coming to the Bowser Party – you can get to know her then."

Lemmy nodded. "I suppose – I'll do my best to like her. As you guys said, it probably _would_ be for the best…"

"There's no rush," said Kamek. "We'd just like get the ball rolling, as it were." He poked Lemmy's own ball good-naturedly.

"I'd rush it, if I were you – then you'd _really_ have a ball!" leered Kammy lasciviously.

"Guys?" Iggy opened the door to the room, making a face. "What are you doing up here? The guests are arriving – it's total chaos out there. Bowser's calling for you both, and Lemmy should be out greeting the guests too."

"We're coming, we're coming!" said Kamek exasperatedly, making his way towards the door as Iggy disappeared down the hall. He turned back to Lemmy before he went. "Remember – talk to Birdo. Give her a chance."

"And if she gives _you_ a chance, you take it, boy!" Kammy grinned up at Kammy as she hurried after the other Magikoopa. The Koopaling followed behind, mulling over the news in his head. He didn't have any intention of getting busy with Birdo – she had always been nice enough, but he wasn't interested in her in the slightest, no matter how good a lover she supposedly was. He even doubted those claims – the only relationship of hers he could even name was with Yoshi. He supposed that fell apart when Birdo sided with Fawful, and while Lemmy was determined to keep politics out of his lovelife, he seriously doubted there was a lovelife to be _had_ with Birdo. But he wasn't going to rule out the possibility entirely – not until he at least gave her a fair chance. After all, who knew? Maybe he really _would_ fall in love that night…


	5. Act I Scene iv

**A/N****: I got rid of Mercutio's speech about Queen Mab, since it really doesn't suit Daisy or the new **_**Mario**_** setting, and I downplayed Peach's prophetic dream: she may be pessimistic like Romeo was at this point, but she's also decided to take her life into her own hands, so being worried about a message from the Stars doesn't suit her anymore.**

Act I. Scene iv.

Peach, Yoshi and Daisy walked up to Bowser's house, lagging behind a group of Koopas and Goombas that was actually allowed to be there. The ex-princesses both wore Shy Guy outfits, with long hooded red cloaks covering them from head to foot, secured at their waists with belts, and tucked into red gloves at the wrists; they even buffed some running shoes with blue shoe polish to complete the look. For his part, Yoshi was dressed as a Koopatrol, using the helmet, fake spiked shell and the rest of the armour to hide the fact that he was no Koopa, with any uncovered green patches hastily turned yellow with costume paint.

"What should we tell them?" whispered Peach as they neared the doors, warily eyeing the Goomba doormen through her mask. "Or should we just walk in?"

"Making up excuses for why we're here would just make them _more_ suspicious. The dinner's almost over, and from what I heard in town this afternoon, the dancing portion's _not_ invitation-only. Obviously they wouldn't want _us_ in, but I highly doubt this lot were invited, yet in they go." Yoshi nodded at the group of nobodies ahead of them.

"Yeah, don't worry, Peach," added Daisy, throwing her arm around her friend. "We'll just go in, have some fun – dance around a bit and leave, no one the wiser."

"I don't feel like dancing," said Peach, shrugging off Peach's arm as they neared the door. "I'm just going to talk to DK. You guys have fun."

"No way, girl – you've _got_ to dance! You're the best in the kingdom!"

"That's because I used to be one of the happiest people in the kingdom," sighed Peach. "But not anymore –my soul's so heavy: it weighs me down." They were past the doors now, the Goombas having paid the unusually tall, lanky guests and their rather oddly-shaped "Koopa" friend no particular mind. They weren't expecting trouble, after all, and turning someone away seemed like too much of a bother.

Daisy sighed exasperatedly. Yoshi had told her about his conversation with Peach, but she refused to believe it. "Come on! You can't _really_ have given up. That's _so_ no like you at all. Just dig deep and find that spirit we all know and love and _own_ that dance floor, baby!"

"If DK agrees to help us, _then_ I won't be so quick to give up hope-"

"Psh," snorted Daisy. "Monkey shmokey – lighten up, Peach. I mean, everything's not _so_ bad…"

"Easy for you to say – Fawful _likes_ you," hissed Peach, careful to keep her voice down, although the other guests around them were engrossed in their own conversations.

Daisy shrugged. It was true – since she had never really taken an active part in stopping evil, Fawful didn't feel threatened by her, and like Birdo, he insisted she stayed in the castle. She often wondered why – it's not like the little Bean had any _indecent_ interests in her, and he didn't seem like the type to get lonely easily, so her theory was that it was all about PR: he wanted people to know that those who cooperated were rewarded. She felt bad living it up while Peach and the Mario Bros. were stuck in houses in town, but it's not like they were _slumming_ it – their places weren't as big as the mansion around them, but it was still good living. "Even so," she countered, "when life's rough, you gotta be rough with life! Don't let it kick you around – beat it down and do what you want with it!"

Peach smirked behind her mask: she didn't need to be told to start taking control. If Yoshi's idea about DK didn't pan out – and she figured it wouldn't – she'd come up with something herself. Something that _didn't_ rely on anyone's wits but her own. She didn't want to dance because she was sad – she didn't want to dance because there were more important things to do now. She couldn't afford to be the prissy princess who only cared about parties and cakes and dancing anymore. Let Daisy be that girl.

"Well, what I _want_ to do is sit this one out," said Peach. "You guys have fun – I'm gonna find DK."

"Come on, don't be such a stick in the mud! All this arguing is keeping us _all_ off the dance floor," whined Daisy, looking wistfully through the crowd at the middle of the room, where an opening had been cleared. Already, a few Koopas, Goombas and even Shy Guys were starting to bop along to the music, and she wanted to join them – and show 'em how it was done. "Come on, dance with me!"

"Yes, let us get you out of your funk with some funky fresh moves," added Yoshi.

Daisy rolled her eyes behind her mask. "Ugh, Yoshi, no one _talks_ like that anymore!"

"Well, sorry for being a few years ahead of your time."

"If by that you mean 'sorry for being an old fogey', apology accepted. Now, stop being such a stubborn Clubba and dance with us, Peach – we're burning daylight!"

"But it's night," argued Peach.

"You know what I mean! Stop trying to stall," huffed Daisy.

"Sorry, but I don't want to. And really, I'd recommend you not make a big spectacle of your own dancing, for once."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Daisy crossed her arms defensively.

"Well, I after I spoke with Yoshi I went home and had a nap, and I had this dream-"

"Uh oh, _here_ it comes…"

Ignoring her friend, Peach pressed on. "I don't remember details, but I do know that it involved things going wrong, and people dying, and somehow, this party was involved."

"You don't think it was a prophetic dream, do you? Do you think something bad's going to happen now – during the party?" Yoshi's eyes widened fearfully. "Why didn't you mention it sooner?"

"Because it's a stupid dream," said Daisy dismissively. "And obviously she thinks so too or she wouldn't have come."

"They thought Subcon was a dream at first," argued Yoshi.

"I highly doubt she went to Subcon again."

"I wasn't saying she did, but maybe the Stars finally answered our prayers and gave us a sign..."

"Guys, stop arguing," Peach put a hand on both her friends' shoulders. "I don't think it was an actual prophetic dream, or a message from the Stars, or _whatever_. It was just a bad dream, but it reminded me that we need to be cautious. This isn't any old party – it's _Bowser's_ party. It shouldn't take a dream to remind us to keep our heads down." At this, she turned her face specifically towards Daisy. Her friend was always the life of the party, and ever since she inexplicably broke up with Luigi shortly after the second plague, she had been particularly rowdy. Peach truly didn't think her dream was any sort of message, but nonetheless, she couldn't shake the feeling that her friend was going to get herself in trouble sooner or later, and she didn't want to see it happen on account of her attempt to talk to Donkey Kong. Even it _would_ technically be Yoshi's fault, Peach knew she'd feel guilty too, and hard-nosed as she was willing herself to become, hurting someone else in any way was still the last thing she wanted to do.

Daisy sighed, but nodded her hooded head. "I guess you're right. I'll try to… control myself, okay?"

"So will I," agreed Yoshi. "Now, it looks like the dinner guests are coming out of the dining hall. I think we should wait a bit before approaching Donkey Kong, so let's just mingle a bit and have a couple low-key dances, okay?"

"Party-goers actually enjoying themselves will stand out a lot less than standing about brooding, waiting for DK to wander into a secluded corner and then jumping him," added Daisy.

It was Peach's turn to sigh. "Okay, fine. But only a couple dances – then I'll go speak to DK alone. It'll be less suspicious than all of us going."

"Yay!" squealed Daisy, grabbing Peach's wrist and heaving her towards the dance floor. But as the ex-Mushroom princess looked up at Bowser and his guests filing out of the dining room, she couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Or perhaps, she was just excited about finally doing something. Sure, talking to Donkey Kong wasn't a monumental undertaking, and it probably wouldn't work anyway, but it was better than nothing, and maybe, just maybe, she actually would start the ball rolling that night. Maybe she really _could_ save the Mushroom Kingdom.


	6. Act I Scene v

**A/N****: Since Peach and Lemmy already know each other, I had to change this scene around quite a bit.**

Act I. Scene v.

"Ugh, why do _we_ have to help clear the table?" growled Wendy. "Why isn't Junior here too? He was also in the fight."

"Yeah, but he didn't _start_ it," said Iggy, shooting his sister a dark look. Technically, he didn't start the fight either, but Bowser wouldn't let him off the hook and ordered both him and Wendy to help out their Koopa underlings with the party.

"Ugh, this is _so_ unfair," moaned Wendy as Iggy picked up a load of dirty dishes and teetered off towards the kitchen, passing the Hammer Bro. twins on the way. "Hey, about time you two got here!"

"Sorry, yo!" said the first Hammer Bro.

"Yeah, yo, we were helping clean dishes in the kitchen," explained the second Hammer Bro.

"We can't be in two places at the same time, yo."

"Yeah, yo – be reasonable."

"Whatever," snorted Wendy. "There's the last of the dishes and all the cutlery. I'm going to throw the dirty napkins in the hamper and then I'm going down to the party, got me?"

"Yo, Bowser said-"

"Daddy said I had to help out, and I have – but there is no way I'm missing out on the dancing to wash dishes!" Wendy was already heading towards the door as she spoke.

"But, yo!"

"Discussion over!" she snapped, slamming the door behind her. She hurried to the laundry room, fuming all the way and managing to deposit the soiled linens and get back up to the dance floor in time to catch her father's speech to the guests.

Bowser stood at the head of the stairwell leading down from the dining hall, looking out over the crowded dance floor below. "Ladies and Gentlekoopas! Goombas and Shy Guys! Special guests! This is the first monthly Bowser Party! I hope those of you who came to dinner have been enjoying yourself – but you better have left room for dancing. All you pretty ladies out there, don't be shy – no one can see your ugly mugs under those masks, so feel free to cut a rug! It doesn't matter who or what you are, we're all here to have a good time! Yes, it's time for the bad guys to have a good time, amirite?" Bowser grinned as the people cheered in agreement. "Musicians, play it loud! Goombas, better watch that you don't get stepped on! Boos, come out into the light and shake your tails! Bwa ha ha! That's what I'm talking about!" Bowser nodded approvingly at the throng below him, but rather than joining, he lumbered over to Roy, who was off to one side of the balcony ringing the hall at the same level of the dining hall. "I'll join them later," the ex-King said, almost to himself. "For now, I'm afraid I ate too much. What's _your_ excuse?"

"You know me, Pops – I don't dance," grunted Roy.

"Oh, right," said Bowser, before clearing his throat. "So, we didn't get to talk much at dinner, did we?"

Roy shrugged.

"So Larry was saying he hasn't gotten a letter from Ludwig for a couple weeks… have you, ah… heard from him recently?"

"From Larry? I see 'im all da time."

"No, from Ludwig."

Roy sneered at his father. "Whadda _you_ care?" He then stormed off. He blamed Bowser for driving his older brother off. Ludwig hadn't just left: when Bowser found out he was planning to leave, he _kicked_ his son out, disowning him and telling him to never come back. Bowser had always had a habit of flying off the handle, but this was too much for Roy, and he turned his back on his father before he could be shown the same mistreatment as Ludwig. He didn't care if his father was trying to make peace now – he'd play nice when he _had_ too, but he wasn't going to forgive him. It was too little, too late.

Bowser sighed and wandered off, looking for someone less cranky to chat with until he felt like hitting the dance floor. Meanwhile, Peach had struck out with Donkey Kong: shortly before Bowser's speech, she managed to catch the big ape over by the snack bar, slurping down some fruit punch, but he told her there was no way he could help her. Fawful's plan had worked out just as he little Bean had hoped: the Kongs had seen the power wielded by the little maniac and his vials of airborne poison, and there was no way they were going to stick their noses in the business up north. Donkey Kong and his grandfather were going back to their tropical island home in the morning, and while he expressed his sympathy and condolences, Peach noted that her old friend didn't even offer her a ride with him. Of course he wasn't going to fight a war for her – he wouldn't even harbour fugitives, not when Fawful was the one who'd want them back.

Not wanting to tell her friends the bad (if predictable) news, Peach forlornly twisted and turned to the music off on her own at the edge of the dance floor. But she was just going through the motions – her mind was elsewhere as her eyes darted about the hallway, safely hidden by her Shy Guy mask. She might not have gotten Donkey Kong on her side, but maybe one of the villains would be willing to overthrow the tyrant Fawful. She'd even help Bowser if he was so inclined – he helped beat the Bean once, and maybe he could do it again. Once Fawful was gone, getting the land back from Bowser would be a lot easier – if he didn't get himself killed as part of his half of the takeover, of course.

But as Peach watched Bowser get driven off by Roy, she realized the ex-Koopa King had fallen just as far as Mario and Luigi. She was too far to hear the exchange, but she suspected it had something to do with Roy's break from his family – she had heard all about the drama from Larry, who was one of the few people she still enjoyed talking to. He was a schemer, a cheater and a liar, and while she used to shun dishonesty, these days, she knew it was a valuable tool if she hoped to fix things. Being a good guy wasn't going to cut it anymore: you had to fight fire with fire. But obviously Bowser's fire wasn't what she was looking for: if he couldn't hold his children's loyalty, and let them reject his attempts at conversation at his own party, what chance could he have at wresting control of four conquered kingdoms from Fawful?

Roy still had some fight in him, but he worked for Fawful: Peach wasn't about to risk outing herself as an active dissenter for the scarce hope of getting an ally on the inside who, unlike Daisy, might actually try and help free the land. She already had Larry on her side, and while Morton wasn't her ally, he wasn't an enemy either. She could see him hopping about on the dance floor, periodically shaking the ground with over-exuberant landings, and both Iggy and Wendy were near Peach herself, drinks in hand as they danced with a group of Sledge Bros., any costumes they might have started the party with long since abandoned. Peach knew better than to approach them – they would sooner kill her than join her, even if it meant they could stop Fawful: according to Larry, all those two ever cared about anymore were short term thrills, and the fight earlier that day had driven the point home very effectively.

Junior was also a dead-end, not that Peach could make him out amongst the revelers anyway – unlike some of his siblings, he must have kept his costume on. That left Lemmy. From what Larry said, his older brother was still full of childlike innocence, and while he was still a loyal and obedient son to Bowser, he was no fan of the continued feuding between the Koopas and the Mushroomians. He rarely ventured out of his home, both for fear of the fighting, and also to hide from the other unsavory business that ruled the streets. The older Koopaling never mentioned it, but Larry figured Lemmy was no fan of Fawful's either: if it weren't for his takeover, the Koopa family would still be together, the streets would be cleaner and safer, and Lemmy would still be happy.

And he _did_ look pretty sad. Peach had spotted him on the balcony, twirling about on his ball, his face as somber as hers, framed by his own cloak, a pale blue to Peach's red. Watching the Koopaling, the gears in Peach's mind began to spin as well. Lemmy was the key. There was no way she could stop Fawful on her own, not even if she had all the Mushroom Kingdom at her back. But if she had the Koopa Kingdom helping her, instead of picking fights with her people, they stood a chance. That was how they fell before, after all: they were so weak from constantly fighting that Fawful was able to come up the middle and topple them both, with Sarasaland and the Beanbean Kingdom dragged down with them. If she could get everyone to stop fighting and join together, maybe they could fix that.

Bowser and Mario were too proud to make peace, but if she could get to Lemmy, maybe she could use him to persuade his father, while she herself worked on Mario. Peach grinned, the predatory sneer thankfully hidden behind the Shy Guy mask as she stared up at Lemmy, thinking of what she could say to him to get him on her side. She wasn't going to just make her case and hope he goes along with it – she was going to be the driver, it was all going to be under her control. Slowly, she began to make her way through the crowd towards the stairs leading up to the balcony, barely reaching the base before Lemmy seemed to grow tired of dancing and disappeared down a hallway.

Peach had been hoping she could get the Koopaling alone, but unlike Bowser's castles, she didn't know her way around his new mansion and unwilling to lose her prey in the potentially twisting corridors, she dashed up the stairs, accidentally bumping into someone dressed like Tubba Blubba as she rounded the bend at the top.

"Sorry!" she called, before dashing away.

The figure turned, scowling murderously after her before wheeling around and rushing down the stairs, unapologetically plowing through the crowd until he reached Bowser.

"Junior! What are you doing?" growled Bowser, shocked at his son's rudeness towards the guests.

"Peach is here!" snarled the youngest Koopaling. "She bumped into me and ran down one of the corridors. She was disguised as a Shy Guy, but I recognized her voice!"

"Peach is here?" Bowser's face lightened up a bit at the news. He still harboured a soft spot for the ex-princess.

"Yes! She crashed our party and now she's snooping around our house! I'm going to grab some guards and get her-"

"What? No you will not!" ordered Bowser. "She's probably just looking for the bathroom, and after all my years of kidnapping her, there's no way I'd throw her out the one time she comes to my home by choice!"

"But she's our enemy!"

"Junior, you're making a scene," warned Bowser. "Peach is welcome here – she may be a Mushroomian, but she's no enemy of mine. I'm not sure why I didn't even invite her."

"But she's Mario's friend, and she's done you so much wrong! She crashed your party! All those times they threw you out of their Mario Parties, and you're just gonna let her waltz on into _your_ party."

Bowser glared at his son. "Key word: _my_ party. Who's the master of this house? Me, not you, and I say she stays!"

"But-"

"No 'but's," growled Bowser menacingly. "I'm starting to regret going easy on you today – clearly you're as eager to start fights as Iggy and Wendy. You're gonna get yourself in trouble if you keep this up, now be quiet and get out of my sight!" Bowser turned on his heel and stomped away, forcing a smile on his face as he reassured his guests all was well, calling for louder music and more dancing and leaving Junior trembling with rage. Bowser might not have a problem with Peach, but Junior would make the woman he once called "Mama" rue her decision to crash that party – he just needed to have a little patience.

Unaware of her unmasking back on the dance floor, Peach sprinted through the halls, only seeming to catch a glimpse of Lemmy's retreating shadow every time she turned a corner, finally calling out in desperation. "Lemmy! Wait!"

The Koopaling stopped, rolling his ball back and blinking in surprise. "Oh, sorry – I thought you were someone else. He frowned, "but why are you following me?"

"I want to talk to you," said Peach, lifting her mask.

Lemmy gasped. "Princess Peach! What are _you_ doing here?"

"I'm not a princess anymore," she smiled sadly, walking up to him. "And I'm here to talk to you."

"Why?" He looked down at her, the rubber ball making him slightly taller than the human.

Peach suddenly reached forward, seizing both of Lemmy's hands. Up close, she realized the fabric was slightly translucent: he was dressed as a ghost. "I think you feel the same way I do," she began. "About everything that's happened. I can tell, it makes you sad to see our friends and family always fighting."

Lemmy nodded, his eyes wide as he felt the warmth of Peach's hands pass through the fabric of her velvety red gloves, her blue eyes boring into his little black pupils.

She smiled sweetly at him. "I want all this fighting to stop – there's too much hate, and not enough love, don't you think? This world used to be such a happy place, but now it's so cold and sad."

"Y-yeah, cold," Lemmy nodded again. He hadn't seen Peach in a while – she was as pretty as ever, although she _did_ look a bit drained, but in a way, that made her even lovelier, somehow.

Peach drew Lemmy's hands together, clasping them in her own hands, holding them up between them even as she took a step closer to the blushing Koopaling. "I want to fix things – but I need your help. We need to show that there _can_ be peace and friendship and love between the Koopas and the Mushroomians. We need to show that there is still good in this world."

"Uh-huh," nodded Lemmy, unable to look away from the ex-princess, unable to think of anything but the warmth of her hands, wishing there wasn't gloves between her skin and his scales, wishing her hair wasn't hidden under her hood, wishing the cloak wasn't masking her smell, and terrifying himself over just how strongly she had taken command of his senses. No wonder his father had fallen in love with her.

"Lemmy!" called Kammy from around the corner.

Peach suppressed a frustrated sigh – things had been going so well, too. Pulling Lemmy's hands to her lips, she gave them a light kiss to finish on a high note. "Think about what I've said – I'll return as soon as I can."

"Wha? But-" Lemmy watched in dismay as Peach released her grip on him, pulling her mask back down just as Kammy appeared behind her.

"There you are – Birdo's looking for you. And who are _you_?"

Busy surveying each other, both Peach and Kammy missed the look of horror that crossed Lemmy's face at the mention of Birdo's name.

"I'm, uh-" Peach cast around for an answer, but fortunately for her, Kammy was in a hurry.

"Well, whoever you are, you're keeping this young Koopaling from what could very well be his future fiancée – isn't that right, Lemmy?"

"Wh- what?" gasped Peach as she watched Kammy pinch Lemmy's cheek, the resulting wince once more disguising how he felt about the potential arrangement with Birdo.

"Yes, Birdo's asked Bowser for his son's hand in marriage. Isn't that just something! It's great to see our fellow women taking the initiative, don't you think? The world needs more strong females, mweh heh heh. But now's not the time to gossip – we really have to go. Come on, Lemmy, don't dawdle." The Koopaling looked over his shoulder longingly as the old Magikoopa led him away, and Peach watched him go with concern. She hadn't counted on him being married off just as she was making her move – but two could play at that game. Birdo wasn't the only strong female in town, and Peach would just have to be _more_ aggressive. Nevertheless, a wrench being thrown into her Plan A so swiftly had unnerved Peach, and she rushed back to the dance hall.

Yoshi and Daisy had been waiting for her anxiously: word of Bowser and Junior's argument had gotten around and they flagged her over before anyone else could try and find out if she really _was_ Peach. "We should go now," hissed Yoshi. "The party's winding down."

Peach wasn't about to argue and with a nod, she let her friends lead the way. She was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice the whispers and the glances that followed the threesome as they hurried to the door.

"Aww, everyone's leaving already? But what about dessert?" Said Bowser plaintively. Kamek cleared his throat, whispering something to his former king. "What? Oh yeah, I suppose we _did_ already have dessert. Ah well, I suppose it _is_ getting late. I'll see everyone next month, in that case! Goodbye!"

As Bowser stood at the door, bidding the guests goodbye, Lemmy thankfully said his own farewell to Birdo and headed off to his room, but Kammy kept pace with him. "Oh, you know what I heard? Peach was here tonight!"

"Oh really?" said Lemmy.

"Yes, Junior apparently threw a tantrum and His ex-Hostingness got mad – at least it didn't wreck the party. Still, she should have known better."

"W-well, maybe she just wanted to make friends," said Lemmy.

"Then she shouldn't have come disgui- are you blushing?"

"No, I'm just tired," said Lemmy. Kammy wasn't sold, and narrowed her eyes suspiciously behind her glasses, but she dropped the matter for the time being. She could ask Lemmy about his "mysterious" visitor later, although she had a sneaking suspicion that she already knew who it had been.


	7. Act II Scenes i and ii

**A/N****: This first scene was really short and led directly into the next scene, so I put them together.**

**In the first scene, once again, Mercutio's fanciful rambling didn't fit Daisy, so I changed it around a little.**

**Originally, the second scene was set close to morning, but the party hardly lasted that long, so I just made it a late night rendezvous. I also transferred the kissing stuff from "Act ****I.**** Scene**** v**_**.**_**"**** to this scene, and cut back on the romantic speech-making, since it makes more sense for this version's plot.**

Act II. Scene i.

They had scarcely gotten outside when Peach bolted – her business at Bowser's place wasn't over yet. She had been lagging behind Yoshi and Daisy, and with their costumes obscuring their peripheral vision and the air filled with the sounds of their fellow party-goers talking, laughing and clopping along the cobblestones, it was a couple moments before they realized their troubled friend was gone.

"Hey!" yelped Yoshi in surprise. The two turned and looked behind them, managing to pick out the retreating red cloak amongst the party goers.

"There she is! Come on!" said Daisy. The two dashed after Peach, backtracking towards Bowser's house, weaving through the dispersing crowd. Their quarry turned down the street running along the side of the mansion, but before Daisy and Yoshi were able to turn the corner themselves, Peach had grabbed the wall and vaulted into Bowser's backyard with the help of some of her lighter-than-air magic.

"She vanished!" gasped Yoahi. "PEA-"

Daisy slapped her hand over his mouth, cutting him off mid-call. "Oh yeah. Let's scream her name at the top of her lungs and _confirm_ she crashed the party." She cast a furtive glance behind them, but no other guests were walking home this way – they were all taking the street leading straight away from Bowser's front doors.

"Then _you_ figure out a way to call her – she must've jumped the wall," said Yoshi, eying the wall that ringed Bowser's properly.

"She probably just went home – or went for one of her nighttime walks."

"A walk in Bowser's garden is hardly the same as a walk in the woods."

"She's probably just trying to shake us," shrugged Daisy.

"I don't like it," frowned Yoshi.

Daisy rolled her eyes, lifting her mask and cupping her hands around her mouth. "Hey girlfriend! Where'd you run of to, huh? Do you want some _alooone_ time? I know the dancing got a little crazy in there but I didn't think it was _that_ hot."

"I thought we want her to come back to us – you're just gonna make her angry by making comments like _that_. As if she'd ever-"

"Oh man, you do not know our little Peachie pie at all, do you?" smirked Daisy. "Come on, _grrrl_. We could go visit the _boys_. I know Mario's misses seeing you all the time. We could show him all the dance moves we learned tonight – just don't tell him they're Koopan and we'll be fine."

"Yeah, because bringing Mario up is _way_ less suspicious than calling for Peach directly," snorted Yoshi. "Look, you're probably right – she wants to be alone, and the sooner we get out of here, the sooner she'll stop hiding out in Bowser's backyard and go somewhere safer."

Daisy shrugged. "Hey, that's what I've been saying we should do _all along_." She turned to go back to the main road, calling over the wall one last time as she went. "See ya, Peach! No clue why you'd rather wander around by yourself when the night's still young, but oh well – call me tomorrow and we can see if anyone else is having a party. I'll get you cheered up if it's the last thing I do!"

"Shhh," hissed Yoshi as they neared the main street. "And pull your mask back down! Do you _want_ to be caught?"

Daisy did as he asked, but laughed at his concern. "At least _that_ would be more interesting than going home."

Yoshi shook his head: Daisy was certainly a wild-child.

Act II. Scene ii.

Peach waited silently as her friends called. She scowled at Daisy's words – it was easy to joke around and party when you didn't have anything more important to worry about. Not like Peach. Once she was sure no Koopas were coming out to investigate all the noise Yoshi and Daisy had been making, she lowered her hood and pulled off her mask, storing it in her hammerspace as she started making her way through the trees towards Bowser's house. She was a bit surprised he chose an orchard for his landscaping – but maybe it was just too difficult to get rivers of lava set up in Toad Town. She made it to the edge of the greenery, hiding in the shadows of a tree and looking up at the many windows, wondering how she was going to get in and find Lemmy without anyone else seeing her.

And then, as if answering her long-forsaken prayers, Lemmy himself appeared in the second-floor window on the far right. Peach smiled – the brickwork in that part was elaborate, with many footholds and to top it off, strong ivy vines climbed the wall even higher than she would have to: she would not have to struggle for handholds either. Looking back at Lemmy, she could barely make out his face. He looked sad, staring up at the moon, his big eyes shining in the starlight. He really _was_ a cute kid.

Lemmy sighed. "Why me? Oh Peach, why'd it have to be you? Why were you so nice to me? Why are you so pretty and perfect?" He rubbed his hands over his eyes and moaned in despair. "O Peach, Peach – wherefore art though Peach? Why couldn't you be someone else? A rose, by any other word would smell as sweet, so why not a peach too? By any other name, she would be just as sweet!"

Peach smiled. She had the boy in such a tizzy, he was quoting Shakespeareguy Poetry over her. At least he had good taste in literature – she wouldn't have expected it from _Bowser's_ kid.

"Oh Peach, why did you have to be a Mushroomian? Why couldn't you leave them behind when the world fell to Fawful – you could be a neutral party and we could be together. Or maybe I should turn my back on the Koopas – I wouldn't be the first. Oh, but I could never do that – I love my family too much!"

"As you should!" called Peach.

Lemmy jumped, his eyes wide with fear. "What? Who's that? I- I didn't mean what I was saying: I was practicing for a- a poetry slam!"

"Relax, cutie, it's only me," chuckled Peach, sliding out from under the tree.

Lemmy sighed with relief. "Of course - I should have known it was you. How could I forget your voice? I haven't seen you in months, and haven't even heard you say a hundred words tonight, but still, I could never forget – it was just nerves talking."

"That's okay – I understand," said Peach, smiling at his panicky babbling.

"Well yeah, you're trespassing in my father's backyard – of course _you_ should be nervous! What are you even doing here? If they catch you, they'll kill you!"

"No they won't," said Peach, walking towards Lemmy.

"Junior, Iggy and Wendy might – _especially_ Junior: he's in an _awful_ mood tonight."

"I'm not afraid," said Peach, reaching the base of the house and seizing the nearest vines.

"What are you _doing_?" squealed Lemmy in terror as Peach began to climb.

"I can't help it – I needed to see you again," she explained.

"You can see me from down there under the trees," said Lemmy beseechingly.

"But then _you_ couldn't see _me_, and I wanted to be close to you," said Peach as she neared Lemmy's window.

"But why?"

"So I could do this," said Peach, heaving herself up to the open window and planting her lips squarely on the startled Koopaling. She had kissed people before – she couldn't count the number of times she had planted one on Mario's cheek, nose, or even mouth from time to time. But it was never romantic – she figured it would happen between her and Mario one day, but her kisses remained chaste. For Mario and for everyone else. But not this time, and while she herself felt nothing as Lemmy clumsily copied the shape of her mouth with his, she knew the sentiment wasn't mutual. And she was counting on it.

She pulled back before Lemmy could fully wrap his head around what he was doing – she wanted to leave him wanting more. She looked him in the eye and smiled at his mounting confusion. "Wh- what? …Why did you?"

"Isn't it obvious?" said Peach, reaching up and placing a gloved hand on Lemmy's cheek.

The Koopaling leaned into her touch for a moment, but then pulled back, shaking his head. "No, this is going too fast. I mean, how could this happen? How could you ever-"

"It's like I said before, Lemmy," Peach reached forward and took his hand in hers. "The world needs more love. Mario was always so heroic, but sometimes I felt like he couldn't really feel the sort of love for me that lovers feel. And so many assumed I loved everything, with no desire for any singular love – I _did_ love the world, but I wanted to love _someone_ too. But there was no one. And with all the bad things happening lately, I had almost given up. But then I saw you at the party, and you looked so sad, dressed as a ghost and mourning the losses around you, dancing but without any joy in your steps. It was then that I realized… it was because we are the same."

"We are?"

"Yes – I know you're not like your father or your siblings. You were always the fun-loving one, the happy one. And when I saw how sad you were, how lonely, I realized - you're not a happy-go-lucky child anymore: you're a lover with no one to love. A pure soul, dragged down by the hate and despair around you, yet still full of hope that only needs to be ignited. I know because I am the same, and my hope _has_ been brought back to life – by you, and the love we could share."

Peach was glad she was a natural speech-writer as Lemmy's eyes dilated at her words, falling for them – and for her – hook, line and sinker. It was almost unfair, she thought, to take advantage of a boy half her age, barely more than a child, but all was fair in love and war. And right now, they were the same thing, and Lemmy's heart was the only weapon that would win her the battles ahead.

"You- you're right. I mean, I liked causing chaos and all that, but I never wanted to hurt anyone, and lately my family's been so unhappy. I wish it wasn't so bad – that there was something I could do…"

"But there is! Don't you see – together, we can bring the Koopas and the Mushroomians together. We can end the fighting – we can bring your family back together, and make peace between us all. We can show them, once and for all, that the power of love is stronger than hate!"

Lemmy smiled, but then looked away shyly. "But, I mean, is it _really_ strong enough? We've only just reunited, and you never thought of me like this until now, and I never thought as you as anything except someone who could be my-" He shook the memories of 'Mama Peach' from his head – it was too confusing. He looked back at Peach, her pretty face framed with gold as the moonlight shone against her hair, her eyes beckoning him, her smiling lips wordlessly calling him.

She saw his eyes lingering and her smile widened, but she kept her face sweet, not calculating, as she leaned forward and kissed the Koopaling again, this time parting her lips and letting the embrace grow deeper. She released her hold on the windowsill and instead moved her hand to the back of Lemmy's head, her fingers sliding between the short hairs at the nape of his neck and sending shivers down his shelled spine. His eyes were closed as he lost himself in the ex-princess, but hers were still open a slit, watching for any sign of movement behind him. She was still holding one of his hands, and watched as the other tentatively started to reach up, as if unsure if he was allowed to bury his own fingers in her golden locks.

She was growing tired of the repetitive motion of her mouth on Lemmy's, but she knew he needed to feel confident about their relationship or as soon as the immediate temptation was gone he could slip from her grasp, and so she patiently waited until the reptilian scales parted her hair and made contact with the skin of her cheek. She gave a small, dishonest moan of approval as she felt a claw curiously brush her ear, glad to feel Lemmy's lips twitch at the sensation – and presumably, the heady belief that he caused it.

She could tell that the Koopaling was enjoying himself, but she couldn't stay hanging out of his window all night and started thinking of a way to bring the meeting to a smooth conclusion. She was sure Lemmy was all hers now – Birdo never even stood a chance, really. But she didn't want to risk anything: the boy was too timid to take any steps on his own, but each time she upped the passion of their kiss, he eagerly responded, and she knew she could lead him all the way to the altar, and soon. She just had to play her cards right.

"Lemmy!" Kammy's voice grated through the night air, and grateful for an excuse, Peach broke off the kiss.

"Our love _is_ strong enough," she whispered, and started to pull away.

"Wait," gasped Lemmy, before turning and calling back into the house. "In a minute!" He looked back at Peach. "I believe you. And- and don't think that just because we're moving so fast, that the love I feel for you isn't shallow or real. I wouldn't fall for just anyone like this." His mind wandered back to his disastrous meeting with Birdo at the party, and he struggled to suppress a shudder. No, he certainly wouldn't fall in love with _anyone_.

"And _I_ believe _you_," smiled Peach, patting the Koopaling on the cheek.

"Lemmy!" Kammy called again.

"Coming!" responded the Koopaling over his shoulder. "When can I see you again?"

"Tomorrow, I hope."

Lemmy nodded. "Then until then, goodbye my love! A thousand times goodnight!"

Peach smiled as he disappeared inside his room – that went better than she had expected, but she had barely begin to descend when Lemmy appeared again.

"But tomorrow is so far away," he sighed wistfully. "We've had so little time together, how could we stay apart so long after today?"

"Lemmy!" Kammy was growing more impatient.

"Just give me a second!" Lemmy turned back to Peach, his eyes wide as a new thought crossed his mind. "And what if my father finds out! He would kill me! My siblings would kill _you_! They'll pull us apart – we can't let them do that!"

"And we won't," said Peach. "We have to bring them together – we have to be united, so that nothing could force us apart ever again."

This time, Lemmy finally took the initiative himself and leaned out of his window, giving Peach a quick kiss. "Then that's what we'll do. We'll get married! …That _is_ what you're suggesting, right?"

Peach beamed at him. "Of course! You… don't think it's too soon, do you?"

"No, it's not soon enough!" responded Lemmy, ignoring the small voice in his head that begged him to think rationally. But the rest of his head was swimming in endorphins, and all reason was drowned in the mad love he felt for the ex-Mushroom Princess.

"LEMMY!" Kammy was pounding on the door now.

"Just a sec!" Lemmy lowered his voice. "Listen, I'm going to be stuck here all morning, but I'll send someone we can trust, and you can tell them the plan. Just tell me where and when, and I will be there – I wouldn't miss our marriage for the world. I won't keep our love waiting one second! Now go, before someone catches you!"

Peach smiled to herself as she began to climb down. She was _good_. She knew the marriage would come as a shock to her and Lemmy's friends and families, but she could worry about that later. The important part was that the boy was wrapped around her finger.

She reached the ground and dashed to the trees, looking up just as Lemmy appeared once more and called to her, his voice ringing through the cool evening. "Goognight, goodnight! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I'll say goodnight, till it be morrow."

Peach blew a kiss to her poetic young suitor and disappeared beneath the trees lest he caught a glimpse of her twisted smile and gleaming eyes. The child was all hers, and now, nothing stood in her way. Soon there would be peace, and then there would be war, and then, finally, Fawful would be no more.


	8. Act II Scene iii

**A/N****: Seeing as Larry is related to Lemmy, whereas the Friar had no such affiliations, this scene's conversation was also changed around a fair bit. **

Act II. Scene iii.

The sun was still low in the sky when Larry got out of bed. He needed to get some supplies, and the best wares were at the black market, whose vendors vamoosed once the rest of the city started to get busy. Fawful's peacekeepers left them alone for the most part, but that was because they were smart enough to stay in the background without being told. While technically he was only registered as the funeral director, Larry had many other lines of work. He provided under-the-table medical care, mainly dealing in potions and healing items. He carried more nefarious wares as well, however, and like the actual black market, the peacekeepers were happy to look the other way. He could also marry people, however that particular service didn't come up that often anymore – although it had been an asset back during the plagues, when tearful couples tied the knot as one or even both of the partners teetered on death's door.

He was just packing his things when the door flew open and Peach strode in, a devilish grin on her face. Larry raised an eyebrow. "Couldn't sleep again? Or are you just up early – you look a lot more cheerful than you usually would at this hour."

"I couldn't sleep – I have exciting news!"

"Donkey Kong didn't agree to help you out, did he?" Larry was surprised – Peach had visited the day before, looking for spare Shy Guy masks for her and Daisy's costumes, and not even she was very confident in the plan at that time.

"No, no – as we expected, he's too scared to cross Fawful, but I came up with an even _better_ plan."

Larry grinned, his eyes glinting. "Oooh, really? Tell me."

"I'm going to marry your brother," said Peach.

Larry blinked. "Uhh, which one?"

"Lemmy."

Larry raised both eyebrows this time. "Lemmy? But what reason could you possibly have for wanting to marry _him_?"

"The reason why Fawful defeated out nations was because we were always fighting, and what better way is there than marriage to forge an alliance?"

"An alliance between _who_? There is no Koopa Kingdom, there is no Mushroom Kingdom – you're not a princess, Lemmy's not a prince. I don't envision Mario taking the news well, and all you're gonna do it give my father an aneurysm by revealing that you'd rather marry his goofball son than him – his goofball son who's what, _twenty years_ younger than you?"

"He's a legal adult, that's all that matters," huffed Peach. "And I'll worry about the details later – but we _have_ to get married today."

"Why? Before the love potion wears off?"

"I used no such thing."

"Yeah, I suppose you wouldn't need too – not with those looks, and especially not with that silver tongue you've been honing."

"I learned from the best," said Peach.

Larry rolled his eyes – but he didn't deny the compliment. "But why Lemmy?"

"He's easy to manipulate," shrugged Peach. "No offence."

"None taken – he _is_ pretty gullible."

"So, will you marry us? I'm thinking sometime in the early afternoon."

"Aren't you rushing into things? You haven't even thought the rest of your plan through. Good plans are only good if they're complete."

"If I don't marry him right away, he might get married off to Birdo," explained Peach. "And then I'm out of options."

"You'd think of something else."

"But the plan I have right _now_ is good."

"The _half a plan_ you have is good, yes, but it's what happens _after_ the wedding that worries me."

Peach sighed. "I already agreed to marry Lemmy – you don't want me to let him down, do you? Your poor brother?"

Larry snorted. Peach knew very well that he had forsaken any fraternal love for his siblings long ago: if she thought he still cared about what would happen to Lemmy as a result of her plan, she would have found someone else to marry them. Larry always had a cool head, and after he finally figured out that a cold heart made him even better at manipulating people, he never went back. His only regret about breaking from his family was that he was on the outside looking in, rather than sitting pretty at the center of the clan, twisting things around him to suit his needs. The funeral business ensured he had a stable place in the community and dealing in contraband power-ups meant he was well-connected with the shadier stuff too, but he knew it would be better if he didn't have to worry about Fawful. Peach just wanted peace, but Larry wanted his freedom and power back – and she knew this, but she had chosen to put their differences aside, at least, until Fawful was gone and she could afford to heed to her old morals. Perhaps, Larry often wondered, she was going to come up with that part of her schemes later.

"Oh no," responded Larry after a moment. "I wouldn't want my idiot brother heartbroken before the plan called for it. Or did you not think that far ahead either?"

A slight shadow crossed Peach's face: unlike Larry, she still had _some_ decency left, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and she forced any caring thoughts for the young Koopaling away. "No," she admitted. "But I don't intend on letting him down until after Fawful's gone: then he'll see it was necessary."

"He's not _that_ bright," said Larry dryly. "Fortunately for you. Fine, I'll marry you. But right now, I have stuff to do, so get outta here."

"Fair enough," said Peach. "I have stuff to do too. I'll see you at, say, noonish!"

As she ran off, Larry shook his head. He had taught Peach well – a little too well. Overconfidence was a killer: that's why his father always lost his schemes. But he had to admit, of all the plans they had brainstormed so far, this one was the best: all it needed was a few more details to be ironed out, and who knew? Maybe it could actually work.


	9. Act II Scene iv

**A/N****: Again, the fact that everyone from the two households has past history necessitates some rewriting, and I added some of the Nurse/Kammy's bawdiness in place of other small talk (and to make up for the fact that Daisy's joking around wasn't lewd at all, unlike in the original).**

Act. II. Scene iv.

"Where the Underwhere is Peach?"

"No idea," said Yoshi, just as exasperated as Daisy as they met up in the town square. "I went by her house last night, and she wasn't there. I checked this morning, and still no luck. I couldn't find her out in the woods either."

Daisy growled in frustration. "It's Mario's fault for giving up, you know. She always counted on him and now look! She's letting herself waste away."

"You're one to talk," muttered Yoshi.

"What was that?" hissed Daisy. She didn't appreciate being treated as a conspirator just because Fawful happened to take a shine to her, and her reasons for breaking up with Luigi wasn't anyone else's business.

"There's talk about Junior," said Yoshi, strategically changing the subject. "He's looking for Peach."

"Mad about last night?" when Yoshi nodded, Daisy rolled her eyes. "So much for her telling us to lie low."

"Peach will smooth things out – he used to really like her."

"No anymore, and she's in no state to negotiate with a raging bull like him. She'd probably let him kill her – she's already dead at heart thanks to Mario and Fawful. Maybe she'd even think it'd get them fired up again and motivate them to do something! Poor, foolish Peach! If only we didn't have to share our city with those damn Koopas!" Daisy stomped her feet in frustration. "They may throw great parties, but come daylight, they're _always_ causing trouble! Like Junior – marching around like he owns the place, he's way more self-entitled and hot-headed than Bowser ever was."

As Daisy fumed, Peach wandered into the square, spotting her friends and walking over, a smile on her face.

"Peach!" called Yoshi, relieved to see his friend safe and sound.

"Oh, look at her – she looks like she's been up all night. _Poor_ Peach, wandering around with no hero to save you from yourself," cried Daisy with mock concern. "No one to slay your spirit-crushing demon-Koopas, so much worse than Dragon-Koopas with crushes, amirite?"

"You're in a good mood, Daisy," chuckled Peach.

"And so are you," observed her friend. "Where exactly did you run off to last night?"

"Nowhere special," shrugged Peach.

"Well, wherever it was, it certainly put the spring back in your step. All you need to do is change into a new dress and you'll be the talk of the town again – in a good way, this time."

"Aww, and steal the spotlight from you, Dayz?"

"Psh, like that could ever happen."

Peach feigned indignation. "Excuse me? I used to be the number one princess, if you may recall. You're just lucky I needed a partner in doubles tennis from time to time."

"And you're lucky I was a good enough player to get us into the finals every time – no one would care about a loser princess!" smirked Daisy good-naturedly.

"Better a loser than a second-banana – and did I ever mention that yellow really _does_ suit you."

Daisy looked down at her canary yellow sundress and laughed. "Back to clothes are we? Face it, pink frills are _so_ last dynasty. When I said 'new dress', I meant new. But don't worry, a little shopping spree with ol' Daisy and you'll never look back!" The two women laughed. "But seriously," continued Daisy after they calmed down, "it's good to see you back to your old self. You're Peach again! Not that glum, mopey girl we've been dragging about. See how much better it is to not let yourself get so bent outta shape about everything?"

"Daisy, I wouldn't-" cautioned Yoshi. He had been enjoying watching the girls jest, and he didn't want Daisy to remind Peach of her old glooms.

"I was done anyway, and Peach knows I'm on her side, doncha Peachy?"

But the ex-Mushroom Princess's attention had been drawn away from her friends, and turning to follow her gaze, Yoshi and Daisy saw that Kammy and Morton were walking towards them from one of the side-streets. She was a little surprised that Lemmy chose his blabbermouth brother and Bowser's former right-hand woman as his messengers, but as Morton waved at her enthusiastically, she supposed she'd just have to roll with it.

"Now _that's_ an old bag," snorted Yoshi, recalling how the altercation between the Koopas and the Toads purportedly started the day before.

"And a windbag to go with it," added Daisy.

"Guys, don't be rude," winced Peach.

"Morton, can you give me a minute?" said Kammy.

"Looks like you've had a lot more than _one_ minute," sneered Daisy, ignoring her friend's plea.

"Ever the respectful young lady, I see, Miss Daisy," said Kammy dryly, shoving a shopping list into Morton's hands before he could join her in a rebuttal and pointing at a nearby fruit stand.

As he slunk off, muttering angrily under his breath, Daisy narrowed her eyes suspiciously at the old Magikoopa. "So what brings you out on this fine morning? Surely Bowser's not making his old grandma do the shopping now? Or are we babysitting today?"

Kammy forced a smile onto her wizened old beak. "Actually, I'm here to talk to Peach."

"Why? Is it about Junior?" said Daisy, suddenly defensive.

"No," frowned Kammy.

"It's okay, guys," said Peach hurriedly, stepping around her friends. "This has nothing to do with Bowser senior or junior or anything like that. Um, she's going to show me a new recipe, is all."

"Yes, we agreed to it at the party: _most_ of us didn't mind that you lot crashed it, so I'd be a bit less saucy if I were you," said Kammy, jumping on board Peach's cover story. Admittedly, she had been rather surprised to hear that Lemmy and Peach had fallen in love and were getting married, but she didn't doubt impulsive little Lemmy's feelings, and she didn't want to stand in the way. If he was anything like his father, getting between him and Peach Toadstool would not be a good idea. Kammy wasn't sure what to make of the ex-princess's game, but she supposed letting it play out would turn out better for Lemmy than letting him pine away if she refused to help, or worse, told Bowser or the others about it. After all, it didn't look like it was going to work with Birdo – Lemmy made that pretty clear, although she wondered if he'd be more open-minded if Peach hadn't confused the matter with her own proposal. Any pairing was better than nothing for the little Koopaling, figured Kammy, and if it didn't work, they could get a quickie divorce and be no worse for the wear.

"No sauce for Peach's new cooking tutor? How bland," joked Daisy. She smelled something fishy: why would Kammy Koopa of all people be teaching Peach new cooking recipes? However, she wondered if making peace with a member of the Koopa household could possibly be the reason for Peach's sudden good mood. Bearing that in mind, she decided to lay off the old witch for the time being.

Yoshi cleared his throat to diffuse the awkward silence that fell. "So, are you having your class now, or are we not going to have lunch?"

"No, I'm thinking I'd like my class a bit after noon – how about we have brunch right now instead – we could go to Tayce T.'s," suggested Peach. "Just give me a minute to figure out the exact time I'm going to have my lesson with Kammy. You guys go, I'll catch up."

"Fine," said Daisy, but as she left with Yoshi, she couldn't help but get one last shot off at Kammy's expense. "See ya soon, Peach. Goodbye, _ancient_ lady!" She laughed and called out in a sing-song voice as she walked away, "farewell, lady, lady, lady!"

Kammy snorted as Daisy's voice faded away. "You sure know how to pick your friends. She's worse than the Koopalings. And _you_ – you let her get away with it!"

Morton stared at Kammy in confusion, having only just walked up, his arms laden with bags of fruits and vegetables. "What are you talking about? I was over there. All I heard was the 'lady, lady, lady'-"

"Feh, excuses, excuses. Go get the meat – and don't forget the eggs!"

"Fine, but I'm leaving these here," huffed Morton, setting the bags down. "And if I had heard them making fun of you, rest assured, I would've showed them what's what. No one insults you better than me!"

"GO!" snarled Kammy. Once the Koopaling scurried out of earshot, she turned back to Peach. "See the sort of family you're looking to join? _Honestly._ Although I suppose your current social circle is no better. But about Lemmy, what exactly are you playing at? I swear, if you hurt my poor little Lemmy-"

"I promise, I don't want to hurt him. I just want to bring about peace and happiness."

"So it's a political marriage? He's not going to like the sound of that."

"What? No – don't tell him _that_. Give me a chance to speak."

"Well, I doubt the little runt caught your eye. Or do you reckon his small size makes him compatible? Is that why you always rejected His ex-Girthiness?"

"What!? Ew! _No!_ No, I didn't like Bowser because he's evil and mean and a total boor!"

"I always thought he was more bull-like than pig-like, once you get past the turtleness," said Morton, suddenly popping up.

"What are you doing? Get out of here!" shrieked Kammy.

"But the butcher's closed for lunch," moaned Morton.

"Then try the deli – they cater lunch, they'll have stuff to buy," argued Kammy.

"Look, just tell him to meet me at Larry's at noon, okay?" hissed Peach, her eyes on Morton's retreating back.

"I dunno, you haven't made much of a case for yourself," sneered Kammy.

"What can I say? I'm in love, he's in love, what more do you need?" When Kammy looked unconvinced, Peach sighed. _Time to resort to one of the other tactics Larry taught her._ "I promise, he won't regret this – and you won't either. Here."

Kammy's eyes lit up at the sack of gold coins Peach held out to her. She grinned, "Oh no, I could never accept this, ex-Princess! Bribery is not becoming of a young lady, don't you know." Yet with a wave of her wand, Kammy had vanished the sack from Peach's hands. "But it suits a mature lady just fine. You just be sure to give Lemmy proper treatment – you were always nice enough, and it's nice to see that you've kept your looks about you, at least." She cackled. "You just better walk the walk, or I'll have to give you some pointers – then you'll _really_ see what's cooking in my classroom. Mweh heh heh!" Kammy continued laughing as she waddled away, using her wand to levitate the grocery bags after her.


	10. Act II Scenes v and vi

**A/N****: Here's another pair of little scenes mashed together into one largish chapter.**

**I gave Morton a couple lines in the first scene. Just because.**

**I also added all of Larry's musings, since the back half of the second scene can't exactly be the straight love-in of the original.**

Act. II. Scene v.

Lemmy paced around the room nervously. It had been hours since Kammy left, and he was worried that maybe something had happened. He wished Morton hadn't gone with her on her errands – she could carry the groceries magically if she wanted to anyway. He wished he could have gone out with her instead, but since he had been excused from setting up the Bowser Party, his father made him stay in all morning and help clean up. He got the lightest jobs, of course, unlike Iggy, Wendy and Junior, who were still being punished for the previous day's shenanigans. Junior still managed to sneak out before breakfast, although he got a severe berating when he finally did show up, and Lemmy supposed he would be wise to stay on his father's good side.

Although, it word got out about what he and Peach had planned, he doubted he'd be in his father's good books for a long while. Unless they eased him into it – maybe if she started coming around more just to be with the family: she _did_ say that they'd be together after they were married, didn't she? The memories of the night before was a whirlwind for Lemmy. He could barely think straight: he was beside himself with love and longing and fear and impatience about Kammy taking her sweet time. If he could have trusted anyone else, he would have, but Kamek, Iggy, Wendy and Iggy would just rat him out, none of the other underlings had enough guts to keep a secret from Bowser, and Morton couldn't keep a secret from _anyone_. So here he was, stuck waiting on the ancient, sluggish sack of lead that was Kammy Koopa.

After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, the door creaked open, and Lemmy nearly knocked Kammy over as he flew to her side. "Thank the Stars you're back! What's the news? Did you find her? Why is _he_ still here?"

"Take the groceries to the kitchen, will you, Morton," said Kammy lazily, piling the bags into the scowling Koopaling's arms with a flick of her wand.

"Hey!" he protested, but when Lemmy slammed the door close, nearly catching the hem of Kammy's robes as she tottered across the threshold, he realized it was non-negotiable. "Yeah, nice to see you too, bro!" he called sarcastically at the door, before teetering away with the mound of food, consoled only by the fact that Kammy wouldn't be around to scold him when he declined to wait until dinner to snack on some of the goodies they had brought home.

Ignoring Morton's parting words, Lemmy continued to grill Kammy. "So? What's wrong? Is the news bad? Oh, at least try and give it a positive spin – or is it happy and you're just making sour faces for no reason? Why would you trick me like that?"

"Leave me alone for a minute – I've been walking all day. Boy, do my bones ache. Where's a seat?"

Lemmy (and everyone else in the household) was used to Kammy's complaining, but he was in no mood to wait for her to perk up on her own. "I'd trade you my bones for your news. _Please_, tell me what happened!"

"Such a hurry! Just wait for a moment – I just climbed a lot of stairs. I should have levitated along with the packages. Why'd I even bring them upstairs in the first place? I'm so out of breath."

"If you were out of breath you wouldn't have enough breath to say you were out of breath," argued Lemmy. "Instead of making excuses, just use that breath you most certainly have to tell me the news! Is it good news or bad news? I have to know!"

Kammy rolled her eyes behind her glasses. "You're almost as rude as Peach's friends. You both have poor taste, I tell you. She may be the most beautiful human in the land, her Daisy friend has _some_ lip – I am _so_ glad you didn't fall for _her_, by the way. Have you had lunch yet?"

"No, no, but stop beating around the bush. Did she say anything about our marriage? What of that?"

"I have such a headache – and my feet hurt. Rub them, won't you?" Lemmy nearly cried in frustration, and Kammy couldn't help but laugh. "I kid, I kid. Peach said- where is Kamek?"

"_Where's Kamek?_ I dunno, with Dad? Where else would he be? Stay on topic – 'Peach said "where is Kamek?"'? Really? I mean, _really?_"

"Stars, you're impatient today. I'm starting to see the side of you that agreed to marry that girl after one date – less than a date. All this fussing: is this the thanks I get for doing you a favour?"

"You're the one making a fuss! Just tell me what she said! I'm begging you!" Lemmy fell to his knees in desperation.

It was then that Kammy realized with a start that he hadn't been using his ball the entire time. And thinking back, he wasn't on it when he sent her off. He hadn't ridden around on his fanciful ball since the dinner party. How long had Bowser bemoaned that his second-eldest child still rolled about like a little kid instead of 'walking like a man', or however else he put it. Perhaps Peach's proposal had been the kick Lemmy needed to finally accept he was an adult. Kammy sighed – if he was finally going to try and be grown up, she supposed she shouldn't be teasing him like a child.

"Are you done your chores for today?"

"Yes."

"Then hie you hence to Larry's. Peach is going to be waiting for you at noon, and I presume your brother will be the one tying the knot for you."

Lemmy's cheeks flushed. He hadn't quite expected the hour of his marriage to be so soon upon him. "But it's noon _now_."

"Then you better hurry," grinned Kammy. "It seems appropriate seeing as you're already rushing into this marriage."

But Lemmy could scarcely hear Kammy anymore, his mind once more whirling. Why did she take so long to get back? She hadn't given him any time to prepare himself. He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready at all! How could he have agreed to marry Peach so soon? Or, had it been _his_ idea? What was he doing? Was he crazy? No, he was in love. He loved her and she loved him and he was keeping her waiting!

"Bye Kammy! Wish me luck!" he said as he snapped out of his shock and sprinted from the room. He dashed through the halls, leapt down the stairs, and in a flash, was through the front door. His feet slapped against the cobblestones as he ran – it was a new sensation, after spending his whole life atop his ball. But he was leaving that life behind and flying to his new one, and not once did he look back.

Act II. Scene vi.

"May the Stars shine down on this happy day," said Larry dryly. Glancing at the clock. Lemmy was late. "Let not this slow start bode badly for the hasty marriage."

"Nothing could be so bad that it can't be made better by one look at my love," responded Peach, grinning wickedly. Larry brought out the worst in her.

"Violent delights have violent ends," warned the Koopaling, no longer joking around. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Positive, said Peach, putting on the warmest smile she could manage as Lemmy burst through the door, his chest heaving.

"There he is," remarked Larry. Struggling to hide a look of disapproval as the other Koopaling practically bounded across the room and found himself swept up in Peach's embrace. Without his ball, Lemmy was a head shorter than Peach, but after years of kissing Mario on the cheek, Peach was used to compensating for a height difference. Of course, her lips weren't on Lemmy's cheeks now, and Larry cleared his throat. "Let's wait until that part of the ceremony comes up, shall we?"

Peach shot him a death glare – she wanted Lemmy to be _drowning_ in her love right up until it was too late for him to come to his sense and back out. But Larry knew his brother better than Peach – he could tell Lemmy wouldn't back out at this point even if Peach cracked him across the skull with her frying pan.

Wanting to be sure, Peach looked down at her prey, still wrapped in her arms. "Oh Lemmy, I'm so glad you came. I'd say I was worried when the clock struck twelve and you weren't here yet, but I knew you would be along any second."

"Of course! I love you so much, Peach, I won't ever keep you waiting ever again, I promise!"

"No need, Lemmy – there is only one promise you need to make to me today, and you shall make me the happiest girl in the world. Nothing will stop our love – not even the fighting between our other loved ones. We might have to wait some time, and ease them into it slowly, but out love will bring them all together!"

As Lemmy became overwhelmed with emotion and latched his face to Peach's once more, Larry noted with approval that it seemed like she was starting to think of her next moves. He was glad she wasn't going to be stupid enough to let everyone know right away – evidently, he _had_ trained her well. The naïve Peach of the pre-Fawful era would not have suspected that any mischief could have come from love. Not that there was any real love here, of course. None of this would have happened had the old Peach still been alive: before her heart turned cold, she wouldn't have tricked the young son of her arch-enemy into marrying her. Larry was so proud of how far she had come.

"Okay, you guys, enough – come on, let's make short work of it. I have another appointment in half an hour, and unlike _some_ people, I'd rather not keep my clients waiting…"


	11. Act III Scene i

**A/N****: Shakespeare periodically has his characters leave and die offscreen. I took a different direction in this scene. I also transferred some of Kamek's lines to Bowser, and a couple other little changes (as always).**

Act III Scene i.

"Come on Daisy, let's go back to my place. I hear Junior's prowling around again, and this heat is bound to make him even more cranky than usual – not to mention yourself," said Yoshi, eyeing his friend worriedly.

Daisy snorted. "Psh, I'm the ex-Princess of Sarasaland: do you know how much time I spent in Birabuto? This is nothing, and I'm sure Junior's used to the heat too after living in 'volcano land' for so long. Besides, who are _you_ to talk? You're like one of those guys who walks into a seedy bar and pulls out an Invincibility Star and says 'ohh, I hope I don't have to use this!', and then three seconds later you're lit up like a Christmas Tree and pounding the guy next to you to a pulp!"

"I would do no such thing – Yoshis don't even _use_ Stars."

"Yeah, yeah, that's what they _all_ say," said Daisy. "You used to be _quite_ the fighter! Don't tell me you've gone soft! Argh, Fawful's rule wouldn't be so bad if it didn't turn you lot into a bunch of sucks! _Come on!_"

"I haven't gone soft," said Yoshi defensively. "I took on Junior yesterday, remember?"

"And yet you see fit to lecture me about how _I_ should avoid quarreling? Pah."

Yoshi sighed, but his eyes widened as he caught sight of Bowser Jr. stomping towards him and Daisy, flanked by a gaggle of his father's underlings.

"Great, here come the Koopas," muttered Yoshi.

"Psh, who cares?" said Daisy, feigning aloofness.

"Wait here," growled Junior to his followers before marching up to the twosome. "I'd like to have a word with you guys."

"Only one word? How about a word and a duel!" snarled Daisy, shaking off Yoshi's restraining arm and ignoring the pleading look on his face. It had been a while since she was able to blow off some steam – breaking into the Koopa party was close, but now it just made her want to take the next step.

Junior sneered at the hot-tempered girl. If she wasn't an enemy of his family, she'd be his type, especially since she dropped that dead-weight Luigi, but he wasn't interested in fighting Daisy. "You run with Peach-"

"Well, we're not on the track team, if that's what you mean," said Daisy, imperiously cutting the Koopaling off mid-sentence.

"Daisy, calm down," hissed Yoshi, grabbing her arm again, this time making sure his grip was tight. "Save it for for somewhere private or just _chill out_ before you get us all in trouble – you're making people stare."

"Eyes were meant to stare," retorted Daisy, her own sights locked on Junior's smirking face. He was asking for it now. But suddenly he looked away, and his eyes gleamed even brighter.

"Well well, there's the girl I'm looking for."

"'Girl'? That's 'lady' to you, kid!" spat Daisy. "You're not even an adult yet – you better show her some respect!"

Junior ignored her, instead calling to Peach. "You crashed my father's party! I saw you! You say you're so nice and perfect, but you're as big a rat as your friend here!"

"Junior, please, believe me when I tell you I meant no disrespect," said Peach, rushing forward to try and cool the scene before her. The fact that Junior's bandana was lowered from his snout, exposing his teeth and clearing the way for some fireballs was cause for concern, and combined with Daisy's purple face and Yoshi's palpable anxiety, she knew for sure that something was up. She had known that simply marrying Lemmy wouldn't be enough to make peace between the two factions: she would have to work at making nice with his siblings, servants and his father too, and the last thing she needed were her friends stirring up trouble with Junior. She had been a little worried about making Lemmy go home without her so soon after their wedding, but now she was glad she had finagled the time alone – she was planning to use it to plan her next moves, but taking a proactive step would be even better.

Unfortunately, Junior wasn't as easy to sweet-talk as his older brother. "You call that an excuse? I don't care _why_ you were there: the fact that you trespassed is enough. Come on, you and me, right here, right now. I'll run you through! Maybe _that_'ll get Papa's blood burning again."

Peach smiled to herself – if Bowser was getting sick of the fighting all on his own, it'd make her job a lot easier. She just had to get his son on board too. "Junior, all this fighting between your family and my friends is silly. Maybe your father's onto something: we should spend more time having fun and less time getting ourselves into trouble over ancient feuds. We're all oppressed by Fawful now, why should we make things _worse_ for ourselves?"

"Because getting in trouble and picking fights _is_ fun!" interjected Daisy, using a blast of her flower powers to break free of Yoshi. She made a run at Junior, knowing full well that he wasn't going to listen to Peach, and unwilling to wait for him to make the first move and take her foolish friend out. She couldn't bear watching Luigi slip away, and she wasn't going to stand by and let her best friend join him on death's doorstep. "If you won't fight him, Peachy, I will!" she screeched as she swung her arms and sent a wave of crystals rolling towards the Koopaling. As Peach had noted, he was ready to ruble and countered with a barrage of flames, before rushing to meet Daisy head-on.

"STOP! Cried Peach. "Yoshi! We have to stop them!" She and the green dinosaur ran to try and head off the fighters, but Daisy was fast and had already engaged Junior in a flurry of fists, claws, fire and flowers. Peach dived into the fray, seizing Daisy by the shoulders and pulling her back, but before either ex-princess could react, Junior seized the moment and wracked his claws across the Sarasalander's torso.

Daisy screamed in pain and fell backwards, landing on top of Peach, who struggled to get herself free. Fortunately Yoshi was at their side, with half a mind to eat the Koopaling that had hurt his friend, but realizing the severity of the situation, the Hammer Bros. had also rushed forward, and one was wrapped around each of Junior's arms, dragging him away even as he struggled to get back and finish his fight.

"Stop it, yo!"

"You're gonna get in so much trouble for this, yo!"

Ignoring the Koopas, Yoshi turned to the girls. Peach was now kneeling beside Daisy, her dress stained by the increasingly large puddle of blood. "Someone get a doctor!" cried Yoshi, and Toadette, who happened to be wandering by when the fight broke out, sprinted from the scene. He looked back down at Daisy in horror. She was slashed open diagonally, with three gashes running diagonally down from her right shoulder to her left hip. And there was a green tinge to the ragged flesh, visible even amongst the sea of scarlet. Junior's claws had been poisonous.

Daisy was moaning in pain, but when Peach tried to comfort her, she opened her eyes and glared at her friend, the pain fueling her rage. "You idiot! Look what you've done! Look what you let him do to me!"

"I thought it would be for the best-" said Peach weakly.

"How could getting me killed be for the best?!"

"Don't say that, you're not-"

"Yoshi!" begged Daisy, droplets of blood flying from her lips as she struggled to speak, her eyes wide with fear. "Yoshi, please, it hurts! Help me!"

"I'll get you to the hospital," said Yoshi, pushing Peach out of the way and trying to lift Daisy onto his back, but the girl screamed in renewed agony. Panicking, Yoshi hurried to lay her back down, but it didn't matter what he did as Daisy writhed in pain, her skin turning pale and greenish as her blood drained out and the poison sank in. It was almost a relief when she suddenly went limp, her screams replaced by dying gurgles and then silence, her glazed eyes finally devoid of pain.

Peach stared in shock at her friend, scarcely believing what had happened. Yoshi was frozen too, and even the onlookers, Koopa or otherwise, were motionless. Never had an altercation between the Koopas and Mushroomians turned out so bloody, not even when Bowser's invasions were at their height. Only Junior was unfazed and wrenched free of the Hammer Bros.

Seeing his approach from the corner of her eye, Peach turned. He wasn't remorseful – if anything, he still looked angry. Angry at her. And because of her, Daisy was dead. Because of _Junior_, Daisy was dead. And he didn't care. Overcome with rage, Peach screamed, jumping to her feet and flying at Junior. The Koopaling didn't stand a chance as the ex-princess magically hurdled towards him, her feet above the ground, her body coated in blood, and a dagger clutched in her hand. With an anguished cry she plunged the knife into the startled Koopa's neck above his loosened scarf, slashing him open with one yank of her arm and coating herself in another wave of blood as Junior sputtered his last.

Peach barely stepped out of the way before Junior fell forward, and he landed at her feet with a dull thud. She stared down at him, and then looked at the dagger in confusion, as if she couldn't remember pulling it out of her hammerspace. She had bought it when Fawful took over for self defense, but she had never planned to use it. Especially not for _offensive_ purposes. But he had killed Daisy – so it wasn't offensive, but retaliatory. And he wanted to kill her, so in a way, it _was_ self-defense. But no one would believe that. _She_ didn't even believe that, and the witnesses knew better too. She was a murderer. She had killed Bowser Jr. She had killed someone. She had killed Lemmy's brother.

A new dread filled Peach. What had she done? How could she expect to forge an alliance with Bowser when she killed his beloved son? How could she expect to organize a revolt? How could she use the Koopas to free the Mushroom Kingdom now? She wasn't going to kill Fawful – he was going to kill _her_. Or Bowser would. Or Iggy and Wendy. Or maybe they'd all do it. They'd tear her apart and Lemmy would watch. Or maybe he would help too. But he loved her. Not that it mattered anymore – her plan was ruined. And Bowser Junior was dead. And Daisy was dead. And Peach was dead.

"PEACH!" screamed Yoshi, slapping the ex-princess out of her daze. As soon as he realized what she had done he ran to her side, but she was almost catatonic, standing over Junior's corpse. He was surprised that the Koopas were hanging back – he would have expected them to mob the murderer of their ex-prince with as much zeal as Peach had had when she executed her friend's killer. But for some reason, they hung back, watching in stupefaction as he called her name and shook her shoulders, as if it was some sick play.

"Huh?" she finally grunted.

"Peach! You have to get out of here! Fawful's forces are on their way!"

"I am fortune's fool," she whispered.

"What are you waiting for? They'll kill you! GO!" Yoshi practically threw Peach towards the nearest side-street. Fortunately, hitting the pavement seemed to bring the ex-princess to her senses, and suddenly she was wide-awake. She looked around at the bodies and the crowd and down at her own bloody dress, too horrified to scream as she scrambled back to her feet in a panic. The Toads between Peach and the road quickly jumped out of the way, their eyes on the dagger in their former princess's hands as she ran by and disappeared. No one could believe that Peach Toadstool had just killed someone: it was simply unimaginable.

Mere moments after Peach ran away, Wario and Waluigi came bursting onto the scene, the news of the fight having spread like wildfire as Toadette ran screaming through the streets. Catching a glimpse of Daisy, Waluigi nearly exploded with rage. "DAISY! He killed her! Where is that bastard!? Bowser Jr.! You murderer! Where is he?!"

"He's right here," said Yoshi, still standing next to Junior.

"You're under arrest! I'll kill you with my bare hands, I will!" screamed Waluigi, advancing on the dead Koopaling.

"Bit late for that," said Wario, a sour look on his face. He had been hoping they'd get there in time – before the fighting was over.

"Whating is this?" Fawful zoomed over the square, peering down at the two bloody corpses. "FURY! There is blood everywhere, like tomatoes on the day of Spanish tomato fighting! Who had the beginning of this fight! They will be deathly soon."

"I can explain!" said Yoshi. "Junior killed Daisy, and then Peach killed Junior-"

"WHAT!?" Everyone turned and watched as Bowser appeared on the scene with Kamek and Kammy. He had heard that Junior had killed someone, but he didn't expect to find _him_ dead too. Catching sight of his youngest, lying on his belly, his head turned towards him, eyes wide and blank and surrounded by fresh blood, Bowser nearly fell to his knees and cried out. He had seen a lot of horrors and done terrible things himself, but nothing like this. Even when he was sending them to battle Mario, he always told himself that surely the Star Spirits wouldn't be so cruel as to make a father outlive his children. Yet there lay Junior, his own Bowser Jr., and not because of Mario, but because of _Peach_. "How could this happen?" he gasped, unable to take his eyes off his son as his sorrow became mixed with rage. "How could she do this!? She's gonna pay for this!"

"No! A-leave her alone!" Mario and Luigi had shown up too, although with one look at Daisy, the man in green nearly fainted. Mario held him up, glaring across the clearing at Bowser. "Peach is-a good and Junior was-a evil. He-a deserved it!"

"Quieting! _I_ will have the decision about who will have the payment for the Junior of Bowser," said Fawful, before turning back to Yoshi. "Be telling me: who turned on the frying pan and burned the pancakes of peace with this fight?"

"It was Junior," said Yoshi. "He wanted to fight Peach, but she only wanted to make peace, but he wouldn't listen, and then he and Daisy started fighting. Peach tried to stop them, but when she grabbed at Daisy, Junior slashed her open. When she died and Junior started advancing on Peach, she snapped and killed him, but horrified at what she did, she ran away."

Kamek narrowed his eyes – Yoshi was omitting something from his story, he could feel it. "Why should we believe him? He's a Mushroomian – he's biased. He says Junior started the fight, but then he only said he wanted to fight Junior. Who threw the first punch? Talk to the Koopas who were watching and I'm sure they'd say it was that Daisy! Just as Peach attacked Junior!" Around him, Koopas were nodding, making Kamek smirk. "If he had the first move, they would both be dead, and Yoshi too, and he'd still be alive-"

"Until the execution for the fight-starting is being conducted," reminded Fawful.

"Yes, but he knew better than to start the fight and bring that upon him – Peach is the one who attacked and killed him in cold blood: now she can be the one who's executed!"

"No!" gasped Yoshi and Mario.

"Please, Peach didn't start the fight – she tried to prevent it, she tried to stop it, and then she finished it, but she didn't start it!" beseeched Yoshi, looking up at Fawful.

"She killed a murderer," argued Mario. "She killed the one who-a killed your friend Daisy."

"And for that she is being exiled! From all four kingdoms that are now the Domain of Fawful, she has the banishment! Your fink-rat fighting has taken the Daisy of cooperation from my conquest garden. Now I am without flowers – only weeds of bad smelliness, like a toilet without a plunger. And you plumbers will have the punishment too, for letting this badness clog the streets of cooperation. And you Koopas will have the punishment also: obedience should be flowing, not blood. Have the telling of Peach to leave by the time of sunrise tomorrow. That is being more than enough time, and I shall not have the mind change even if you are crying or begging. Next time, death to all who kill, and then no more death will be happening. From now on, I do not have mercy, I HAVE FURY!"

Fawful flew away without another word, and the others turned to their dead. Bowser himself carried Junior away, heading to his home, while Yoshi bore Daisy straight to Larry's funeral house, and Mario took Luigi home, fearful that this latest shock would prove to be the final straw for his ailing brother. Wario carefully mopped up Junior's blood; he might not have been a full dragon, but Wario figured he could still make some money off a few vials of fresh Dragon-Koopa blood. On the other side of the square, Waluigi cleaned up Daisy's blood: he had always wanted his hands all over her, and now she was all over his hands – not exactly what he had in mind, but he supposed it was better than nothing. Around them, the Toads tried to return to their lives, running their errands, operating their stores, pretending like they hadn't seen the fatal fight, acting like the blood wasn't there, and most of all, wishing they had stayed home that day.


	12. Act III Scene ii

**A/N****: Juliet only soliloquized about looking forward to the wedding night, but I added a bit more substance to Lemmy's musing about his insta-love.**

Act III. Scene ii.

Lemmy stared at the sun, wishing it would slide across the sky faster. Peach had told him to go home and wait for her – they couldn't be seen together yet, and she could only sneak into his room under cover of night. It made him wish they were in Dark Land – then she wouldn't have to wait for the shadows to shield her. And he wouldn't have to wait for her. Every fiber of his being longed for her – the sight of her, the sound of her voice, the smell, the taste, the feel. His heart pounded painfully in his chest and he felt his face grow warm as he thought about what would happen when she did come. He was looking forward to it, but he was scared too. He had never _made_ love before, and while he knew what to expect, from listening to his more worldly siblings and Kammy, he had to admit, they were vague on the technical details.

But it wasn't the "how" that brought the blood to his cheeks, just the "what". The fact that he would soon be giving himself, wholly and completely to the woman he loved. The women he didn't even know he loved twenty four hours previously. The nagging voice in his head hissed it was too fast, that he could still go back now, before the marriage was consummated, but he ignored it. All his life, he had listened to the doubting voices, listened to his family, listened to everyone and everything but not his heart. Sure, he had had a good time, always finding the fun in what he had to do, or in the free time between his father's schemes, but he wondered now if he had ever been truly happy. Since he found his love for Peach, the world seemed different – it seemed better, and brighter.

But now he wished it wasn't so bright. He wanted the sun to set, so that his love for Peach could be cemented, and he could leave his half-lived childhood – which, he now realized, paled in comparison to a life basking in the glow of love, even if it had to be lived in the dark embrace of night.

"_Gallop apace, you fiery-footed Yoshis,  
whip you to the west, and bring in cloudy night immediately.  
Come, night. Come, Peach. Come thou day in night,  
Come, gentle night, come, loving, black-browed night,  
Bring me my Peach._"

Suddenly, Lemmy was jarred out his paraphrasing of William Shakespeareguy by Kammy's appearance in his doorway, looking distraught. "What's wrong?"

"Oh Stars!" She lamented, staggering into the room. "They're dead, dead, dead! It's all coming undone – we're undone! Curse this day! He's dead! She's killed! _She's_ dead!"

Lemmy felt like his heart had stopped. "Can the Stars be so envious?"

"Peach can!" spat Kammy, her voice pained. "Oh Peach! Peach! Whoever would have thought it? Peach!"

"What are you saying? What happened to her? Oh, don't tell me she's dead! If you say 'yes', that one syllable will do more harm to me than a thousand stomps from Mario's feet. I'll fall and die and no Life Shroom could bring back my broken spirit!"

"No Life Shroom or 1-Up could help," babbled Kammy, scarcely hearing Lemmy's own frantic chatter. "I saw the wounds with my own eyes – there was blood everywhere. His throat slit, her heart itself split open! A pitiful corpse! Pale as ashes, and covered in blackening blood!"

Lemmy shook his head, holding his hands to his eyes, images of Peach lying with her pink dress stained crimson flashing in his mind. "Oh, break! My heart, it's breaking! How could this be?" Was this the curse of the Koopas? His father never won the love he had longed for, and now she had been taken from Lemmy as well? His father could cling to the fact that he could kidnap Peach again, but a fate worse than defeat had intervened in Lemmy's happiness, and he fell to his knees. "Vile world! Without my love I cannot live – I'll lie down and die with her!"

"Oh, poor Junior!" wailed Kammy, too lost in her own bereavement to pay Lemmy's grief any mind. "Why Junior? He could have done so much! I never thought I would be forced to live to see him die!"

"H- 'him'?" Lemmy looked up, confusion swirling into his sadness. "What's going on? Who, _exactly_, is dead!?" Blearily, he remembered that Kammy had said both 'he' and 'she' were dead. He leapt to his feet, staring at Kammy in renewed panic. "Are they _both_ dead? My own blood and my true love? Junior _and_ Peach!?"

"No," said Kammy. "Junior is dead – Peach killed him after he was baited into killing her friend Daisy."

"But Peach is still…"

Kammy's next words crushed Lemmy's fleeting flicker of hope: "she's banished."

"B-banished?" Lemmy's face was blank. It felt like his emotions were at war, like a thousand thoughts were screaming in his ears. But one thought screamed the loudest: that Peach had killed his brother, and in doing so, she ripped out his own heart too. "How could this happen?" he gasped, staring at Kammy in horror. "How could she do this! She's _Peach_! I thought she could only love, but murder is an act of pure hate! How could a face so beautiful hide a soul so ugly that it would kill my brother! At least Dad was honest about his evil, but she deceived me! She's worse than Mario! How could she do this?!"

"It's like His Wiseness has always insisted: you can't trust humans. There is no faith, no honesty in men – or women. They're all liars and cheaters. Using Power-Ups because they're weak, getting the Stars to help them against us. But Peach had him fooled too, and she turned out to be the worst of them. She attacked before Junior could react – she pulled a knife out of nowhere. A knife! Shame on her!"

"No!" shouted Lemmy suddenly. "Blistered be the tongue that says such a thing against Peach!"

Kammy blinked in confusion at his sudden about-face. "You'd defend the wretch that killed your brother?"

"That wretch is my wife!" retorted Lemmy. While Kammy was ranting about humans, he had been listening to the voices in his own head, and he had come to his own conclusions. "Poor Peach – how could I say such things against her? When she has done more to make me happy in the past day than Junior has his entire life. I loved Junior and his death breaks my heart, but Peach is not a cold-blooded killer – Junior is… _was_. I'm sure he was trying to kill her when he died – he killed Daisy, didn't you say? And Peach would have been next. My brother is dead, but he wanted to kill my wife. My wife killed my brother, but she is alive: my love is alive!" But as Kammy watched, the flash of defensive fire in Lemmy's eyes faded, replaced with a cold dread once more. "But… she is banished… _Banished_." Tears began to slide out of his eyes, his breath becoming ragged as he finally grasped the full extent of the situation he was in. "Banished! That one word hurts me more than if she had killed _all_ my siblings. Better you have said she killed my father too, rather than be _banished_. She might as well have killed us all! All dead, all dead, and Peach banished! Lemmy is dead because Peach is banished!"

"Wait a minute, calm down!" Kammy hurried forward and seized the increasingly hysterical Koopaling's arms as he clawed at his scalp.

"It's over! It doesn't matter why it happened! I'm dead, Kammy – my heart is dead! My childhood died with Peach's banishment, and if she cannot bring me into adulthood, then I am neither – if Peach cannot take me, death can take me now!"

"You're not dead!" sighed Kammy. She had been cheated out of a roll in the hay or two herself, but Lemmy was taking it far worse. She scowled – Peach had really done a number on the poor boy. In a way, it was impressive how quickly and thoroughly the pretty ex-princess had roped in the Koopaling, and Kammy was torn between admiration, disapproval, and relief that Peach never did return Bowser's affections, lest she had driven him into an emotional kart-crash too. But the cure for a snakebite was created using its own venom, and Kammy realized that the only way Lemmy could be consoled was if Peach did it herself. She knew it would be hard on him to have her and then let her go, but she figured it would be better than if all he got was a tease, leaving him to wonder what it would have been like forever. Just as Bowser had wasted away so many years wondering what it would be like to be loved by Peach.

Besides, after buttering him up so completely, it seemed only appropriate that Peach would finish what she started – she owed it to Lemmy, if nothing else.

Her mind made up, Kammy pulled Lemmy into a reassuring hug. "Don't worry, sweetie. I'll go and find Peach, okay? I know she won't want to leave without saying goodbye, and I'm pretty sure she'll be hiding out at Larry's place. I'll make sure she comes to see you – you'll have your wedding night, I promise."

"Oh, thank you Kammy!" cried Lemmy, clutching the old witch gratefully. "I don't know what I'll do once she's gone, but if I couldn't even say goodbye…" He closed his eyes and buried his snout into Kammy's purple cloak. He didn't want to think about it.


	13. Act III Scene iii

**A/N****: Seeing as Peach doesn't love Lemmy, her reasons for being upset are rather different than Romeo's. Also, the Nurse and the Friar weren't as bastardy in their manipulation of Romeo as Kammy and Larry are with Peach. **

Act III. Scene iii.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were married to calamity, not my brother," smirked Larry as he walked into his house, being sure to close the door behind him. He had just finished up preparing Daisy for burial, and while they would wait until the next day for her funeral, there was still a lot of activity in the funeral house next door. He was a pleasantly surprised he had even been able to get away so soon, although he couldn't stay long. Not that he wanted to – one look at Peach, crumpled on a low stool in the corner, and he knew he wasn't headed for a particularly intelligent conversation.

"What's the news?" she said hoarsely, looking up at him with puffy red eyes. "What's going to happen to me?"

"You _should_ have been banished for killing my brother," remarked Larry, eyeing Peach coldly. He wasn't fond of Junior, but he wasn't fond of people murdering his family, either. "But for some reason, Fawful decided to go easy on you. You've been banished from his realm – by tomorrow morning, if you're still in the Mushroom Kingdom or any of the other conquered lands, then you _will_ be killed."

"Then maybe I'll stay," said Peach, laughing bitterly. "Banishment isn't a merciful punishment – he probably knew it would hurt me more to make me live with what I've done, and to make me do it away from my home. My beloved Mushroom Kingdom, all my friends!" Peach started welling up with tears again, but Larry just rolled his own eyes.

"Don't be sentimental. It's not even the 'Mushroom Kingdom' anymore, and most of your old friends are in Fawful's pocket anyway. Haven't you been moaning and crying about how sucky it's become here? Well, now's your chance to leave. It's not like they'll accuse you of _voluntarily_ turning your back on your people."

"Yeah, they'll just call me a black-hearted murderer! So consumed by her thirst for revenge that she'd kill a teenager and flee the scene like a coward! So twisted by rage that she wouldn't even stop to think of the consequences! No, I wouldn't be leaving voluntarily – it's much worse than that: I got myself kicked out, and for the most heinous of acts!" Peach slid from her chair, kneeling on the ground, her face in her hands as her body shook with sobs. "How could I have done this? What's happened to me? I'm a monster – I'm worse than Bowser ever was!"

"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult," said Larry. "Just listen to me for a sec-"

"No! You're just going to tell me that killing people is no big deal – or that you're happy I've crossed over to the dark side!"

"No, what you did was stupid. But all is not lost, we can recover from this-"

"Is that all you do? Calculate and plot? Do you not care that your own brother's dead? You should hate me for killing him! _I do!_ Don't try to put a positive spin on this, because nothing good will come of it, and nothing should! I deserve to die, outcast and alone!"

"Come on, Peach. You're not thinking-"

"I'd rather be mindless than emotionless," spat Peach, but looking at her, sprawled and bawling on the floor, Larry couldn't fathom why she would believe such nonsense.

He opened his mouth to retort, only to jump as someone knocked on the door. "Shit," he hissed. "Get up – go hide in my bedroom." His house was small – aside from the parlor, the only other rooms were the bedroom and the bathroom. Now he wished there was a better place to stow his fugitive "friend", but she wasn't even making for the bedroom yet. "What are you doing? Go!"

"No – I don't care if they find me."

"_I do_," growled Larry. If Bowser found out he had the girl who killed his youngest son, he might just end the life of his second-youngest himself. "Who's there?" he called as the person knocked again, even as he rushed over and grabbed the ex-princess by the arm. "Peach, get up!" As he struggled, he alternated calling out and snarling at Peach. "Just a moment! – Stand up! – Gimme two seconds! – Don't be an idiot! – I'm coming!"

"Larry! What the hell is keeping you! It's me, Kammy. I have a message from Lemmy!"

The sound of her husband's name didn't penetrate Peach's ears, but Larry let her flop back to the floor and ran up to the front of the room, where Kammy was still hammering on the door. He yanked it open. "Welcome then!"

Kammy nearly fell on her face as the door was suddenly pulled away, and scowled at Larry. He did that on purpose. But she had more important fish to fry. "Where's Peach?"

"On the ground," said Larry disparagingly, tipping his head in the ex-princess's direction as he closed the door behind the Magikoopa.

Kammy looked down at Peach, who didn't even acknowledge her presence. "Lemmy's in bad shape too," she commented. "Crawling around on the ground, blubbering and weeping. And it's all your fault, girlie. Come on, stand up!"

"Lemmy?" Peach looked up at Kammy, her eyes widening. She had forgotten about Lemmy, but suddenly a pang of regret about the poor Koopaling hit her hard. "Oh, Stars! Lemmy! He must be devastated!"

"He is," said Kammy coolly. "He lost his brother and his brand new wife all at once. And to think he had been so happy only a few hours ago… But now his happily ever after has been ripped from him. He cries and cries. He falls on his bed, and when he tries to get up, calls out for Junior, calls out for his Peach, and falls back down and screams and cries some more. And all because of you."

Watching her speak, Larry could tell she was embellishing the truth a little, not to mention laying on the guilt, but in her state, Peach couldn't tell she was being manipulated. And right now, Larry didn't care to warn her. She killed one brother, screwed over another, and trashed what could have been a good plan. He supposed it didn't matter that she hadn't been planning ahead now, but _he_ wasn't finished with the idea yet, and it seemed, neither was Kammy.

"I know," sobbed Peach, new tears of regret streaming from her eyes. "I'm sorry – I didn't mean for it to go this way!" Suddenly, she turned and grabbed something from the shadowy corner, and Kammy barely had time to see the flash of metal and use a spell to pull the knife from Peach's fingers before she could do something rash. "I deserve to die!" protested Peach, as Kammy caught the dagger in her free hand and held it back from the desperate girl, her wand raised defensively.

"Don't be stupid," snapped Larry, stepping between Peach and Kammy. "Yes, you murdered Junior, and yes, you've probably screwed up Lemmy real bad too, but do you think killing yourself will make any of it better? No! You should be grateful that Fawful let you live – don't repay him by dying by your own hand. Just because you're banished doesn't mean you have to give up on setting things right. It'll be a lot harder for you, working from the outside, but if you go to Jewelry Land you can meet up with Ludwig, and don't forget – you and Lemmy are still married. In time, Junior's murder won't hang over your head so heavily, and Father will probably realize that you only killed Junior out of self-defense – he's been a pain lately, from what I've heard, so it's not like you killed Bowser's _favourite_ son. No, Lemmy's the favourite these days: he's not a traitor, a shit-disturber or annoying chatterbox like the rest of us. And you didn't kill him – you married him. If you break his heart now, that's the end of it, but if you go to him, explain yourself, comfort him and then say goodbye with a promise to keep loving him from afar, and with hopes of one day returning, we can still use the marriage as a way to forge an alliance and get rid of Fawful! If he hadn't forced us all together, none of this would have happened – Fawful's plague may have felled us, but now it's cabin fever that's driving the violence: in time, my father will see that he's to blame, not you."

Kammy watched as Peach digested Larry's words. She didn't like the "using Lemmy" angle, but she supposed that was just Larry being Larry: he would say anything any way if he thought it would get him what he wanted. He clearly thought that presenting Peach with false hope for the future would get her out of his house – and into Lemmy's bed. But Kammy wasn't so sure. She had liked the idea of bringing peace between the Mushroomians and Koopas, but that was when Lemmy would have his girl on hand, making it worth his while to be her means to an end. She didn't want him to waste away like Bowser, longing for the unattainable Peach Toadstool. It was unlikely Peach would be able to come back – the plan would never work now. But she still wanted to see it end on a high note for Lemmy, and fearing that Peach also knew peace was a long-shot, she decided to add her own argument, appealing to guilt, not hope.

"That's all long term, of course," she said, stepping forward, beside Larry. "But there are short term considerations to take into account. Namely, Lemmy. You owe him a decent goodbye, girl, and a proper wedding night for all the heartache you're putting him through. I promised him you'd come tonight, and I won't have you make a liar out of me."

Both Koopas stared at Peach, her face unreadable as she thought it over. She still felt horror over killing Junior, guilt about Lemmy, despair about leaving her home and her friends, but mostly, she felt disgusted at herself and what she had done. It wasn't Fawful, it was all her – she manipulated Lemmy, she got Daisy killed, and she murdered Junior. She didn't know why Lemmy would still love her, still want her, but apparently he did, and as Larry said, it would be unwise to burn that last bridge. And Kammy was right too: she owed him.

Truth be told, she hadn't been looking forward to the wedding night – in her plotting, she had always skimmed over that part, figuring she'd deal with it when it came, even wondering if she could somehow delay it. But she didn't care anymore – she had no self-respect left: she already violated the sanctity of her body when she used it to kill Junior, and what happened to it now didn't matter. She deserved to suffer. She had used Lemmy, and she was glad he was going to use her, and make her pay for what she had done that day, even if he didn't know it. She supposed she was still going to be using him, in a way – and not just because she was cementing the marriage and ensuring he'd wait for her, but because he was now a means for her to punish herself. As she thought of the child waiting for her in the dark, his innocent love about to be twisted and perverted by her hate, only one feeling filled her mind: disgust.

"I'll do it."


	14. Act III Scene iv

**A/N****: I felt the ulterior, political motives were a necessary addition to why Bowser's character is pushing for a wedding so fast, seeing as he's doing it in the face of a much more personal loss than that felt by his character in the original play, who was mainly being carried away by his love of throwing parties.**

Act III. Scene iv.

"I can't believe he's gone…" groaned Bowser. It was the middle of the night, but sleep had eluded him, and while Kammy had managed to slip away before the sun even set, Bowser ensured that Kamek stuck by his side, holding a vigil for Junior. The youngest Koopaling hadn't exactly been a model citizen as of late, however, and none of the other servants found it in them to stick it out with their former ex-King. Aside from Kamek, the only one who was still with Bowser was Birdo, who had hurried over to the Koopa household as soon as she heard the news.

"Yes, this is truly a tragic day," she nodded sympathetically.

"I mean, I knew he'd get himself in trouble sooner or later, but… not like this…" After a moment, Bowser sighed. He was getting tired, and the day's events were no less unfathomable then they had been earlier in the night. He stood up with a stiff groan, and turned to Birdo. "It's late – I'm going to turn in."

"Of course," she said. "I would like to come back tomorrow, if I may. I want to make sure Lemmy is okay."

Bowser nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry you didn't get to speak to him tonight. Kamek here _did_ tell him about your marriage proposal, but I don't think we've spoken to him about it since the party." Bowser looked at Kamek questioning, and the Magikoopa shook his head, confirming Bowser's assertion.

"That party seems like an eternity ago, yet it was scarcely 24 hours since I last left this house," sighed Birdo. "If only I was leaving it in the same jovial mood as last time. Well, good night. I will see you tomorrow: send Lemmy my love."

Bowser pondered for a moment, but before Birdo could reach the door, he called her back. "Wait!" He walked up to her, a smile on his face. "There _is_ a way we can make this house happy again – with a wedding! I'm sure Lemmy will agree to one – from what Kamek tells me, he was open to the idea before he even really met you, and surely after the party, he would realize you would make an excellent wife!"

Birdo couldn't help but smile coyly at the former Koopa King. "You really think I'd be an 'excellent wife'?" When Bowser nodded, she clapped her hands confidently. "Well, I _did_ sense a connection with Lemmy when we spoke. I know _I_, for one, love the little darling with all my heart – could it have been love at first sight for the both of us?"

"If he's anything like his father, I'm sure it is!" grinned Bowser, recalling his own instant infatuation with Lemmy's mother, and his love for Peach as well. However, the thought of the ex-princess was still too painful for the Koopa, and he forced himself to concentrate on the wedding plans. "Well, today's Monday, right? Wednesday would be too soon after the funeral, but Thursday would be a good day, don't you think? It's supposed to be overcast, last I heard – perfect weather! Of course, we don't want to have too grand a party so soon after…" Once more, Bowser banished the sad thoughts from his mind. "Well, anyway, we'll only invite our families and maybe one or two friends… half a dozen at the most."

"Sounds good," said Birdo.

"You don't think it's rushing it, do you?" confirmed Bowser.

"I wish Thursday was tomorrow," replied Birdo.

Kamek opened his mouth to reply, but Bowser cut him off. "Now, Kamek, before you go to bed, tell Lemmy about the wedding."

"Don't you mean 'ask'?" he asked, arms folded.

"Same thing – as if he would say 'no'," said Bowser confidently, even as he shot Kamek a glare, warning him not to speak out again. There was another reason Bowser wanted the marriage to happen as soon as possible: Junior killing Fawful's pet princess Daisy hadn't exactly put the Koopas in good standing with their Beanish overlord, and Bowser was eager to patch it up with a new alliance – and some good press to boot. He was counting on Lemmy to say 'yes', and he didn't want to deal with Kamek's fretting, not today. "Go tell him," Bowser repeated. "And I'll see _you_ tomorrow, Birdo."

As Kamek, Birdo and Bowser went their separate ways, Birdo to the door, and Bowser and Kamek to different stairwells, the Magikoopa snorted to himself. Bowser had kept him up half the night – there was no way he was going to keep _himself_ up any later to talk to Lemmy. It could wait until the morning, and Kamek figured the Koopaling was already asleep himself. He couldn't have been more wrong.


	15. Act III Scene v

**A/N****: I gave Bowser a bit more justification for blowing a gasket than Capulet had, and I expanded the bit between Lemmy and Kammy, since I felt that the original falling out between Juliet and the Nurse was a bit underdeveloped.**

Act III. Scene v.

"Do you have to go? It's not day yet."

Peach forced herself to not roll her eyes as she turned back from the window, Lemmy clutching at her arm. "I told you – it's starting to get light out. I need to get to the Warp Pipes before everyone starts waking up. I'm already cutting it close."

Lemmy shook his head frantically. "No, that's not the sun – it's still far below the horizon, the clouds are just catching the light. It's always like that in Dark Land. Oh please, don't go yet – stay with me for just a bit longer, please!"

Peach smiled and hugged the Koopaling, her face hardening as soon as it was out of view. She was tired, sore, emotionally drained and facing a death sentence – she didn't have the patience for a drawn-out farewell. Still, she knew she had to ace her performance, especially after all the work she had already put into ensuring he was still convinced they were in love over the course of their night together. Whether he was incessantly cuddling, insisting on talking instead of sleeping, or squirming around on top of her broken body, she had managed to fool the hapless child into thinking she took as much pleasure in their night together as he did, and now it was time to make him think that finally escaping was the only source of her pain.

She kissed the top of his head. "Fine. If you say it is still night, let it stay night forever. The Stars know I don't want it to be the morning – maybe they'll stay out forever for us. And if they don't, that's okay, I can die happy if my last hours were with you. Let them take me, because I won't leave on my own accord – I couldn't leave."

"What?! No!" Lemmy pulled out of Peach's arms, staring at her in alarm. "Don't say that! As much as I can't bear to see you go, seeing them take you would be worse! You cannot die, I won't let you die! If you die, then I will die as well." He flung himself back at Peach, tears in his eyes. "I wish we were in Dark Land, and the sun would never come!"

Peach opened her mouth to respond, but she froze as a knock at the door boomed through the twilight, as loud as a canon. Thankfully, only Kammy's voice followed, hissed through the keyhole as loud as she dared. "Lemmy! Kamek's coming to speak to you! Day is breaking – you better be alone!"

"More alone than she could imagine," said Lemmy, pulling back and looking up at Peach, willing for her image to be burned into his mind. "The window lets daylight in, and life out."

"I have to flee for my life, but only my body leaves – my life stays here with you," responded Peach, kissing Lemmy one last time, letting it last as long as she dared, her eyes fixed on the door. The day before, she would have been fine if Kamek or anyone else had caught her, but she had gotten over her desire for a death sentence. She hadn't enjoyed sleeping with Lemmy, but in a way, it _had_ made her feel better. She would never feel absolved of her crimes towards Junior and Daisy, but she no longer felt guilty about Lemmy. She had made him happy, and someday, she still hoped she could bring peace between their families, but for now, she would at least be leaving him in love. Sure, it was a lie, and she still felt dirty deep inside, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him, and she felt it was only right that she bore the pain alone.

Finally she broke it off, and whispering "farewell", she began her descent. Lemmy stayed at the window, watching her go, fighting back tears. He wondered if Kammy had distracted Kamek for him, because the wizard still hadn't appeared by the time Peach was on the ground and in the shadows of the trees. He could barely see her, but he knew she was there. "Art thou gone so, love?" he called. "My wife, my friend, I wish I could hear from you every day. See you every hour. In every minute apart, it feels like a week goes by. I shall be an old man before I see my Peach again."

"I won't miss any chance to send you my love. Letters, sealed with kisses, the ink like blood pouring forth from my heart itself, its messages will be so laden with emotion." Peach felt ridiculous: even when she believed in love, she wouldn't have been caught dead spouting such dribble.

"Every letter of every page I will treasure more than all the Stars in the sky. Oh Peach, do you think we'll meet again?"

"I don't doubt it! And someday we'll look back at our time apart and it'll be nothing but a story to tell each other in our inseparable nights."

Lemmy smiled down at Peach, her love and hope radiating more warmth than the distant sun. Yet beneath the misty trees, she didn't glow like the sun, but rather, the light seemed to dance around her, pale and ethereal, like a ghost in the shadows. Shuddering at the terrifying beauty, Lemmy called out, his voice wistful. "Oh Peach, you look so pale…"

"The world is pale and grey without you, my love. Adieu! Adieu!" as she spoke her last words, Peach saw light shine from within Lemmy's room, turning his sad face into a silhouette as Kamek surely entered behind him. Lest he tried to call out, she stepped back beneath the trees and disappeared.

"What are you doing?" frowned Kamek. "Is someone down there?"

"No, no – just watching the sunrise," said Lemmy, stepping away from the window the moment Peach was gone from view. "Why are _you_ up so early?"

"I have a message for you – His ex-Crankyness wanted me to deliver it last night, and when he found out I went to bed instead, he was less than pleased."

"Why's _he_ up so early?"

"Probably the same reason as you – you've been crying," observed Kamek, stepping closer to Lemmy, who hoped his nose wasn't as keen as his eyes, for the sweet smell of Peach still clung to the Koopaling. "I know we're all sorry about Junior, but tears will not bring him back to life."

"I know, but I can't help it. I've lost so much," sighed Lemmy, talking at cross-purposes to Kamek.

"We all have," sighed the oblivious Magikoopa, patting Lemmy on the shoulder. "But I have some news that will cheer you up. Despite his grief about Junior, His ex-Paternalness didn't forget about you. He's going to bring happiness back to the household, as well as Fawful's favour, because on Thursday, you're gonna marry Birdo."

"What!?" yelped Lemmy. "No I'm not! How can you expect me to rush into a wedding with someone I barely know?" Ignoring the hypocracy of his statement, Lemmy ploughed onward, Kamek's expression growing darker with every word. "She's barely talked to me, and the couple times we _did_ speak were unpleasant. Don't let Dad marry me off, not yet, and not to Birdo! If I was going to marry, I would rather marry Peach, who killed my own brother! Never Birdo! Tell him that!"

"Here comes your father," responded Kamek coolly, feeling Bowser's footsteps draw closer in the hallway. "Tell him yourself – see how well _that_ goes over."

"Lemmy!" Bowser smiled down at his son as he stomped into the room, Kammy at his heels. "Still crying? I hope you weren't crying all night – you'd float away on a sea of your own tears. But didn't you tell him the good news, Kamek? I thought I made it clear how I felt about your dilly-daddying."

"I told him, but he won't have any of it."

"What?" Bowser's expression darkened as he turned to Lemmy. "What does he mean? You don't want to marry Birdo? Don't you realize how important this is – and how good a match it is? No one else would go near a scrawny little rat like you with a ten foot pole. Don't you get it – it's her or no one!"

"Then I chose no one," said Lemmy. Two days ago, he would have cowered and done as he was told, but he was a different Koopa now, and he stood his ground. He wouldn't forsake Peach so easily. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm thankful to you for trying to find someone for me, but I can't marry someone I don't even like, much less love."

"Oh yes you can," snarled Bowser. He was short tempered on a good day, but now, short on sleep, nursing the loss of a child, and feeling betrayed by the girl _he_ once loved, Bowser was in a dangerous state of mind. "Love is a fairy tale and you're a fool to try and hold out for it! Now, you _will_ marry Birdo on Thursday. You'll put on one of those happy faces we all know and cringe over, and roll yourself over to Larry's on your dinkiest rubber ball, or I will drag you there myself! You hear me, you spoiled little brat!"

"Ex-Sire, aren't you overreacting?" Kamek knew Bowser was in a bad mood (he had the scorch marks and the charred bed to prove it), but he was alarmed at just how quickly things had gotten so ugly.

"Dad! Please, don't be mad! I'm sorry, I just can't-"

"Can't what? Grow up and do me this one thing? Forget you! Disobedient wretch. Turning on my just like Ludwig and Roy and Larry, are you? Why couldn't Peach have run _you_ through instead of Junior!"

"Your ex-Outrageousness! How can you say that to him!" cried Kammy, running forward to put herself between Bowser and Lemmy.

"Shut up, Haggy! Don't tell me how to raise my children!"

"This isn't raising children!" protested Kammy.

"For the Star's sake," Bowser rolled his eyes.

"No wonder they all turn on you, if you treat them like this!"

"You listen to Morton's mindless chatter too much, Batty – I showed them all nothing but love!" It wasn't true, but Bowser tended to gloss things over in his rage.

"You're too hot!" shouted Kamek.

"HOT? Oh, I'm just WARMING UP!" Now embers really _were_ flying from Bowser's jaws as he towered over the others, his voice making the entire wing of the mansion shake. "I gave everything for my children! You think I surrendered to Fawful because I was scared _I_ would get sick? He told me he'd kill them all – and how do you repay me!?" His attention shifted from the Magikoopas back to the wide-eyed Lemmy. "Ludwig leaves, Larry decides he's better off on his own, Roy joins the enemy! I try to make peace and he throws it back in my face! Not a word from Ludwig since the door slammed behind him! And Larry only keeps up contact because it benefits _him_ to stay in the loop – do you think I don't know that? And then, after I gave up everything to protect them, all Iggy and Wendy and Junior ever do is pick fights! If Mario and Luigi hadn't gotten sick, I'd be burying three children today, not just the one that my beloved _Peach_ stole from me! They all say I failed them, but they BETRAYED ME! And now you are too! I try to arrange a way for you to be safe and happy, and you _refuse_ it? You preach of love, but you don't know what love is – you don't see that I love you? THEN FORGET YOU! Go and chase love; you won't find it – and you won't find it here if you do this to me, I won't be betrayed again. You'll marry Birdo, or you're no son of mine! Think it over, and the Stars help you choose the right answer, or else pack your bags and get out of my house!"

Bowser turned on his heel and stormed out of the room, the mansion shuddering with each step, while Lemmy stood quaking on his own. Bowser had never gone off on him like that before, and the thought of losing his father hurt as much as losing Peach. He looked over at the two stunned Magikoopas; they had witnessed the fallouts between Bowser, Roy and Ludwig (Larry had left quietly in the dead of night, leaving only a note), but this was worse, by far.

"Kamek," said Lemmy weakly. "Kamek, you can't let him throw me out! Please, talk some sense into him! Delay the wedding – by a month, by a week, even. Just don't let him make me marry Birdo on Thursday!"

Kamek looked at Lemmy, his face blank. Bowser had crossed a line, but after watching the Koopa he secretly thought of as his child lose his own children, one by one, he found it hard to sympathize with yet another little heartbreaker. Besides, Kamek was not a romantic – marrying Birdo made sense, and Lemmy was an idiot to turn it down. He wasn't going to help Lemmy make a stupid decision, and he wouldn't side against Bowser. "Don't talk to me, I can't help you," he finally said, and left the room, closing the door behind him with a wave of his wand.

Lemmy turned to Kammy now. "Oh, Stars. What do I do? How can I stop this marriage without hurting Dad? I can't marry Birdo – I'm already married to Peach! How could I stand to live with that vile Birdo when I love someone else? I don't want to betray Dad, but I think I already have just by marrying Peach – maybe it _would_ be best if I left…"

"No, Lemmy, don't leave," said Kammy. She sighed. "I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you this, at least, not so soon, but Peach doesn't love you. She was using you to try and make peace between the Koopas and the Mushroomians, so that we can stand together against Fawful. It was a good idea – until she killed Junior, and then it all fell apart…"

Lemmy shook his head, despair turning to panic. "No, you're wrong. She wouldn't do that to me!"

"Yes, she would. I'm sorry Lemmy, but I won't stand by while you throw your life away over a woman who doesn't love you."

"She _does_ love me," insisted Lemmy, anger joining the mix of emotions warring in his heart. "But I wonder if you do – if you loved me and you thought she didn't, you wouldn't have helped us be together."

"I _do_ love you," said Kammy, reaching out to Lemmy, but he recoiled from her touch. It hurt Kammy to see him feel so betrayed, but she needed him to see reason. "I too wanted to see peace between our people: you saw what will happen otherwise – Junior and Daisy were the first, but they won't be the last. And it was good for you, too. Look at you – you're standing tall. Well, relatively, but that's beside the point. Falling in love with Peach made you grow up: love builds characters, and it's fun too – ya gotta admit! But that love has run its course. I'm sorry it happened so quickly, but it's over between you and Peach. She can't come back, but Birdo won't leave, and if you're with _her_, you won't have to leave your family – who _do_ love you. I'm so, so sorry that Peach broke your heart, but that's part of growing up, and now I beg you, don't break your father's heart. Don't throw your life away to follow a woman who used you and left you behind."

Silence fell as Lemmy thought about Kammy's words, his face clouded. Finally, he spoke, his voice small and hard. "You really think she doesn't love me?"

"I'm sorry, Lemmy," said Kammy, and she meant it.

"But I don't love Birdo."

"But you _do_ love your father," argued Kammy. "And Morton, and Larry and me?"

Lemmy looked over at Kammy's questioning tone, and returned her hopeful smile. "Yes, I do." He let Kammy shuffle over and embrace him in a hug, but unlike with Peach, he felt no warmth for the arms that encircled him. He knew that Peach hoped for peace between their families, but he couldn't believe that she would lie to him and use him to meet those ends – her heart was too pure for that. But Kammy admitted it herself – she thought Lemmy was being manipulated and she went along with it. Why should he love someone like that? Why should he ever trust her again? And if Bowser really did love him, he wouldn't force him to marry someone he didn't love. Love was supposed to be about making the other person happy, and the only one who seemed to care about Lemmy's happiness was Peach.

His mind was made up. He asked Kammy to leave him alone for the morning, promising to find Bowser and apologize in person later, after he had some time to clear his head. But as soon as Kammy was gone, Lemmy raced to the window. The only reason they wanted him to marry Birdo was because of her connections with Fawful, but he wasn't going to lie down and let them use him like that. He wasn't a child anymore, and no one would rule him except the woman who held his heart in her hands. He hadn't hoped he would leave his home so soon and so suddenly, but the people who _claimed_ they loved him had given him no choice. His heart pounded as he crawled out of his window and started descending the vine-strewn wall, turning his back on his old life and preparing to fly to a sweeter future with Peach, the rising sun lighting his way.


	16. Act IV Scene i

**A/N****: Seeing as Lemmy would be willing and able to simply run away, unlike Juliet, I had to improvise. I also added a lot more plotting on Larry's part, since he's not exactly as magnanimous as the Friar.**

Act IV. Scene i.

"On _Thursday_? Isn't that a bit fast?"

"Your father insisted, and I'm certainly not going to argue with him," explained Birdo, standing in the doorway to the funeral house with Larry. In an attempt to mend some fences, Bowser had decided that Larry should be the one to marry Lemmy, and Birdo thought including him was a lovely idea. She knew it would make her sensitive fiancé happier if his family wasn't so fractious, and what better way to bring people back together than a wedding? Today, the funeral parlor at Larry's back would be a somber place, holding the funerals of both Daisy and Junior, but in two days time, it would be transformed for the happiest of occasions. Thinking about it made Birdo's heart swell with happiness. "Besides, I've been looking forward to my wedding say for so long, I'd have no intention of postponing it even if my future father-in-law _wasn't_ famous for his fiery temper."

Larry raised a dubious eyebrow. "Has Lemmy even agreed to it? Assumptions do not make for an even course."

"I haven't spoken to him since Sunday's party, but Bowser told Kamek to talk to him last night. It's a good thing that we're moving so fast – it'll take his mind off Junior. Everyone says he's been so gloomy lately, and both his father and I want to put a spring back in his step. If we do not act fast, the death of your poor brother could drive your other brother into an even deeper state of depression. That would just break my heart – and wouldn't you be sad to see him in such a sorry state too? Sadness can move wickedly fast, but love can move faster. Why, in the case of love at first sight, it moves at the speed of light! We are moving quickly, but we are not rushing our love: there is nothing to lose and everything to gain from this!"

_I've hear THAT before_, frowned Larry, but before he could think of a verbal response, Lemmy himself appeared behind Birdo. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"My darling!" Birdo spun around, beaming at Lemmy before he could reply to Larry's question. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Yeah, hi. Larry, I need to talk to you."

"Oooh, are you here to discuss our wedding plans?" asked Birdo, oblivious to the fact that Lemmy clearly didn't want to talk to her.

"No," he said, _at least, not in the way you're expecting me to be discussing it._

"Oh, maybe you're just here to talk about _me_."

"If I'm stuck out here talking _to_ you, I guess he'll never know if I wanted to talk _about_ you," responded Lemmy coolly.

Birdo chuckled. "I _love_ it when you play coy, sweetie."

"Then you're going to be _very_ happy in this relationship," said Lemmy, knowing Birdo would take him to be mean a romantic relationship, while an antagonistic one was more along the lines of what he was thinking.

"I'm sure I will," she said, batting her eyes seductively. "And so will you, although my own act will be _far_ from coy."

"I don't doubt it," said Lemmy, before turning back to Larry. "I need to talk to _you_, now."

Larry had been watching the exchange with interest, but with a shrug, he pushed himself off the doorframe he had been leaning on. "Fine – it's still a couple hours before Daisy's funeral starts. Birdo's been nattering at me for a good fifteen minutes, but I can afford to take a little more time off from the preparations for you too."

"In private," insisted Lemmy, eyeing the movement behind Larry as his staff cleaned and decorated the funeral hall.

"Fine, fine – we can go next door."

As Larry closed the door behind him, Birdo seized Lemmy by his shoulders. "I wish we could speak some more, but I know better than to get between brothers – especially when I myself am to be the subject of their conversation." She winked at Lemmy, but what came next was much more upsetting as she pulled him to her and latched onto his lips with her sucker mouth. He struggled in her grasp as slurping filled the air, trying in vain to keep his tongue in his own mouth against her suction, but she mistook the attempts to break free as writhes of pleasure, and squeezed him tighter.

He gasped for air when she finally released him, but she wasn't done yet. "My lovers have always praised the intensity of my kisses," she whispered, leaning close. "It's overwhelming at first, I know, but you'll get used to it soon, my sweet. But not to worry, there's much more that I have to offer you – I wish nothing more than to be the ideal wife for my cute little husband!" Kissing him on the cheek, she then pulled away and walked away, waving as she went.

Lemmy wiped the slobber from his face in disgust, looked up at Larry, who grimaced in sympathy and beckoned him to follow. In a few steps, they were inside Larry's house, and as soon as the door clicked close behind him, the older Koopaling moaned. "Larry, what am I going to _do_? I can't marry her – she's horrible! And I love _Peach_! Dad said he'll disown me if I don't marry Birdo, but I don't think I have a choice – I tried to leave, but there's Koopas at all the city gates. I thought they were there to try and stop Peach, but they wouldn't let me go either. I told them I was just going for a walk – I didn't bring any luggage so no one would think I was running away, but they just told me to go home. I'm lucky no one tried to _escort_ me back to Dad, or I'd be a burnt crisp now. Although, if being turned inside-out by Birdo is the alternative, being cooked alive doesn't sound so bad."

"Hmm, yeah, this is a bit of a pickle…" agreed Larry, having heard from the Hammer Bros. about the ugly scene that went down between Lemmy and his father that morning. Apparently, anyone not already awake and preparing to go and guard the gates (as the Hammer Bros. had been) was wide awake by the time Bowser finished with Lemmy. The brothers had even suspected the neighbours were woken up too, but they had a habit of exaggerating.

"Even Kammy turned on me," continued Lemmy. "She's always said that Birdo would be a good wife, but that's not true at all! Her 'kisses' are torture – thinking of Peach's sweetness is the only reason I'm not puking."

"My floor thanks you," said Larry.

"And that's not the worst of it – Kammy tried to tell me that Peach doesn't love me! That it's all some big scam to overthrow Fawful! But _she_ was the one using me, if she thought that Peach doesn't love me. I trusted her, and she lied to me!"

Larry's face darkened. How could Kammy have given up on their hopes for the future so easily? Peach had gotten out of the city in time, and as long as she was alive and as long as Lemmy still loved her, there was a way to use that to their advantage. Kammy was an old fool for not seeing that she was throwing away a hand that still had the possibility of winning. "Kammy's an idiot," he growled, truthfully, before dipping back into his trademark lies. "Don't listen to her – she's wrong about Peach."

Lemmy smiled, grateful there was still at least one person who was on his side, but the happiness was short-lived as he thought about his predicament. "But Larry, what do I do? I can't marry Birdo, but I can't escape! I don't want to upset Dad, but he doesn't care about me – no one does except you and Peach! Oh, I need Peach! I'll die without her!" Catching sight of a dagger lying on the table, Lemmy sprang across the room. He could smell the blood of a Dragon-Koopa on the blade – but also the smell of his beloved. It was the dagger that Peach used to kill Junior, which Kammy had taken from her the day before. Lemmy picked up the dagger, staring at the blood-stained steel. "I'd kill myself before I have to be with someone other than Peach – I don't care if it hurts Dad or Kammy or anyone else!"

Larry hurried to his side, but unlike Peach, Lemmy's fit of passion wasn't so extreme that he would turn the knife on himself – yet. But Larry could tell his brother was being pushed to the edge: he had never seen Lemmy's eyes staring with as much intensity as they were now, weapon in hand. He didn't need to use the knife – the happy-go-lucky child that used to be Lemmy Koopa was already dead and gone. But that was a good thing: a desperate man was a lot more useful to Larry than a sniveling baby.

"It's not going to come to that," he said, putting a hand on Lemmy's arm, using his free hand to pull a vial out of his hammerspace. "This is a potion I recently perfected: it's made of juice from both Poison Mushrooms and 1-Ups, with some Zombie Shroom spores mixed in. Drink it tomorrow when you go to bed, and it'll put you in a state of suspended animation: you'll still be alive, but everyone will think you're dead. You won't breathe, you won't have a heartbeat – you'll be cold and limp and unresponsive. I'll even drop by in the morning, ostensibly to help prepare for the wedding, but then, when they find you, I'll be there to pronounce you dead. I'm sure no other doctor would be able to tell it's a ruse, especially since this potion is my own invention, but better safe than sorry."

Lemmy nodded. "If they think I'm dead, then they won't force me to marry Birdo. But then what?"

"The potion lasts about forty-two hours – that'll give them enough time to hold a funeral and turn you over to me. I'm afraid I _will_ have to entomb you, but like Junior, you'll go into an above-ground vault, and I'll come back and retrieve you before the potion wears off. I'll send a message to Ludwig and Peach explaining the situation – it would be too risky for her to come back, but our brother can come and fetch you. He'll be able to get you out of the kingdoms in secret, and then you can stay with him and Peach in Jewelry Land-"

Larry had scarcely finished speaking when Lemmy flung his arms around him. "Oh, thank you, Larry!" he cried, hugging his brother tightly. "When I couldn't get out of the city, I just knew you could think of a way to save me!"

"Aw, Lems, don't sweat it – plotting is my specialty, after all."

Lemmy chuckled. "Yes, and I'm glad it is – you've been helping me and Peach all along. I don't know what I would have done without you."

Larry smiled at his brother, wondering just what _would_ have befallen his brother if he _hadn't_ interfered. Peach had already screwed with his young mind before Larry got involved, although he might not be so desperate to get back to her if Larry hadn't agreed to marry them, and then sent Peach off to consummate the marriage. However, even without his first marriage complicating matters, Lemmy would still be facing a marriage with Birdo, and while making love with a creature as fine as Peach Toadstool would surely make all other suitors pale in comparison, the sucker-faced dinosaur would probably strike Lemmy as unappetizing even if he had nothing to compare her to.

It was really Peach's own fault everything had happened the way it did – using Lemmy was her idea all along and she was the one who got in a fight and killed Junior, driving Bowser to rushing the wedding ahead in order to save face with Fawful (Larry didn't believe Birdo's insistence it was for Lemmy's sake at all). All Larry was doing was fixing all the holes in Peach's plan; maybe if he taught her better she wouldn't have been so sloppy with her scheme, but was it really the teacher's fault if the student failed? No, Larry felt no responsibility, and certainly no remorse for his role in landing Lemmy in hot water, but he _did_ feel smug about figuring out a perfect solution.

Lemmy was happy because he was escaping Birdo and being reunited with Peach, and as long as Peach was sensible enough to _keep_ him happy, when the time was right, they could return. Hopefully, Bowser would be so happy about Lemmy being alive that he wouldn't mind the deception – but for good measure, Larry would be sure to place the blame on Kammy; with any luck, she'd had died of old age by that point and unable to try and defend herself. If Bowser accepted Lemmy, surely he would accept Peach too – and if there was some trouble, Larry was sure she could _convince_ Bowser to let her into his house, one way or another. She had already crossed the line – what was one more Koopa caller when the future would be at stake? And then, seeing their beloved Peach married to Lemmy and living with the Koopas would convince the Mushrooms to stop clashing with the Koopas, especially if the violence had already declined by that point: without Junior and Daisy, the only real shit-disturbers left were Iggy and Wendy. Larry might have to see about dealing with them in the near future, but he supposed Peach couldn't be the _only_ one making sacrifices for the good of the greater future.

Yes, Larry was confident that Fawful's fall was still within grasp; he just had to play his cards right.

"Now, Lemmy – go back home, apologize to Father and tell him you'll marry Birdo," instructed Larry. "In the meantime, I'll give Yoshi a letter to deliver to Ludwig and Peach – I hear he's already planning to go visit your wife, and will be leaving as soon as Daisy's funeral is over." Larry wasn't thrilled about having to rely on the Mushroomian dinosaur, but he had no choice: there wasn't really anyone left in the city that he trusted, but Yoshi knew he and Peach had been on good terms and had always been passably polite. That, combined with the fact that Peach had taken refuge with Larry's brother, would hopefully be enough to guarantee that Yoshi would have the decency to deliver Larry's letter. "Speaking of which, I have to get back to the funeral hall," finished Larry, glancing at the clock on his wall.

Lemmy nodded understandably and they went to the door. "Thank you Larry – for everything!" said Lemmy as he walked away down the street.

_Well, not for everything_, thought Larry, watching him go with a measured smile.


	17. Act IV Scene ii

**A/N****: I added the bit where Bowser explains his somewhat contradictory handling of Lemmy, which is mainly a product of having to the guards I had to add to the gate to keep Lemmy from simply running away, as I mentioned last chapter.**

Act IV. Scene ii.

By the evening, Bowser was back to his usual self – temperamental, but for the most part, enjoying himself as he ordered the servants around, burying the memory of the afternoon's funeral with thoughts of the wedding. After the fun he had with his Bowser Party, he was looking forward to having another party on Thursday – or so he told himself. He still mourned for Junior, still warm under the ground, but he wouldn't dwell on it, and forced himself to tirelessly wander about with Kammy and Kamek in tow, making sure the mansion would be ready. Finding the Hammer Bros. in the entrance hall, having just been relieved of a full day of guard duty at one of the city gates, Bowser handed them a list of names.

"I can't find Morton, so you guys'll have to invite the guests. Also, go round up some cooks – and make sure they're _good_ cooks. I want to have LOTS of _amazing_ food at Lemmy's wedding. And a cake three times his size! Or actually, make it four times – he's a little runt."

"Yessir, you can count on us, yo," said the first Hammer Bro.

"We'll get the best cooks in town, yo – we'll make 'em lick their own fingers to prove it, too," added the second one.

Bowser raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Huh? Why would I want cooks who slobber all over their food?"

"Because, yo – if they were bad cooks, they wouldn't _want_ to lick their fingers," explained the Hammer Bro.

"Yeah, yo – it's genius," agreed his brother.

"It sounds unsanitary, if you ask me," frowned Bowser. "Just go – and make it snappy. But if I find 'em serving saliva soup at the wedding, heads will roll: _your_ heads!"

"Yes sir, yo!"

"Right away, yo!"

As the Hammer Bros. scurried off, Kammy chuckled. "Nice to see you're in a good mood again, Your Delineatingness. Despite Lemmy running off."

"Don't bring _that_ up, idiot," hissed Kamek, but Bowser laughed it off.

"Lemmy's a little punk, but I suppose being a rebel is better than hiding in his room – no son of mine's gonna spend his life as a crybaby. Besides, he came to the funeral – sure, he snuck in at the last minute like a coward and ran off again before we could catch him afterwards, but at least he hasn't turned on us – marrying him off would be too good for him if he betrayed us like Ludwig. I won't stand for that happening again, but it's not like he can get out of the city like his plumber's snake of a big brother."

"If you didn't actually plan on disowning him, was threatening to really necessary?" scowled Kammy, despite Kamek's mimed attempts to stop her.

Bowser looked over his shoulder at the Magikoopas, a glint in his eye. "Fear's a great motivator – haven't I taught you that by now?" Kammy jumped as he sent a warning flare at her feet, proving his point for him. Movement in the doorway caught his attention and he turned to find Lemmy nervously walking up to the group. Bowser grinned – yet more proof that his disciplining tactic works on his Koopalings as well as his underlings. "How now, my headstrong little Goomba, where have you been lollygagging all day?"

"I was visiting with Larry, and I've been doing some thinking. I would have come to you right after the funeral, but it wasn't the right time…" Lemmy looked up at Bowser, putting on the sorriest face he could muster. "It was wrong of me to disobey you. You know what's best for me – if you say that marrying Birdo is the right thing to do, for me and the family, then I'll do it. I'm sorry for before – I would never betray you, Dad."

Bowser smiled down at Lemmy, reaching forward and tousling his rainbow hair. "Aww Lemmy, I knew you'd come around… You just needed some tough love, is all. A nice little wake-up call, eh?" Bowser thought for a moment, and then beamed at his once-wayward son. "Y'know what, why wait until Thursday? Let's have the wedding tomorrow!"

Lemmy struggled to keep his horror from showing, and was glad when Kamek draw Bowser's attention. "No, not 'till Thursday – why rush it even more?"

"Psh, you're no fun," snorted Bowser.

"And _you're_ not rational," countered Kamek.

But Bowser was having none of it. "Look, go make yourself useful and spread the word amongst the servants – Lemmy, you go with him, and then you guys can get him ready to be married off. Y'know, share some advice."

"How would _I_ know what to tell him?" snarled the unmarried Magikoopa.

"He's the _last_ person you want to be handing out love advice," added Kammy.

"Fine," relented Bowser. "_You_ alert the household and stick with Lemmy, and Kamek, you can go catch up with the Hammer Bros. and make sure they tell the guests it's tomorrow, not the day after."

"What about you?" inquired Kammy.

"_I'll_ go tell Birdo the good news myself – she'll be up at the castle, I imagine." Grinning at the prospect of hob-knobbing in Fawful's abode, Bowser spun on his heel and headed straight for the door, barking at Kamek to hurry up and head out too, while behind them, Kammy grabbed the stunned Lemmy by the arm and dragged him away.


	18. Act IV Scene iii

**A/N****: This scene is mostly Juliet soliloquizing, which doesn't translate well, so I added more Kamek and Kammy stuff at the beginning to keep it a decent length.**

Act IV. Scene iii.

"So, any questions?" Kammy smiled at Lemmy good naturedly, not realizing he was struggling to keep his dinner down after listening to her sermon on all the _fun_ things one can do with a Birdo. Her description of a kiss certainly bore no semblance to his experience that morning, and as for the rest of her lecture… Well, he just hoped the stasis brought forth by Larry's potion would not include dreams, lest he be plagued by nightmares for the next two days.

Not that he would let the treacherous Kammy know any of that. Instead, he pulled the covers up around himself and smiled contentedly. "No, I think I have the idea."

"Well, I suppose you _have_ had some experience," leered Kammy, having herself changed Lemmy's stained sheets earlier, before anyone else could see them and ask questions about why he had human blood in his bed. Part of her wanted to ask Lemmy how the night had gone, given the fact that they were both inexperienced and dealing with the complications of inter-species mating on top of that, but if she didn't want him dwelling on Peach, _she_ could hardly inquire about the girl.

"I _did_ see Birdo today," said Lemmy, strategically misinterpreting Kammy's comment. He didn't want to think about that morning, but talking about the emotional night that preceded it might loosen his tongue, and he couldn't afford to spill any secrets to Kammy.

"You mentioned that earlier," said Kammy, having pried the info out of the Koopaling earlier in the day. "But you'll be in for much more tomorrow – you'll see that you made the right choice, I promise you."

"I'm sure I did," said Lemmy, thinking of the vial of potion stowed in his hammerspace.

"You're still up?" asked Kamek, wandering into the room. "He has to get up early tomorrow – you should let him sleep."

"His ex-Perceptiveness is right – you _are_ no fun, ya know that?" snorted Kammy.

"I _am_ sorta tired," said Lemmy, grateful for Kamek's intrusion.

"Hmm? Oh, of course you are!" Kammy lightly smacked herself at forgetting. "After all, you didn't get much sleep last night, didn't you?"

"Why's that?" Kamek had a feeling he was out of the loop at Kammy shot Lemmy a rather cheeky look as she slid off the foot of his bed.

"I was upset about Junior – I couldn't sleep," said Lemmy, lest Kammy foolishly let Kamek in on the Peach conspiracy. He was never good at deception, but if there was one thing Larry had taught him over the years, it was to minimize the number of people who knew your secret. More mouths meant more potential leaks.

"But tonight – you can have sweet dreams about tomorrow," grinned Kammy. "And tomorrow night – you won't be having much sleep then either, so of course, you'll need to get properly refreshed tonight. You should have shooed me out sooner – I could have finished my lessons in the morning."

"You'll have to finish your long windy 'goodnight' in the morning too, at this rate," growled Kamek, grabbing Kammy by the arm and hauling her towards the door. "Now come on – there's still lots to do for tomorrow."

"Ugh, _fiiiine_," moaned the witch. "Goodnight, Lemmy – see you in the morning!"

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," said Kamek, halfheartedly waving over his shoulder.

"Bye guys," said Lemmy, knowing full well that _he_ wouldn't be seeing _them_ in the morning. He reached under the lip of his shell and pulled out the vial, looking at the green liquid inside, a hint of dread welling up. What if something went wrong – what if he woke up too early and suffocated in the crypt before Larry came and got him? The fact that he had to take the potion a day early shouldn't matter – the funeral would just happen Wednesday rather than Thursday – but he worried the dose might be wrong. How exactly did Larry develop the potion anyway? Probably not on Dragon-Koopas: Larry wasn't the type to self-experiment and there weren't exactly any other volunteers around. And what if it went _cataclysmically_ wrong – what if he died, or worse, woke up like normal in the morning and had to marry Birdo?

Shuddering, Lemmy reached back under his shell and pulled out Peach's dagger. Larry hadn't noticed him take it, or if he _did_ notice, he didn't say anything, and Lemmy was grateful for that. He had cleaned the blood off before he got home, which was fortunate since Kammy hadn't left him alone all evening, so he wouldn't have had a chance to clean it until now. She had been nonplussed about Peach's blood (Lemmy wished she had given him a warning about _that_, instead of saving all her wisdom for her Birdo sermon), but he imagined his brother's dried blood _would_ raise eyebrows…

He smiled wryly at himself – why was he worrying about _that_ of all things? He was going to be "dead' in the morning: they weren't going to scrutinize the sheets when there was a body demanding their attention. And if the potion failed, Junior's blood wouldn't even be discernible in the pool of Lemmy's own blood. He would rather plunge the dagger into his chest than let his heart be ripped out by his father and handed to Birdo on a silver platter. He would rather the potion kill him than wake up in a world where he couldn't be with Peach.

All doubts gone, he stowed the dagger back in his shell and pulled the stopper out of the vile. "Peach, Peach, Peach! Here's drink, I drink to thee." He downed the potion in one swig, and before he even had a chance to cram the vile back into his hammerspace, the world seemed to be pulled out from under him, and he was engulfed in darkness and ice, leaving his body lying sprawled and motionless upon the bed.


	19. Act IV Scenes iv and v

**A/N****: Unlike some of the other short scenes that passed by recently, this one can be easily merged with the following scene, seeing as there wasn't much of a scene break in the original, either.**

**In the first scene I expanded the conversation a little, like so many others.**

**In the second scene, I once again added a whole whack of Larry machinations: I figured it was better than the over-the-top grieving of the original, which I wasn't fond of. The audience may have known Juliet wasn't really dead, but it seemed unreasonable that her parents didn't get properly poignant until the last scene, seeing as her death should have been pretty damn real for them the first time around.**

Act IV. Scene iv.

Kammy and Kamek barely had any sleep that night, and were already up as dawn broke, making sure the kitchen staff and the cleaning crew were diligently making the final preparations for the wedding ahead.

"Kammy! They need more spices – go to the basement!" called Kamek, catching Kammy in the main hallway as she dashed to and fro.

"Can't you see I'm busy? You get them!" she snapped.

"Stir, stir, stir! It's already light out, everybody wake up!" The Magikoopas turned as Bowser burst through the front door. "Hurry to the bakery and get all the best baked meats!"

"You don't get baked meats at a bakery, Your ex-Misinformedness, and where have you been all night? We were worried sick – or at least _some_ of us were," at this, she shot Kamek a dirty look.

"I was at the castle with Birdo – there was a big party, and Fawful even stopped by early on," Bowser grinned toothily at the Magikoopas. "This marriage is already paying off for us. We'll be back in the good life in no time!"

"Yeah, because a giant mansion and near-unlimited funds to throw two extravagant parties in one week is really slumming it," said Kamek, rolling his eyes behind his glasses.

Bowser scowled, but Kammy rushed to interfere before he got riled up. "Ex-Sire, please, go to bed. You need to be well-rested for today – even a couple hours will be better than nothing!"

"There's no time, and besides, it's clear you guys need me to stay on top of things. I've stayed up all night before, it's not a concern. Now go, make yourselves useful!" Bowser made a shooing motion with his hands, watching as Kamek returned to the kitchen and Kammy tottered off to the dining room. "Those guys need to loosen up," he muttered to himself, before noticing the Hammer Bros. coming up from the basement. "You there, what'cha got?"

"Spices, yo," said the first Bro.

"For the bread – we're baking in-house, yo."

"Well, not _us_ specifically, yo. The cooks are, ya dig?"

"Yeah yo, the ones we got for you yesterday."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever – just hurry. Birdo will be here any minute, I want everything to be ready – although I suppose the smell of baking bread would be as good a welcome as any!" As the Hammer Bros. dashed into the kitchen, Bowser called for his Magikoopas. "Kammy! Kamek! Hey, Bat-Breath!"

"You called?" asked Kammy wearily, appearing above Bowser at the top of the stairwell leading to the dining room.

"Go wake Lemmy up. Birdo's going to be here any second. I'm going to wait outside for her."

"Can't _you_ wake him up? I'm busy."

"You wake him up NOW – that's an order!" snarled Bowser, before stomping back over to the door. Kammy sighed and conjured up her broom, flying over the empty dancefloor and disappearing down a corridor.

Act. IV. Scene v.

"Lemmy!" Kammy called as she opened the Koopaling's door, turning on a light with a wave of her wand as she stowed away her broomstick. "Lemmy, wake up! Sleeping in today? Well, I suppose we _did_ say you needed your rest between your two wedding nights, but still, come on!" She walked up next to the bed, looking down at the motionless Koopaling. "Lemmy! Wake up! Do you want Birdo to come and give you a wake-up kiss or something? It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding, but I suppose if you're asleep…" Still no movement, Kammy rolled her eyes, reaching forward to shake the youngster awake. "Lemmy! Come oh-" Kammy released her grip on Lemmy's shoulder immediately – it was stone cold. "Lemmy?" she whispered in horror, grabbing at his lifeless body again. "Lemmy?! _LEMMY!_ Oh, Stars! Help! Come help! He's _dead!_ Oh, Lemmy! NO! Bowser! Kamek! Oh, no, Lemmy!"

Kamek ran into the room. "What are you on about?" he demanded, but one look at Kammy clutching at the pale, limp Koopaling and all the colour drained from his own face. "By the Stars! He's not-? He can't be-"

"He is, he is!" sobbed Kammy. "He's cold to the touch!"

"Bowser!" screamed Kamek over his shoulder as he rushed to Kammy's side, grabbing Lemmy's wrist, but feeling no pulse.

"Lemmy!" roared Bowser, approaching the room. "Where _is_ he? Birdo's here, what are you lot… doing…" Bowser trailed off as he caught sight of the Magikoopas, their faces livid with grief, Lemmy sprawled before them.

"Your ex-Highness," said Kammy, too flustered to think of a creative title. "Lemmy… he's dead."

"_What?_" gasped Bowser, his eyes widening as he slowly approached the bad, afraid to get a closer look, yet unable to take his eyes off Lemmy's blank face.

"I'm so sorry, Bowser," said Kamek as his former King gingerly reached across his son's little bed, touching the back of his claw to a lifeless cheek.

"No, no, no," moaned Bowser, suddenly racing around the bed, sending Kamek and Kammy scurrying out of the way as he came to a halt at Lemmy's side. "He was so young. My poor Lemmy," he reached down and stroked his son's head; even his Mohawk seemed to put up less resistance, seemed to spring back with less force than it did when its owner was alive. "How could this happen?"

"Lemmy! Oh, my darling Lemmy!" Birdo rushed from the doorway to the bed, standing opposite from Bowser, her eyes already flooded with tears as she stared down at her little groom. "He's dead? Oh, how can the Stars be so cruel! I waited for my wedding day for so long, only to be greeted by death!"

"My poor Lemmy – he was supposed to find happiness again today, and instead, he married death. It took him from us – it stole his childlike innocence, but skipped straight through the adult life he should have led and went straight for the kill," raved Bowser, his sleep-deprived mind moving him to more poetic prose than he was typically known for.

"Oh woeful, woeful, woeful day!" sobbed Kammy as Larry slid into the room.

"First Junior, and now Lemmy – why is this happening to me? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN!?" roared Bowser.

"Perhaps he was never meant to live a long life?" ventured Kamek. "He outgrew his lazy eyen when he reached adulthood, but maybe there were worse things at work in his little body?"

"I'll take him back and do an autopsy," said Larry grimly. "I want to know what took my brother too."

Bowser managed a small smile to his estranged son. "And whatever it was, we'll make it pay!" Everyone else knew it didn't really work like that, but no one wanted to bring it up. Instead, they agreed that the wedding would now be a funeral. Kamek and Kamek went ahead to spread the news and begin turning the decorations a somber black, and the rest stood in silence as Bowser scooped up Lemmy's lifeless form and led the way out of the room. He had hoped to walk with his son to a wedding, but now he carried him to a funeral. As everyone passed out of the room before him, Larry lingered behind, and clandestinely scooped the vial he had spit shining in the bedsheets.

Larry had had a feeling that Lemmy would be unable to hide or dispose of the vial – the poison had always worked quickly on the patients Larry perfected it on. He had needed a way to put people out of their misery fast – or at least make it look like they were gone, so that their pesky family would leave. For that, he perfected a way to extract and concentrate Poison Mushroom juice, and discovered that Zombie Shroom spores turned the reddish purple liquid an unrecognizable blue, which he would insist was a medicine he only saved for a last resort, only to sigh that it must have been too late when the patient went limp. A couple times he had given it after the desperate family members tried feeding their plague-stricken loved one a 1-Up Mushroom, and while the corpses moving and moaning in the morgue a couple days after their expiration perplexed the Koopaling at first, he soon made the connection, with an eye for introducing it on the black market.

But for now, he was glad it was still a secret. Just in case, he had brought indicator fluid spiked with vim extract he had taken from freshly dead Toads and stored, knowing their residual life force would suck up the essence of the 1-Up and dissipate. If someone else had noticed the vial, he would have poured in his vim concoction, which would reveal the original red of the Poison Shroom juice, and erase the 1-Up juice, lest someone wanted to get a second opinion. If the vial had been discovered, he would have switched to Plan B – to lay the guilt on Bowser for driving his son to suicide. A broken ex-Koopa King was less likely to keep picking fights, and then, when Lemmy wasn't dead after-all, the reunion would be all the more sweeter for his suddenly guilt-free father.

Nevertheless, Larry was glad his Plan A was working. Plan B was good, but it ran the risk of spurring Kammy to come clean about Lemmy's affair with Peach. As long as his death was medical, there was no reason for her to bring up his transgressions, but if he killed himself, she might feel moved to tell the whole story, as that would definitely have fed into his final act of self-destruction – and would ease some of her beloved Bowser's guilt.

No matter, things were going as planned, and while Larry's face was grim as he followed after the makeshift funeral procession, he couldn't have been happier.

Iggy and Wendy lingered in the hallway, watching as their father carried their lifeless older brother away, followed by a blubbering Birdo and the ashen-faced Larry. "Can't believe he's dead," murmured Iggy, thinking back to all the good times he shared with the brother who he had once called "twin" in jest.

"Yeah, and with Ludwig and Roy estranged, I guess that means _you're_ the heir," said Wendy, grinning darkly at Iggy.

"Is now really the time to think about that?" he scolded.

"I'll say!" Iggy and Wendy resisted rolling their eyes as Morton walked up behind them. "I just heard the news. Ol' Lemmy bit the biscuit, huh? Poor guy – although I suppose it's a better fate than marrying Birdo. Kammy seems to think Birdos are all the rage, but I have friends who say otherwise. What do you think, Iggs? You get around, don't you? You had a Birdo yet?"

"No, and now's not the time to talk about that sorts thing _either_," hissed Iggy, his face reddening.

"Uh-huh… What about you, Wendy?"

"Forget it, Morton," huffed his sister.

"So that's a 'no', then. Ah well, it'd be different from a girl's perspective anyway. Although I've always been curious about that-"

"For the Stars' sake-" gasped Wendy exasperatedly.

"SHUT UP!" both Iggy and Wendy shouted in unison and starting to walk away, but Morton wasn't silenced so easily, and followed behind them.

"Fine, fine, but how about some music?" Clearing his throat, their tone-death brother began to croak:

"_When griping grief the heart doth wound  
And doleful dumps the mind oppress,  
Then music with her silver sound-_"

Mercifully pausing in his serenade, Morton peered at his siblings quizzically. "Hey, why do you think it's 'silver sound'?"

"Beats me," shrugged Wendy disinterestedly, still walking.

"Alliteration?" suggested Larry, equally indifferent.

"Eghhh, WRONG!" buzzed Morton. "It's because musicians have no gold to make music with!"

"That makes no sense at all," snorted Wendy.

"If you knew the answer – and like Wendy, I question the validity of such an answer – then why did you ask _us_?" scowled Iggy.

"Just trying to make conversation," said Morton.

"Well, go make conversation with someone else!" snapped Wendy.

"Fine," huffed Morton. "Just figured you'd like some company after the loss of yet another brother. I'll see you at the funeral!" He turned and stormed away from his brother and sister, but his bad mood didn't last for long, as his grating voice soon came echoing back through the hallways:

"_Then music with her silver sound  
With speedy help doth lend redress._"

Iggy snorted. "You'd think he'd show more restraint – he's lucky Dad already left for Larry's, or he'd kill 'im."

"Yeah, totally," chuckled Wendy. "…But you know, I wonder, with you being the new heir and all… Do you think Daddy will want _you_ to marry Birdo now?"

Iggy shuddered. "Again, let's not talk about this right now – do you _want_ to give me nightmares?"

"I just like seeing you squirm," said Wendy with a cackle.

Clearly, Morton wasn't the only Koopaling who was less than bereft over the loss of Lemmy.


	20. Act V Scene i

**A/N****: Everything about this scene is different. In the original, Toad's character knows about the marriage, while Ludwig's character is just some random guy, meaning both conversations are expanded and pretty much original. Peach's reasons for going back are also a lot more guilt-ridden than the heartbroken Romeo's.**

Act V. Scene i.

Peach sat on the porch she now shared with Ludwig, the rising sun making the blue in her eyes twinkle, although the spark was only superficial. She had arrived in Jewelry Land Tuesday night, and while she wished she could have gone to her old friends, Prince Pine and King Fret, like Donkey Kong, she knew they wouldn't have taken her for fear of Fawful. So instead, she did as Larry had instructed her, and made her way to Ludwig's house. The eldest Koopaling had been making a living by repairing machinery and healing people, using his technical and magical skills to help the locals – for a price. He hadn't been thrilled at taking Peach in, but he and Junior had never gotten along well, and recognizing that she had nowhere else to go, he agreed for the time being.

Part of Peach wanted to just go it alone – she _could_ take care of herself if she needed to – but the other part knew it was in her best interest to stay with the Koopaling, and keep her ties to Larry and Lemmy strong. And it wasn't really so bad living with Ludwig: his home was in the countryside, although there was a decent-sized town in walking distance, and Peach spent Wednesday wandering about the local fields and woodlands. It was a strange change of pace after the hectic days that had preceded it, and given the similar climate and species between Jewelry Land and her home, Peach could almost forget she wasn't in the Mushroom Kingdom anymore.

Almost.

Staring eastwards towards her true home, all Peach could think of was what she had left behind: Mario and his gravely ill brother, her best friend, dead in the ground, her home, her people, her husband... Peach shifted uncomfortably in her chair; while the dull soreness inside her had worn off by the time she had reached Jewelry Land, the memories still haunted her. But she forced herself to relive them, over and over, a despairing monologue running through her head, hissing to herself how sick she was, how twisted and soulless she was, and how she deserved to suffer, to remember everything she had done. Despite the brief reprieve from the walk the day before, she was sliding deeper and deeper into depression. Ludwig noticed it, but he didn't care enough to try and help her. The only comfort Peach clung to was the fact that at least Lemmy had taken oblivious joy from her suffering, because it certainly wasn't bringing _her_ any first-hand solace.

"Peach!"

The former princess blinked in confusion as her name was called. Turning to the path, she could see Toad running towards the house. She forced a smile onto her lips and hurried out to meet him. "Toad! I'm surprised to see you so soon!"

"I left yesterday morning. I didn't get here until late, and I wasn't sure if you'd want me to come calling in the middle of the night, so I got a room at the inn in town."

"How thoughtful," smiled Peach. "But tell me, how is everyone? How are Mario and Luigi?"

Toad's face fell. "Mario misses you, and Luigi does too – he's looking bad. Everyone's saying losing you and Daisy was the last straw, and that he's giving up and letting the plague's after-effects take over, but I think they're wrong!" Toad smiled bravely. "He's a Mario Bro. so he'll never give up without a fight!"

"I'm sure you're right. And speaking of which, has there been any more fighting?"

Toad shook his head. "Nope, but that could be because everyone's busy with funerals. Daisy's funeral was Tuesday morning and Junior's was in the afternoon, and you know Bowser's other son, Lemmy? Well, he died too – right before I left, so-"

"Lemmy?" Peach's blood went cold. "He's… dead?"

"Yeah," said Toad. "It's a shame too – he was going to get married that same day. Mind you, it was going to be to that traitor Birdo. And with Bowser so upset about losing another kid, I doubt he'll be giving us much trouble anytime soon, so really-"

"Do they know why?" asked Peach.

"I dunno – like I said, it happened right before I left. He died in his sleep, that's all I know. Are you okay? You look kinda dazed…"

Peach's eyes were trained on Toad, but she wasn't looking at him, and could barely hear his words. Lemmy was dead – and it was her fault. He had been alive and well before she came along, and then she ripped out his little heart. Perhaps someone had told him it was all a lie, or maybe they didn't need to: maybe he finally woken up and realized there was only one logical reason for Peach to have pursued a little freak like himself. Or maybe the opposite was true, and just wasted away, like how Luigi was letting himself go now that Daisy was gone. Even before she died, Peach knew the former Sarasaland princess had been trying to pull away from the doomed plumber: it had been some sort of selfish self-preservation tactic, since she couldn't handle her beloved's suffering, but her actions themselves only worsened his illness. Not that Peach had said anything about all that at the time: she was too wrapped up in her own problems to try and intervene, and the voice in her head now whispered that if she had helped her friends, perhaps Luigi wouldn't be so sick, and if _she_ had someone to live for, maybe Daisy wouldn't have been so careless as to challenge Junior to a fight.

But most of all, the voice spoke of Lemmy, and how Peach had destroyed him. If she hadn't come along, he would married Birdo instead – he'd be alive, and he'd have a wife who actually loved him. Birdo had nothing to gain from marrying the runty little Koopaling, so her interest must have been genuine, and even though she knew a better match was beckoning him, Peach had still crawled up to his window. He was barely finished puberty – he didn't stand a chance against her. It hadn't been fair to use a child like that. It didn't matter that she was trying to save the Mushroom Kingdom: no ends could justify those means, especially now that her plan failed – and that was her fault too. She should have done a better job at stopping the fight between Junior and Daisy, or at least kept her cool and stopped herself from killing Junior.

Murder was unacceptable, the desire for revenge was unacceptable, ruining an innocent life was unacceptable, and now the Stars were making her pay for it. She thought she was paying her own price by surrendering her own purity to Lemmy, but now she realized that her soul had already been tarnished, and all she had done was steal the last of Lemmy's innocence. Making love in and of itself wasn't some bad, amoral thing, but that's not what she had been doing with him – she felt no love, only hate. She hated Fawful for conquering the lands and making her friends sick, she hated Junior for killing her friend, and she hated herself for killing him and now for killing Lemmy too. He wouldn't have taken his life if she hadn't ruined it. She was the one who deserved to die, not him.

"I'm going back," she said suddenly.

Toad gaped at her. "B-but Peach, you'll be killed if they catch you!"

"I don't care – I need to go back."

"But why? To see Luigi?"

"No. I need to set things right. All I wanted to do was set things right, but I was wrong. I went about it all wrong, and now so many are dead…"

"What are you talking about? It's not your fault they're dead. Well, except Junior, but he had it coming!"

Peach shook her head. "You don't understand. I promise, I'll explain once we get back, but for now, you just need to trust me. This is what the Stars want."

"I thought you gave up on the Star Spirits?" frowned Toad.

Peach smiled, and her friend detected a flash of pain in her eyes before she managed to hide it again. "I did, but after all that's happened these past couple days, I've realized that they're still watching over us."

"But these past few days have been even more horrible than usual. If anything, you'd think that's a sign that the Stars _don't_ care!" protested Toad, but Peach was adamant.

"You don't know the full story. But I can't tell you yet. Now, I'm going back to Toad Town – nothing you can say will stop me."

"Fine," relented Toad. "But I'm going with you!"

Peach would have rather gone alone, but she supposed it didn't really matter, so she nodded. "Okay. Do me a favour and go get some provisions in town. I just have to pack a couple things and I'll be right along. We need to move fast – I want to be back home by nightfall."

"Okay, but you better not try running off ahead of me – I'll just catch up to you before you get too far!" said Toad, sensing that Peach wasn't thrilled at him tagging along, for some reason. He swore, sometimes Peach seemed like she had lost more than her 'princess' title: it was like she was a different person sometimes But she was still his friend, and he would protect her until the end.

As Toad ran back the way he came, Peach went inside the house. What she told Toad had been the truth: as soon as she had tried saving the world through duplicitous means, that's when it all started falling apart, just as Bowser's evil plans had always failed. If she had not given up on being good in deed as well as intent, so many lives would have been spared, but she had incurred the Stars' ire by letting her heart turn black, and the only way she could set things right was if she paid the price. There was still a chance that more than death could come from her ill-fated scheme, but first, one more death was required. Hers.

"Vat are you doing?"

Peach looked up from Ludwig's potion trunk as the Koopaling stepped out of the kitchen and into his study. "I need poison."

"Is whoever you vere talking to outsize _zat_ annoying?" joked Ludwig.

"That was Toad-"

"Ah, so zee answer is 'yes'."

"No," sighed Peach. "The poison is for me. Ludwig, I'm afraid… I'm so sorry, but... Lemmy's dead. Toad doesn't know anything for sure, but I know it's my fault for tricking him into falling in love with me. I broke his heart – I ruined him."

"So now _you're_ committing suicide too?" Ludwig raised a skeptical eyebrow. He knew she was probably right about why his brother was dead, and frankly, he wouldn't mind it if Peach dropped dead at that point. Junior was one thing, but he hadn't approved of what she and Larry did to Lemmy, and if it cost him his _life_…

"I'm going back first. I'm going to tell everyone what happened – then maybe Lemmy, Junior and Daisy wouldn't have died in vain." Peach was surprised at just how calmly she was speaking: she may have gotten a knack for manipulating others to meet her goals, but she thought planning her own death would have upset her more. Maybe it was a sign that she was doing the right thing, that she deserved it, that she was broken inside.

Ludwig surveyed her for a moment, and then walked over. Reaching into the trunk, he pulled out a flask of orange-red liquid. "Zis should do zee trick. It's concentrated Poison Mushroom juice, mixed vit shavings from an Amanita's cap to make it fast-acting." He pulled out a smaller vial and poured some of the poison into it, stoppered it, and held it out for Peach. "Dis is more zan enough: drink it, and you'll be dead in an instant, vis no hope of resuscitation."

"Good," said Peach, taking the vial. "Thank you."

"I'm doing zis for Lemmy, not you," said Ludwig coldly.

Peach nodded. "As is should be."


	21. Act V Scene ii

**A/N****: I decided to recycle Yoshi rather than introduce some random new character, and once more, added more of Larry's scheming, mainly explaining why he left digging up Lemmy to the last minute.**

Act V. Scene ii.

Larry glanced at the clock. The timing was going to be close, but he had to wait until it was completely dark before he'd risk raiding the cemetery. Of course, Ludwig was cutting it closer, wherever he was. At this rate, it was starting to seem like Larry was going to have to go alone – as if having to do it under a looming deadline was bad enough.

When he gave Lemmy the potion, he had figured 42 hours was going to be more than enough time, but then Bowser had insisted that Larry perform a full autopsy before he buried his brother in the above-ground grave that was customary of royal Koopas. Larry had originally planned to exhume Lemmy Wednesday night after the funeral, giving him plenty of time before his brother woke up, but with Bowser insisting he took the rest of that day as well as Thursday morning to thoroughly examine the body and figure out the cause of death. Larry was just glad Lemmy hadn't gone to sleep until well after midnight on Tuesday (as reported by Kammy and Kamek), or there would have been a chance of him waking up even as they placed him in the crypt. Now, Larry calculated that he wouldn't rise until after sunset, but not by much.

Larry whirled around expectantly as the door opened, but the only one there was Yoshi. "Oh, so you _are_ back from Jewelry Land. But where's Ludwig? Or did you guys travel separately?"

"I'm afraid I didn't go to Jewelry Land," panted Yoshi, clutching his stomach.

"_What?_" Larry's face was livid.

"I'm sorry! I was on my way out, but then I saw some berries, and I was really hungry after Daisy's wedding – Sarasalanders never serve enough food. So I ate some, but then Wario and Waluigi ran out and nabbed me. Apparently the berries had some kind of special seed they were going to sell or something. They locked me up and made me drink some sort of laxative potion. It felt like it was turning my insides _inside-out_! My stomach's still killing me – please! I need something to make me feel better, and I can't go to the regular doctor because if word gets back to Fawful, Wario and Waluigi say they'll skin me alive!"

"Probably illegal imported berries from the Waffle Kingdom," muttered Larry absentmindedly. He had been rushing around the room as soon as Yoshi had started talking half-listening to his rambling story, but more focused on the conundrum caused by the latest wrench to be thrown into his plan.

Yoshi scowled at the inattentive Koopaling. "Hey! Weren't you listening? I need help."

"You shouldn't have eaten someone else's berries, idiot," snarled Larry as he pulled a crowbar out of a toolbox.

"Hey, look, I'm sorry, okay! I guess the letter you wanted me to give your brother was an invitation to the wedding or something? Well, Bowser didn't bump the date up until after I left, and I wouldn't have delivered the letter in time for him to get back by yesterday morning anyway. And I certainly wouldn't have known he died, so it's not like I could have told Ludwig to at least try and hurry back for today's burial ceremony."

"Nice to see you kept apprise of current events when you were in captivity," remarked Larry, but before Yoshi could say another word, the Koopaling had pushed by him and disappeared into the still-darkening night.

The fact that Ludwig wasn't coming wasn't the problem, but rather, the possibility that Peach had come instead is what worried Larry. If word reached her that Lemmy was dead, Larry knew she'd blame herself, and there was no telling what could happen then. He hoped she would have the common sense to shrug it off and stay put, but he worried her old goodie-goodie nature would reemerge if enough guilt built up. Add to that the belief that her plan to return home and free the Mushroom Kingdom was completely kaput, and she would have very little reason left to act rationally besides self-preservation. But Larry had seen the look in her eyes when she agreed to sleep with Lemmy, and he knew she didn't value her life as highly as she once did.

The last rays of the sun still streaked across the sky, but Larry couldn't afford to wait any longer. If Peach was returning, she would go straight for the graveyard that held her poor little victim, and Larry had to beat her there. He had to stop her before she threw out their best chance for beating Fawful – a longshot was better than nothing, after all, and after so many missteps, Larry wanted to see _something_ come out of the struggle. He would pull Lemmy out first, and of Peach didn't show up, they'd leave and he'd sent another letter to Ludwig (and hopefully, Peach). He'd ask Lakitu this time – he was fast. Larry wished he had a cloud to ride on too as he stiffly walked through the town, wishing he could run all the way without fear of drawing suspicion, or that the cemetery was actually _near_ the funeral home. When the city planner died, Larry decided he would be going in the sewer.


	22. Act V Scene iii

**A/N****: Again, a lot of stuff was changed around here. In the original, Romeo doesn't know who's confronting him until after he's dead, but here, I made the scenario more like Junior's death, with Peach simply losing control of her anger. All the stuff with Toad is different (i.e. unlike Romeo, Peach doesn't threaten him if he doesn't leave), and I added Iggy, Wendy and Kammy to the proceedings to create more closure. The play leaves the ramifications of the uncovered deception ambiguous, with the Prince delaying his sentencing until the morning, so as not to eclipse the drama of the scene, but I give the fallout much more coverage here. After all, this isn't a tragic love story like **_**Romeo and Juliet**_**, this is a story about how a calculated plot goes horribly awry and takes everyone down with it – and I hope you liked it!**

Act V. Scene iii.

"Lakitu, be a dear and keep watch while I visit my poor, sweet Lemmy. I don't want to be disturbed. Go hide under those trees and whistle if you see someone coming," said Birdo as she walked through the cemetery. The sun had just barely passed below the horizon, and there was still enough light to guide her as she made her way to the mausoleum Bowser had purchased for his family. She could see it up ahead, unmistakable amongst the Mushroomian headstones. It was a long block of black stone, with enough crypts for Bowser and all his children to lie side-by-side, the former king destined for the larger, middle recess. But it was the second-from-last grave that Birdo was drawn too, and while Lakitu hung back, floating up to hide in the branches of some nearby trees, she stepped up to the mausoleum, fresh tears in her eyes.

She really _had_ liked Lemmy, and oblivious to the contempt he held for her, Birdo had believed they could have had a loving future together. She ran her hand across the name emblazoned on the side of the above-ground grave, her diamond ring catching the dying light. She wished it was joined by a wedding ring on her other hand, but the Stars had decided otherwise. Larry had told everyone that Lemmy had died of an aneurysm, but Birdo suspected the problem lay with his heart: his body was so small and delicate, surely his heart couldn't take the pain of losing the brother who now lay to his left.

Muffling her sobs, she pulled some flowers out of her hammerspace and strew them across the coverstone. "I will never forget you, my poor husband. I know they're not really Koopa tradition, but I shall always decorate your grave with the most beautiful rainbow of flowers that I can find. You shall never be alone again, my beloved Lemmy, not as long as I can return to this place."

Lakitu's whistle floated through the air, and looking around, Birdo could make out dark shapes approaching in the twilight. Hoping they would not be long, Birdo hurried out of sight, crouching in the shadows behind some nearby tombstones.

"Peach, why are we here?" whimpered Toad.

"Shhh," she hissed, looking around, her eyes wide with paranoia. That whistle didn't sound like any bird she knew.

"Come on, we should go – it's too open here."

"No, I need to see Lemmy. I need to pay my respects," before Toad could respond, Peach handed him a letter. "Take this to Mario. I'll be along soon, but I need to be alone now." When Toad hesitated, Peach stepped forward and shoved him towards the gate. "Go!" she ordered, raising her voice as high as she dared, her eyes still flicking to and fro, scanning the twilit cemetery for onlookers.

"Nnnmmm, okaaay," grumbled Toad, starting back down the path, but as soon as Peach turned her back, he scurried behind the nearest grave. He was deeply worried about the former princess, and he wouldn't dare leave her now, not in her state of mind, and not in a cemetery of all places.

Stepping up before the grave, Peach held her arms up, calling on her magic to raise the coverstone, scattering Birdo's flowers as it slowly slid backwards, opening Lemmy's crypt.

"Get away from him!" Birdo charged out of her hiding place, screaming as she ran. "How dare you come here and defile the grave of my dear Lemmy! For killing his brother and breaking his heart, I'll kill you!"

"Please! You don't understand. I'm only here to pay for both of those crimes!" cried Peach. "But you must let me do it on my terms – if this ends with violence, nothing good will come of it!"

"Avenging my husband will be the greatest good I've done in a while!" snarled Birdo, blasting eggs from her snout as she neared her nemesis.

Instinct overrode Peach's feverish mind as the attack bore down on her and she dived out of the way of the eggs. With a wave of her arm she summoned a flurry of hearts, her stomach lurching as she realized that it wasn't just a trick of the failing light that had turned them from pink to black. Birdo cried in frustration as the inky hearts stopped her in her tracks, but they couldn't stop her from blasting a flurry of both eggs and fireballs at the ex-princess. Peach leapt high into the air, hovering as the first volley passed beneath her and using her magic to pull the coverstone clear off the mausoleum. She hurled it forward, and while the last of Birdo's projectiles managed to break it into pieces, they weren't enough to stop the momentum, and a short, anguished scream filled the air as she struggled against the hearts, followed by a sickening crunch.

Peach landed on her feet and immediately sprinted towards the spot where Birdo lay, not noticing the Lakitu speeding away from the graveyard in the distance. In a panic, she pulled the largest pieces off Birdo, but it was no use. The advancing night mercifully disguised the gruesome extent of the injuries, but it was still clear Birdo was a goner as she lay in a pool of blood, her head and limbs at odd angles. Unable to move, her one remaining eye swiveled up at looked at Peach. "If you had any decency," she croaked, "you'd lie me with my… Lemmy…"

Feeling sick to her stomach, Peach watched as the last gasp of air passed through Birdo's broken snout, and then reached forward with a trembling hand to close her eye. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't want it to end this way. I didn't mean to… I…" She squeezed her own eyes shut, but it couldn't stop the tears from streaming down her face. She was a monster. She couldn't even kill herself without taking someone else with her. And all because Birdo loved Lemmy, and wanted to protect him from the woman who had killed him with her fake love. Birdo should have been his wife, not Peach. Not the black-hearted murdering monster.

Using the last of her magic to give her strength, Peach pulled Birdo from the wreckage and dragged her up the short hill to the mausoleum, a trail of blood marking her progress. She didn't have enough strength to lift the would-be bride into Lemmy's crypt, so she simply left her on the grass, not bothering to pull out a sheet to hide the carnage from sight before she turned back to the Koopaling.

"I'm sorry, Lemmy," she said, reaching down and stroking the youngster's cheek. It was the first honest affectionate gesture she had paid him all week. "You didn't deserve this. I was wrong to use you – it was bad. It was evil. _I'm_ evil… I'm a monster." She smiled as she gave voice to the hateful whispers in her head, and pulled out the vial of poison. She looked at the crypt next to Lemmy, the name "Bowser Koopa II" and a cruelly short couplet of dates stenciled in black on a golden plaque. "I killed your brother…" She looked at the body at her feet. "I killed the only woman who actually loved you…" She looked back at Lemmy's face, pale and still, returned to innocence. "And I killed you too. I'm sorry, Lemmy." She uncorked the bottle and turned her face towards the starry sky. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and lifted the poison to her lips. Fire poured down her throat and she smiled as she fell, watching as the stars seemed to fly away from her, as her blood itself ignited and darkness closed in from all sides. True to Ludwig's word, Peach was dead before she hit the ground.

Larry broke into a sprint as soon as he was past the last pedestrian. In the distance he could hear a commotion in the streets, but he paid it little mind as he vaulted over the low graveyard fence and made a beeline for his family's tomb, only to careen into Toad.

"What the hell! What are you doing here?" he demanded, picking himself back up.

Toad was shacking from head to toe as he struggled to get on his own feet. "P-P-P-Peach. Sh-she wanted me t-t-to go, but I- I- I m-must be dreaming, b-b-b-because I thought I saw her k-kill Birdo a-a-and-"

But Larry had heard enough and charged away from the traumatized Toad. He smelled the blood before he saw it, but the sight of the pile of rubble and the blood stain leading up to the Koopa grave still stopped him short. "No," he gasped as he ran the last few steps and caught sight of the two bodies. His eyes were initially drawn to the bloody remains of Birdo, but he quickly snapped his focus to Peach, lying facedown beside the dino. "You idiot," he growled, reaching down and pulling her over. Her eyes were glassy, the ghost of her last smile still on her lips. "Shit," he hissed, quickly scanning the grass, soon catching sight of the vial. He grabbed it and sniffed – Poison Mushroom, but he knew there had been no essence of 1-Up tempering _this_ extract.

A moan from above his head made Larry jump. Springing to his feet, he only then noticed that the grave had been opened for him, and just in time, for Lemmy was starting to stir. He opened his eyes and looked at Larry, smiling weakly. "Where is my princess?" he asked deliriously. "Where is my Peach?"

"Lemmy, I'm so sorry, but everything's gone horribly, horribly wrong," said Larry, reaching into the crypt and helping Lemmy sit up.

"What do you mean?" asked the older Koopaling, but as he got to his feet and looked over the edge of the mausoleum, he saw for himself what Larry meant. "P- _Peach?!_"

"I'm sorry, Lemmy," said Larry, grabbing his brother's arm to keep him from lunging out of the crypt. "She's dead. The letter I tried to send to her and Ludwig was delayed, and Toad must've told her you were dead. She drank a potion-"

"So she's just in stasis?" Lemmy looked at his brother in wild-eyed desperation.

Larry shook his head. "No, it was just poison. She's _dead_, Lemmy, I'm sorry."

"No!" he shouted, struggling to break free of his brother's grip. "You're lying! You're just like Kammy!"

"I'm not lying," sighed Larry, but he was soon distracted by the sound of an approaching crowd. Looking up, he could see people gathering in the lantern-lit street beyond the graveyard. Sensing his preoccupation, Lemmy wrenched himself free of Larry and hopped down to Peach, grabbing her still-warm hand and pleading with her to wake up. Larry looked down at him; he almost pitied him, but as the crowd entered the graveyard, Larry didn't even bother bringing his brother when he turned and fled. They would realize something was up when they found Lemmy's crypt empty, and Larry had nothing to gain from trying to keep his brother's continued existence a secret. Peach was dead, and she took Birdo with her, for some reason. Good riddance to both of them, but damned if Larry was going to let them catch him in the middle of it and try to pin all the blame on him in the heat of the moment.

Barely aware that his brother had left him, Lemmy clung to Peach, sobbing uncontrollably. Getting a grip on himself after a moment, he reached up and gingerly closed her eyes, trying to forget her blank stare and imagine that she was only sleeping, as he had been. He kissed her, as if he could bring her back, but it was no fairy tale. "Thy lips are warm," he whimpered, his body rocking with renewed sobs.

"Dis way, hurry!" Lemmy looked up, recognizing Roy's voice in the darkness. Suddenly he was overcome with terror at the thought of Roy coming – of his father coming and taking him away from Peach. He couldn't leave Peach lying in the cemetery. He couldn't live without Peach. She was his life – his heart. But she was dead, and so was he. He gingerly lay Peach back on the grass and pulled out her knife from his hammerspace. "O happy dagger," he whispered, his voice trembling. "This is thy sheath. There rust and let me die." Taking a deep breath, he looked back down at Peach, a final tear sliding down his cheek as he plunged the blade into his chest.

"It's here! He- oh my Stars!" gasped Lakitu as he swooped overhead, the lantern he carried lighting up the hillside.

Roy stopped dead as he entered the clearing. One glance at the trio of bodies and he turned to Wario and Waluigi. "Search the cemetery! Find who did dis and bring 'em to me, NOW!"

"Righteo!" they said in unison and ran off into the darkness, flashlights lighting their way. Roy looked over his shoulder at the Boos hovering beyond the glow of Lakitu's lantern light. "Get my old man and Fawful here, now! And Mario too." He turned back to the crime scene and began walking towards the mausoleum. What happened to Birdo was no mystery: she had been crushed by the pile of rubble at the foot of the hill and dragged up beside the grave. And like Larry, Roy noticed the glint of a glass vial lying in the grass near Peach, and figured she must have poisoned herself, although he couldn't fathom _why_ she would bother to come back under pain of death only to kill _herself_. But that mystery paled in comparison to why Lemmy lay bleeding across her chest, when he should be lying two-days-dead in the sealed crypt behind him.

"I found Toad hyperventilating just off the path," reported Wario, hauling the still-shaking Mushroomian to the clearing.

"And I got yer bro, Larry!" called Waluigi, entering across from Wario with the struggling Koopaling.

"Good. Hold 'em until Fawful gets here. I'm sure at least one of 'em will be able ta tell us what da hell is goin' on here," growled Roy, glaring at Larry, who got the hint and stopped trying to resist Waluigi as he dragged him next to Wario and Toad.

"What in the Underwhere is having the going on here!?" screeched Fawful, appearing overhead, the lights from his headgear adding to the illumination from Lakitu's lantern.

"I'd like to know that too!" roared Bowser, stomping up the path, flanked by the Magikoopas, Iggy, Wendy and Morton.

"There's Boos stirring up a riot on the streets," complained Kamek. "People are running around shouting about Peach, and there are cries of 'Lemmy' and 'Birdo' too. What is going on?"

"Yes, be telling us!" demanded Fawful.

Roy had been kneeling beside the corpses, having checked to make sure they were all indeed dead, but now he drew himself to his full height and gestured down. "Birdo's dead, and so is Peach, and Lemmy too: he seems to have risen from da grave just in time ta get run 'trough. It weren't no brain aneurism dat killed him dis time, dat's for sure."

"Lemmy…" gasped Bowser, taking a couple halting steps forward, before stopping and frowning. He shook his head in confusion and stomped his foot. "I don't understand!"

"Fink-Rat Red, you are being late to our fondue party of murder mysteries," exclaimed Fawful as Mario pushed past the Koopalings.

"Luigi – he is-a dead! Your plague-a-killed-… Is that-a-_Peach_!?" Mario stopped cold in his tracks. "Oh noooo!" he cried, falling to his knees. "First my-a brother lets himself die because Daisy is-a gone, and now-a Peach is dead too? Why is this-a happening!?"

"Being quiet now, fink-rat!" snapped Fawful, turning back to Roy. "Who is having responsibility for these ketchup coated crimes?"

"We caught Larry running off," said Roy, gesturing towards his brother.

Fawful trained the spotlights of his headgear onto Larry. "Welling?"

Larry scowled at the crowd. He still wasn't a fan of public speaking, but that was the least of his troubles. He wondered if he should have stayed put before and played the role of a first-responder. If he had stayed, Lemmy wouldn't have had a chance to kill himself – although if he had killed himself and Larry had just been fast enough to get away clean, there would have been a chance that he didn't get fingered at all. Assuming Kammy kept her trap shut, at least. His next move also hinged on whether or not she'd rat him out: he could give the cover story that Peach and Lemmy were star-crossed lovers and hope she played along, or he could come clean and blame the whole thing on Peach.

His mind was moving a mile a minute as he weighed his options. If he told the lie, there was a better chance at uniting the Mushroomians and Koopas with guilt over the desperate position they placed the lovers in. But without the pair alive and acting the part as a happy couple, they would only have his word that it was true (and Kammy's, if she played ball) and in their position, Larry wasn't sure if he'd believe such a fantastic story. Lemmy was naïve enough to believe in love at first sight between him and Peach, but in all likelihood, no one else would be so gullible, not without proof. Plus, if Larry got caught in the lie, he could expect to follow Peach and the others straight into the ground. If Kammy wasn't privy to the deceit, he might have considered it, but as things stood, no, it would be foolish to fib.

"It's all Peach's doing," began Larry, his eyes darting around the crowd. "She resented Fawful's takeover, and how Mario and Luigi and everyone else had failed her. She was sick of the constant fighting between the Mushroomian and Koopan factors, and in foolish desperation, she decided to try and force an alliance with the power of _love_." Larry spoke the last word with a sneer, trying his hardest to distance himself from the disastrous plot. "Her friends decided to crash Father's party last Sunday, and there she ran into Lemmy – he was instantly smitten with her, like how you were, Dad, but rather than spurning him, she ran with it."

Larry knew he was downplaying the viciousness of her seduction, but he didn't want to fire Bowser up any more than he already was, his face darkening by the minute as Larry spun his tale. "They got married the next day – I told her it was a bad idea, but she had gotten carried away with her little ploy for peace, and Lemmy, well, who wouldn't have taken _Peach Toadstool_ up on such an offer? Unfortunately, Junior was pissed they crashed the party and attacked Peach and her friends. Despite the fact that Mushroom-Koopa violence was exactly what Peach had been trying to avoid, she flew off the handle and killed my brother, but once she came to her senses, she was horrified at what she had done – and the ramifications it had on her plans with Lemmy. She consummated her marriage and said goodbye to him, leaving him with the belief she loved him, believing it was less cruel than if she came clean at that point."

Again, Larry was stretching the truth, but he knew telling everyone that he and Kammy were the ones who goaded Peach into sleeping with Lemmy would not go down well with Bowser or Mario. Catching her eye, he could tell Kammy was glad he left that part out too; he was still safe. "Unfortunately, her mercy backfired when Lemmy found himself being forced into a second marriage with someone he _didn't_ love. Frantic about the prospect of cheating on Peach, he came to me for help, and I gave him a potion that would make him seem dead for two days. After the funeral, I was going to come and take him out of the crypt and send him off with Ludwig to be with Peach, then, when things had calmed down, they would return. The idea was that Father would be so happy that Lemmy was alive, he would be willing to look past the deception, and not wanting to cause more pain for anyone involved in the whole soap opera, he'd be accepting of Peach's marriage to her son. And then, seeing their beloved former princess in a happy loving marriage to a Koopa would hopefully make the Mushroomians would inclined to call a truce, while the Koopas would be similarly dissuaded from their violent ways."

Larry looked at Wendy and Iggy as he spoke, but the looks on their faces was enough to show him that Peach underestimated just how bloodthirsty her siblings-in-law had become. Even if she didn't cause the deaths of Junior and Lemmy, Larry doubted they would accept her with open arms – unless they were _bearing_ arms. He shook his head. "It was not a very good plan, and everything about it seemed to go wrong. It's truly regrettable."

"It is also sounding unbelievable," remarked Fawful.

"Kammy will back me up – she was in on it too," said Larry.

Bowser rounded on the old women. "You what?"

"I swear, I thought it was going to work out well for Lemmy. But after Peach killed Junior, I told him the truth. I told him to forget about her and marry Birdo instead, and I thought he had listened to me. Your Enragedness, I promise, if I had known what would happen, I would have never-"

"Enouhing!" shouted Fawful, turning back to Larry. "You had the telling of what was _supposed_ to be happened, but what had the _real_ happening tonight? You were running from the crime scene like a nose of a crying child who also has hayfever – why are they all having death?"

"I'm afraid I didn't get here until after Peach and Birdo were dead, but I suspect the latter assaulted the former, and like with Junior, she went berserker on Birdo and killed her before she could control herself. As for why she herself is dead, my guess is that she heard that Lemmy died and assumed he killed himself over his broken heart, then, blaming herself, she was overcome with guilt and came back to set things right by taking her own life. She had threatened to kill herself when she killed Junior, and without someone to talk her out of it, she followed through with it this time."

"But why were you running away? Was Lemmy still alive when you got there? What happened to him? Why didn't you help him?" demanded Bowser.

"The death of Lemmy is not having mystery," interrupted Fawful. "He had sadness and did the suicide with the knife that is now in his chest, like a spicy bowl of chili that causes heartburn – he had the heartburn of death! But I am not caring about that – it is the fighting that makes me have interest, and why the fighters were being here. What about you, fungus-smelling Toad? Did you have the seeing of the Fink-Rats Pink and Pink before they were causing the death of each other?"

Toad trembled as Fawful glared down at him. Swallowing hard, he told his part of the story. "I- I think Larry might have b-b-been right. I told P-Peach that Lemmy was dead, and she immediately wanted t-t-to return. She didn't tell me why, but she did give me th- this l-l-letter to g-give to M-M-M-Mario."

When Toad held the letter out towards Mario, Fawful sucked it up with his headgear, grabbing it and ripping it open, before looking up at Lakitu. "And what is being of Birdo? Why did she have the presence here?"

"She wanted to decorate Lemmy's grave with flowers. When Peach came and started opening the tomb, she came to defend her fiancé and attacked the human. I went to get help, so I didn't see how the fight progressed, but I can guess what happened…"

Fawful nodded absentmindedly as he scanned the letter. He then looked down at the group. "This peachy letter is having the confirmation of the story spoken by the witnesses, even saying she had guilt and bought suicidal potion from Ludwig to be 'making it right'. How-of-ever, it is also mentioning that she had first wanted the peace in order to be overthrowing me with the combined forces of Mushrooms and Koopas. I have fury!" Larry felt the blood drain from his face even before Fawful turned his psychotic grin on him. "You had the participation in this plot. And the fink-witch Kammy, too. FURY! Have the seizing of them, too!" Waluigi tightened his grip on the Koopaling, and although Roy hesitated for a moment, with a sigh he crossed the clearing and seized Kammy by the arm, pulling her from Bowser's side as she pleaded her master for help. But Bowser refused to look at her or Roy, his face hard as steel.

"Silence!" ordered Fawful, before continuing, his eyes on the letter. "The princess of formerness was writing that she had the hopes that knowing the cooperation between you Koopas and her mushroomy self would be suggestive to Mario to be her Continue, and make the peace without her marriage of lies as the catalyst, like a looming party that forces the housewife to clean her dirty home of frivolity." Fawful leered down at Mario. "You better not be having this idea. Be a house-plumber who cleans but does not throw silly parties, and do not be inviting the Koopas."

Mario stared daggers at Fawful. His brother was dead, and Peach had turned out to me a manipulative, lying murderer, but the root of all this evil was undoubtedly Fawful. He wished he could see the letter, but he knew the Bean would never pass it on, and cursed Toad for being foolish enough to let it fall into the tyrant's hands. What burned him more was Peach's role, however. He couldn't believe she would turn her back on all the values she had held so dear, even if she had a lofty reason for it. She might have been on to something with her idea to make peace with the Koopas, but any hope of that had died with Junior and Lemmy – Mario could see it in Bowser's eyes, flashing red with the rage he knew all too well. Sighing wearily, he nodded obediently at Fawful. There was no point in fighting now – he couldn't do it alone, and with the kingdom conquered and Peach, Daisy and Luigi dead, he had already failed everyone.

Fawful grinned at the look of miserable resignation on Mario's face, and turned to Bowser. "And I am trusting you will not have the cooperation with Mario? That you had no knowing of the plot of Peach?"

"Me? Try to join forced with Mario? Been there, done that, got sent packing after the fact every time – as if I'd try it _again_! And if I _was_ in on a plan that involved Peach getting hitched to a Koopa, do you really think I would elect Lemmy for the task instead of _me_?" he growled, hiding his true thoughts behind his old bravado.

Sensing nothing amiss with the ex-Koopa King, Fawful nodded approvingly before flying back up above the clearing. "Fink-rats! Have you readiness for this? Anyone who had the plotting of my execution will be having an execution of their own! And you others, let this be a lesson to you, like a child who is told not to touch something hot yet touches it and gets burned like a piece of forgotten toast. Peach was being right in that you should not have the fighting – but not because you will be busy with the plotting. You should be docile toadies! Do not have the fighting, just the obedience to the one who is me, Fawful! Peach is saying in her suicidal note that she was a failure because her values are not being of the righteous Star Spirits, but I am telling you 'no'! Failure is hers because she was plotting against the greatest Fawful, and if you are plotting too, you shall also be dying soon! I will give the punishment to the allies of Peach tomorrow: I have sleepyness now – but I also have fury!"

He turned to Roy and his other minions. "Be assigning your toadies to clean the graveyard. Toad and Lakitu can have the freeing like a bird, but bring the other two prisoners to the castle of me, and the bodies to the funeral home – then find a new director of funerals, because Larry's return will be as a cold client!"

Roy nodded woodenly, and at his gesture, a group of Boos broke off from the crowd and assembled, ready to begin cleaning up. He handed Kammy off to Wario, but unlike the stupefied Larry, she struggled against her captor as he led her out of the clearing.

Bowser closed his eyes, trying to block out Kammy's desperate cries, trying to make sense of what had happened. He couldn't fathom that the sweet, loving Peach he had once loved would use his poor son like she apparently had. Part of him was even impressed, but she should have made the moves on him, not runty little Lemmy, and his fleeting approval was swiftly drowned by anger. Everyone had turned on him. Peach, Roy, Larry, Kammy, and even Ludwig had been in on the plot, and in a way, Lemmy himself had betrayed his father by marrying the girl that _Bowser_ loved, and then lying about it and faking his own death. He hadn't stabbed his father in the back – the knife had been driven through Bowser's heart, just like the blade now embedded in Lemmy's own chest.

Lemmy and Peach's deceitful actions had gotten them killed, and poor Junior was gone too, and Larry and Kammy were going to follow soon. Roy was already dead to Bowser – joining Fawful's peace keepers was one thing, but no son of his would help Fawful shed Koopa blood, even if it was from the traitors he now led away through the graveyard. All Bowser had left were the rebellious Iggy and Wendy, who didn't care about anything but themselves anymore, not even bothering to show up to Lemmy's funeral on time. Then there was Morton – annoying and useless. He supposed he still had Kamek, but the Magikoopa was old and for all Bowser knew, he could kick the bucket at any time, especially after losing Kammy.

And it was Fawful's fault. Fawful and the traitors. Fawful and the _traitors and the Mushroomians_. Peach had destroyed the remains of his fractured family, and if Mario hadn't defeated him all those times, Bowser might have had enough strength to defend his conquered lands from Fawful. That was the one thing Peach got right: Fawful had to go. Bowser had tried playing along – he had tried getting on Fawful's good side, he had tried curbing his children's tempers, and he had tried to while away his time planning harmless parties instead of dwelling on the fact that he should have been the local despot. But now all he was hosting were funerals, while his children turned their backs on him, and the Mushroomians walked all over him.

Not anymore.

They would pay – they'd all pay. If he was smart, Bowser would take Fawful's lead and put off his murderous activity until the morning, but aside from Ludwig, everyone he hated was assembled right then and there. The black of night suited the Dark Land natives just fine, and Bowser turned to his remaining family members. Morton was watching the spectacle in disbelief, as were the Hammer Bros. and the other assorted minions that had gathered around. More encouragingly, Kamek was watching Kammy with horror, clearly longing to rescue her, and Iggy and Wendy were watching Bowser. He caught their eyes, bloodthirsty as ever, and this time, he was grateful to have their unbridled violence on tap. He nodded his head, and with a cry they launched forward at their brother and the human guards, the rest of the battle-trained Koopas swiftly getting the message and joining the charge towards Mario, Toad and Fawful's people, while Bowser turned on Fawful himself as he looked up from Peach's letter in alarm, screaming as he was met with a brilliant fireball. "FURYYYYYYYY!"

_One destroyed by love, one ruined by hate.  
Both pushed to extremes in those dismal days,  
And not peace, but death, and war was their fate.  
Now hope burns away in their kinsmen's craze._

_So never forget who caused everything:  
The fallen Princess and her Koopaling._

**The End**


End file.
